Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

Truthfully building and maintaining relationships with those who are more successful can always help you become more successful yourself. I've come to realize many of the people I was "trying to keep up with" have different and potentially complementary objectives in life. Learn from everyone especially those more successful than you instead of trying to tear them down, frequently a rising tide lifts many boats.

I did really well for myself early on (not as well as some, better than most) and I realized it didn't make me happy intrinsically. As such, I've started investing in myself, in relationships, and in figuring out what does make me happy. It's great seeing my contemporaries do well. I've let go of a lot of things and people who weren't making me happy lately and it's really nice, actually.

Perspective matters, and in some ways, comes for us all in time.

Pretty sure what you're describing is jealousy and not envy.

I was envious of my friends success and higher pay but I never wanted to deny them or dream of their failure.

It did motivate me and was one of the reason why I quit my public sector job for private sector.

I think everybody have different path and that learning to accept it is maturity. The mindset of being better than them is terrible for me. I focus on what they have that I lack and what can I improve upon. I also accept that I wasn't as good as selling myself as some of my friends are especially coming from an ESL background. But I've come to term with that and focus on building my skill set that I lack and deem important to me.

The people that do better than me are something I use as a road map but I make sure not to waste time day dreaming about being in their position or to over think it. It's a waste of time because there are tons of other things I can be doing right now (improving in many area of my life instead of day dreaming).

Good point. I've more often been frustrated because I feel I'm the smartest in the room. I acknowledge this may be because of my own pride, but either way it sucks.

> Pretty sure what you're describing is jealousy and not envy.

Homer Simpson and I are both pretty sure it is indeed envy, not jealousy.

https://youtu.be/Tmx1jpqv3RA

As a late professional bloomer in corporate America/megacorp tech and someone without a traditional CS education background I struggle with this a lot.

But in the moment of envy it comes down to what your personal goals are and if you are reaching them. Personally, when I see others flying high I wonder how many long hours and weekends they have put in for that 10-20% extra they might be making. When others get more acclaim I wonder how long the glow of that lasts until they are expected to raise the bar even more to outdo their last accomplishment.

If your goals are acclaim and more money then it would be good to talk to the high flyers and find out what their special sauce is. If your goals lie elsewhere its okay to take a minute to be frustrated, but see how that frustration could be used to fuel your own drive toward your goals. High-flyers only have so many good years anyway until they are eclipsed by someone younger, prettier, more skilled or dynamic.

Just for reference, I realized that I am not cut out to be a high flyer but had specific compensation and work/life balance goals for myself.