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Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#111

Post by ksaj »

cj wrote: post #96
ksaj wrote: post #61

I recently was working with a quantum startup where the founder was so jealous of me he came up with a new lie about his history and accomplishments multiple times a day. It was endless, and nearly nothing he said had any basis in reality. I totally gave up on him when his lies became so audacious he got mad at me twice for casually dismissing his claims of being the real Satoshi and that Rigetti totally stole his id…

Sometimes the best thing to do in that kind of a situation is to let the person "win" the conversation every so often.

Most of the time I just nodded along and mmhmm until he lost steam. It's hard to fake interest throughout a full on barrage of crazy.

I went along with everything until I discovered nearly his entire code base was copied from other people's git repos and the one thing that seemed to have a little genuine code wasn't capable of meeting his claims. Then he pretended it as "obfuscated" and as a hacker, I should see through it. The problem is,I totally saw through it.

Maybe he was hoping I'd turn his imaginations into real things. I really couldn't tell.

His behaviour was so bizarre, I was concerned he could explode spectacularly. Not worth the time and effort to calm his jealousy and internal rage.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#112

Post by DonHopkins »

idlewords wrote: post #88
DrDimension wrote: post #68

If you want something that someone else has got, ask them for it. More often than not, they will give it to you. If you find someone who is outpacing you, humble yourself for a damn minute and try asking them what they are doing that makes them so effective, then see if you can make it work for you. If more engineers had this mindset, we'd all be better off.

Could I please have three hundred thousand dollars?

I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=I%27ll%20gla...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrUbFZdiZxM

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#113

Post by halfjoking »

I'm not envious of people like that - they are still corporate slaves, working on other people's ideas, trading all their time for a little bit of extra money. The praise/acclaim they are getting is so bosses/society can exploit them better. The difference between $80k or $200k salary makes almost no difference in quality of life. The $200k dev is often more stressed and not as happy as they look on the outside. Most are keeping up a facade.

The only people I would feel envy towards are people who have both time and money, and could do whatever they want (fuck you money).

Especially depressing is reading IndieHackers, because it seems like everyone there just tests out some idea, then suddenly they're making $35k MRR. But even those people I'm not envious. Most of the time I realize that their idea wouldn't be something I'm passionate about, and even when it's a similar product to mine it wouldn't be built how I would choose to build it. Even if I was rich I would be building my projects - and that's what I enjoy, so the journey is more important than the end result.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#114

Post by cneurotic »

CalRobert wrote: post #81

At the end of the day, it's just a fucking job. If you need the money I understand the envy, and I've been there. But ultimately most of us are working really hard to make other people rich. Being really good at that game (and it's a pretty bitter game) isn't something to be envious of. I have never seen a high paying job in tech that wasn't ALSO higher stress and generally more hours. I'm sure exceptions exist, but…

Really resonated with me. "Seeing the kid more often" is the hardest hitting observation.

"Its just a fucking job" indeed!

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#115

Post by throwaway713 »

I don't envy other people; someone is always going to make a higher salary. I do however want a high enough salary (or a successful enough side project) to permanently buy my freedom in terms of time; i.e., financial freedom.

There's many things I would rather be doing with 8-9 hours a day: AI research, cancer research, volunteer work. I also think my greatest achievements in life have all occurred when I wasn't under pressure, which is difficult when you have a full time job.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#116

Post by DonHopkins »

kuiro5 wrote: post #78

This quote from Naval Ravikant: “You have to be that person. Do you want to be that person with all of their reactions, their desires, their family, their happiness level, their outlook on life, and their self image? If you’re not willing to do a whole sale, 24/7, 100% swap with who that person is, then there’s no point in being jealous.”

Sounds like a recipe for identity theft!

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#117

Post by naveen99 »

If you are ok with older people being more successful and value their mentorship, just think you identified another potential mentor ahead of their time in age. Start learning from them now... would you be jealous of Einstein if he came back reincarnated younger than you ? Or would you cherish the chance to get to know him ?

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#118

Post by trulyrandom »

idlewords wrote: post #93
hwartig wrote: post #39

Jordan B. Peterson writes in “12 Rules for Life - an antidote to chaos” that you should “compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today”

Make it your aim to live your whole life without listening to Jordan B. Peterson

Why? Is that quote bad advice?

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#119

Post by DoreenMichele »

In most cases, you probably have no real idea what is involved in their so-called success.

Sometimes it's mostly hype and hot air. Theranos was valued at $10 billion. It dropped to basically zero overnight. Now the founder is set to be prosecuted on criminal charges.

Other times, sure, their success is real -- and comes at the cost of divorce, chronic drug use to manage consequent health issues etc. Rich and famous people are sometimes privately pretty miserable. We sometimes get insight into their personal misery during headline making personal drama, like bankruptcy, ugly divorces or death due to drug overdose.

I like to say "Sometimes, the grass is greener because of all the crap."

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#120

Post by asdfasgasdgasdg »

Buttons840 wrote: post #75
DrDimension wrote: post #68

If you want something that someone else has got, ask them for it. More often than not, they will give it to you. If you find someone who is outpacing you, humble yourself for a damn minute and try asking them what they are doing that makes them so effective, then see if you can make it work for you. If more engineers had this mindset, we'd all be better off.

Good point. I've more often been frustrated because I feel I'm the smartest in the room. I acknowledge this may be because of my own pride, but either way it sucks.

Having more horsepower under the hood is almost always helpful, but driving in the right direction tends to be more important.
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