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Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

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Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#31

Post by oneepic »

Blackstone4 wrote: post #22

Always finish what you have to say even if others start trying to talk over you. If you stop it makes it look like what you have to say is not important. Check out this YouTube video titled: How to stop people from talking over you. https://youtu.be/ikAfrKf5A8I The YouTube channel Charisma on Command have a bunch of great videos on EQ.

I'm not really a huge fan of that channel in terms of the political content and overall presentation of each topic. But more to the point, this advice can really backfire -- maybe it will become a contest of who can speak the loudest, and you'll wind up confusing and pissing everyone off.

I think I still lean towards talking to a manager as a more effective strategy, and a culture where management lets this kind of thing happen isn't really one I want to be a part of anyway.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#32

Post by ignoramous »

In a professional setting, nothing works better than setting expectations upfront.

For instance, over a meeting invite, letting everyone know the agenda and the rules of engagement would go a long way in setting the expectations beforehand. You might even set rules of engagement generally enough for all meetings instead of just yours... of course, then, expect to work on the feedback from all quarters, but that's manageable. It might also stand to surprise you the number of people that might be supportive of such a thing because it makes future meetings productive and approachable for them.

That said, some teams do have dynamics where a few powerful personalities by the virtue of their position in the team or their closeness to the management drain out all other voices in the room, as it were. This is a different ball-game since it involves power struggle which you'd eventually lose. A couple of ways I know to out manuver is to:

1. Show up in the meeting prepared with facts beforehand.

2. Do a post-meeting commentary on the meeting notes or talking points with a view to encourage further discussion, over email or wikis or docs.

Regardless, your comments may be ignored. Don't take it too hard, but know that you were heard loud and clear, fwiw. Rest of your team most certainly isn't turning a blind-eye.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#33

Post by Zenst »

bane wrote: post #28

It sounds stupid, but talking sticks work wonders.

Was about to say that when ctrl+f saved the day and I'll add - they cut out a whole layer of office politics.

Only real downside is when you are in a meeting with external parties on a conference of video call. Then it gets tricky.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#35

Post by tunesmith »

duxup wrote: post #4

I worked at a place like that. I wasn't even aware of the problem. It was just how things were. One day our director called a meeting and announced that our whole department had a serious issue with interrupting. He noted the results of interrupting each other (not hearing each other out, drifting off topic, just being seen by the rest of the company as jerks). He laid out a bunch of rules for meetings, discussions,…

What kind of rules?

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#36

Post by avgDev »

andrewcarter wrote: post #15

I have a problem cutting people off- I get way to excited about what I want to say and jump in. I really appreciate when people call me out and don't take it personally. I also try to work on it and try to help steer the conversation to other people who have been cut off when I see it happen. So IMO don't be afraid to politely just let someone know! If you don't feel comfortable during the meeting, maybe speak with t…

I do it too....and I hate it........

I'm trying to tackle it by writing it down and waiting for others to finish with some decent success.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#37

Post by Blackstone4 »

oneepic wrote: post #31
Blackstone4 wrote: post #22

Always finish what you have to say even if others start trying to talk over you. If you stop it makes it look like what you have to say is not important. Check out this YouTube video titled: How to stop people from talking over you. https://youtu.be/ikAfrKf5A8I The YouTube channel Charisma on Command have a bunch of great videos on EQ.

I'm not really a huge fan of that channel in terms of the political content and overall presentation of each topic. But more to the point, this advice can really backfire -- maybe it will become a contest of who can speak the loudest, and you'll wind up confusing and pissing everyone off. I think I still lean towards talking to a manager as a more effective strategy, and a culture where management lets this kind of t…

I feel like it’s all about finishing what you are saying calmly and confidently without necessarily getting louder. It might mean everyone doesn’t hear you but that’s not the point. The point is to maintain a strong social position.

I’m not sure going to a manager will work. That’s like saying: Rather than adapting my behaviour, I’d rather go to someone in the group who has power and ask them to defend me...I would rather improve my social skills and navigate the company myself. This would build my EQ and make promotions more likely.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#38

Post by andrewflnr »

Tagbert wrote: post #26
icedchai wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What do you do when the director / manager is actually the one doing the interrupting?

You can still bring it up to them as a problem that you have noticed where "some people" get overeager and interrupt others. mention the downsides and ask if he can help change the culture. You don't have to point the finger at him and it helps to enlist his help rather than complain.

You can try, but unless they (perhaps privately) realize they're part of the problem, I expect they'll end up verbally condemning interruptions while sabotaging any real attempts to curtail it, largely but not entirely by continuing to set a bad example. Is there a way to make this strategy actually work? By which I mean, have people actually seen it work in the long term? I'd love to be proven wrong.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#39

Post by godelski »

Blackstone4 wrote: post #22

Always finish what you have to say even if others start trying to talk over you. If you stop it makes it look like what you have to say is not important. Check out this YouTube video titled: How to stop people from talking over you. https://youtu.be/ikAfrKf5A8I The YouTube channel Charisma on Command have a bunch of great videos on EQ.

As a shy person this is what I had found has been effective. By shutting up you give that person dominance and they usually continue to do it more. If you continue talking they end up looking like the rude person. But this technique requires persistence and doesn't always work. Sometimes people are just jerks (or don't realize what they're doing)

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#40

Post by ethbro »

avgDev wrote: post #36
andrewcarter wrote: post #15

I have a problem cutting people off- I get way to excited about what I want to say and jump in. I really appreciate when people call me out and don't take it personally. I also try to work on it and try to help steer the conversation to other people who have been cut off when I see it happen. So IMO don't be afraid to politely just let someone know! If you don't feel comfortable during the meeting, maybe speak with t…

I do it too....and I hate it........ I'm trying to tackle it by writing it down and waiting for others to finish with some decent success.

Try keeping a stopwatch in your head (think speed chess).

Start it when you start talking, and periodically make it a habit to check ("How long has it been since someone else talked?").

If it's been too long, wrap up your thoughts and pause a while before launching into the next bit.

It's usually obliviousness ("I didn't notice anyone else", in my personal experience), but it can feel very rude to others ("I didn't want to listen to anyone else").

All part of soft skills. We all get better together.

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