you are not your fucking job. --tyler durden
Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?
131–140 of 292 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?
#132One way might be to split envy in to:
Covetousness Resentment Sadness (Maybe ambition?)
Covetousness is really, really, bad. It will eat your soul. It is the desire to take what someone else has for yourself. “I want his car.” “I want his girlfriend.”
Resentment can be useful for a short term, but will eat you and cause bitterness if it festers. “I am not paid what I’m worth, I can get better elsewhere.” Is a useful statement if it is accurate and you act on it. But if you are lying to yourself or if you don’t act, it turns bad.
Sadness is a normal human emotion when things just aren’t how you hoped they were.
Ambition is the (mostly healthy within limits) impetus to achieve more. “I want a boyfriend who is nice the way his is.” “I want an even cooler car than anyone I know.” As long as you remain healthy and within your ethical system, ambition is good.
I think maybe taking a frustrating emotion like envy and reframing it with component parts can help you approach it differently?
Just an idea.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?
#133He probably borrowed this from the Bible, but despite Louis CK being toxic, I still hear him saying, "never look in someone else's bowl to see if they have more than you. Only look to make sure they have enough."
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?
#134I'm not envious of people like that - they are still corporate slaves, working on other people's ideas, trading all their time for a little bit of extra money. The praise/acclaim they are getting is so bosses/society can exploit them better. The difference between $80k or $200k salary makes almost no difference in quality of life. The $200k dev is often more stressed and not as happy as they look on the outside. Most…
>The difference between $80k or $200k salary makes almost no difference in quality of life.
I don’t see how this is true for any urban area, where $80k will not let you save any significant amount whereas $200k will provide you a decent cushion in case your incoming cash flow experiences turbulence. The peace of mind resulting from this certainly improves quality of life, especially if you have mouths to feed.
Also, at $200k you can save enough to start investing in equity, and make real wealth gains as opposed to the pittance earned by way of wages for labor.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?
#135One way might be to split envy in to: Covetousness Resentment Sadness (Maybe ambition?) Covetousness is really, really, bad. It will eat your soul. It is the desire to take what someone else has for yourself. “I want his car.” “I want his girlfriend.” Resentment can be useful for a short term, but will eat you and cause bitterness if it festers. “I am not paid what I’m worth, I can get better elsewhere.” Is a useful…
I think that’s a really useful breakdown. And I think it lets one attack the problem in a way that’s productive and healthy. If you’re able to be honest with yourself and admit that you are having very human feelings, by feelings that are counter-productive and self-indulgent you’re more likely to be able put on the brakes.
I know that I’m intellectually vain. It’s a personal foible and it can be very unattractive, but I’m always concerned that everyone know how smart I am. But I think being able to admit it, and acknowledging it is a fault, is the first step towards controlling it.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?
#136Earlier quoted context omitted.
What I've seen happen is that people find cognitive-dissonance coping strategies like you describe and just find solace in that. They change their goals "I didn't want that anyway" "It wasn't my destiny to do that" "I'm much happier with this than if I had done that" etc... At the end of the day you either realize your goal, or you change it. You can either pretend like it was the plan all along, admit defeat and try…
I agree with all of this except the final sentence. All of these options seem sustainable, although some more desirable than others. But which did you mean to suggest was the sustainable one?
Admit defeat and try something new
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?
#137Doing well is the best revenge. When you find yourself seething take ten minutes and do some career development, pick something to study that you're weak in and funnel that non productive time into your future success
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?
#138I've yet to meet someone I would trade places with. If they're smarter than me, maybe they make less money. If they're richer than me, and smarter, maybe I don't care for their spouse. Or they're in bad physical shape, or they're neurotic and difficult to be around. If all else fails, you can consider how many people have it worse than you, and how, even if you had it worse, it would still be ok. Until a man is twent…
In what novel is that excerpt from?
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?
#139I've yet to meet someone I would trade places with. If they're smarter than me, maybe they make less money. If they're richer than me, and smarter, maybe I don't care for their spouse. Or they're in bad physical shape, or they're neurotic and difficult to be around. If all else fails, you can consider how many people have it worse than you, and how, even if you had it worse, it would still be ok. Until a man is twent…
Though to be fair, that quote is from the worlds greatest cyber samurai, perhaps only unremarkable because being a cyber samurai isn’t all that important in that universe.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?
#140I've yet to meet someone I would trade places with. If they're smarter than me, maybe they make less money. If they're richer than me, and smarter, maybe I don't care for their spouse. Or they're in bad physical shape, or they're neurotic and difficult to be around. If all else fails, you can consider how many people have it worse than you, and how, even if you had it worse, it would still be ok. Until a man is twent…
In what novel is that excerpt from?
Snow crash