Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#1

Post by president » Tue, Jul 16, 2019, 7:46 PM UTC

I work in an office environment (large Bay Area corporate enterprise software co) where people are constantly cutting each other off in conversations and technical discussions. For people that are a more soft-spoken, it is almost impossible to get a word in - nevermind getting a full thought-process in. This has negative implications on work discussions as the loudest people who are usually dominating the conversations, from my observation, are usually not the brightest.

I am not someone who tolerates getting cut-off easily but it is frustrating and it takes a lot of energy for me to drive the conversation back on track and say what I want to say. This is something that I never had to deal in previous work environments prior to moving to the Bay Area so I'm inclined to think it's something specific to this area. Recently, I have moved to a team in my company where it is almost damn near impossible to have my thoughts heard and in some cases, I just shut myself off from discussions to save my energy. It's starting to affect my work life and my daily mood because in a lot of cases I just don't have the energy to reject and explain why we shouldn't be doing X, Y, or Z.

Is this a common thing in workplaces? I would be interested in hearing if people have been in this situation and how they've dealt with it if so.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#2

Post by andymoe » Tue, Jul 16, 2019, 7:56 PM UTC

Yes, it's common especially in places where it goes un-checked. One idea that can work to start to change this behavior is to verbalize when someone else is cut off. "Bob, it sounded like you were had something to add." If you start helping others get a word in some folks will start to get the message. Another, more direct approach, is feedback to those that keep cutting folks off. Finally, you can push for "retro" type meetings where you bring up this kind of thing. If you are feeling this way fore sure others are and you will start to see retention issues and a company filled with a mono culture of folks. The keyword to look into is "psychological safety" and how to foster that.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#3

Post by ziddoap » Tue, Jul 16, 2019, 7:59 PM UTC

Anecdotally, this seems fairly common but perhaps not to the same intensity that you've alluded.

The way I helped curb this at my workplace, which may or may not be applicable to you, was by always back-tracking to the person who was cut off.

X starts saying something, Y cuts them off. As soon as Y is done speaking, I ask X: "Sorry X, what were you saying?" while ignoring Y. This non-confrontational approach seemed to work, at least in my workplace. Y quickly began to realize that they were cutting off X and that the table was interested in what X had to say.

Unfortunately this requires two people. If you are the one being cut off, without someone else to step in, this is a hard problem to deal with.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#4

Post by duxup » Tue, Jul 16, 2019, 8:02 PM UTC

I worked at a place like that. I wasn't even aware of the problem. It was just how things were.

One day our director called a meeting and announced that our whole department had a serious issue with interrupting. He noted the results of interrupting each other (not hearing each other out, drifting off topic, just being seen by the rest of the company as jerks). He laid out a bunch of rules for meetings, discussions, etc and he policed them for a few months.

It mostly worked as everyone (even the interrupters) saw the benefits pretty fast and the urge to interrupt seemed to fade as everyone knew they'd get to get all their words out of their mouth when it was their turn. Meetings even went faster.

Might be worth probing if your manager or any leadership feel like it is a problem / what the impact of this communication style is.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#5

Post by aurizon » Tue, Jul 16, 2019, 8:32 PM UTC

Much of what you describe is covered in this search termset. Juries have the same problem, the Loud Howard's over shadow the intelligent jurors. https://www.google.com/search?ei=2jMuXeWVCa-OggekrZnoBw&q=de... Judges get detailed training. Go over a few pages of these trees and select things you can apply. https://www.google.com/search?q=how+to+be+a+jury+foreman&oq=...

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#6

Post by mrdependable » Tue, Jul 16, 2019, 8:40 PM UTC

duxup wrote: post #4

I worked at a place like that. I wasn't even aware of the problem. It was just how things were. One day our director called a meeting and announced that our whole department had a serious issue with interrupting. He noted the results of interrupting each other (not hearing each other out, drifting off topic, just being seen by the rest of the company as jerks). He laid out a bunch of rules for meetings, discussions,…

That director sounds awesome. Wish managers at the place I used to work at actually followed through with initiatives / cared.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#7

Post by icedchai » Tue, Jul 16, 2019, 9:01 PM UTC

duxup wrote: post #4

I worked at a place like that. I wasn't even aware of the problem. It was just how things were. One day our director called a meeting and announced that our whole department had a serious issue with interrupting. He noted the results of interrupting each other (not hearing each other out, drifting off topic, just being seen by the rest of the company as jerks). He laid out a bunch of rules for meetings, discussions,…

What do you do when the director / manager is actually the one doing the interrupting?

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#8

Post by lostmymind66 » Tue, Jul 16, 2019, 9:01 PM UTC

The person running the meeting should be moderating it as well, which would solve these issues.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#9

Post by stcredzero » Tue, Jul 16, 2019, 9:04 PM UTC

andymoe wrote: post #2

Yes, it's common especially in places where it goes un-checked. One idea that can work to start to change this behavior is to verbalize when someone else is cut off. "Bob, it sounded like you were had something to add." If you start helping others get a word in some folks will start to get the message. Another, more direct approach, is feedback to those that keep cutting folks off. Finally, you can push for "retro" t…

I don't think it's best to think of this in terms of "safety." Interruption is a dark pattern. It enables the user of the pattern to gain more attention and get more "turns" at speaking, but does it at the expense of group members being able to express complicated or difficult concepts. It's a pattern which suppresses thought and information.

Re: Ask HN: How to deal with constantly getting cut off in work discussions?

#10

Post by vorpalhex » Tue, Jul 16, 2019, 9:04 PM UTC

There are two potentials here.

One potential is if it's just one or two people being cut off constantly - if so, they might need to practice being engaging speakers and speaking more concisely. Everybody has the one coworker who takes 10 minutes to get to a 30 second point. (Cutting people off is still rude, the above isn't an excuse, it's an explanation.)

The alternative is that everyone is fighting to get out their idea instead of cooperating to lay out all ideas. If you need to, go buy a damn ruler, label it the talking stick, and whoever holds it gets to talk. Preferably before getting to that point, have a conversation with your peers that the deliberative process is a cooperative one - it's not about winning and losing, it's about everyone putting out their possible solutions and working together to build the right one.