Older Americans are alone half their waking hours, on average • Hacker News Board

Re: Older Americans are alone half their waking hours, on average

#51

Post by lotsofpulp » Fri, Jul 12, 2019, 3:53 PM UTC

andreilys wrote: post #33

ixtli wrote: post #17

As an anecdote, I've lived the majority of my life in America (born and raised middle class on the east coast in a wealthy area) and if I was tasked with writing an account of my time here it would be focused around one thing: alienation. American life is atomized and consistently getting more so. For anyone who sits around and thinks about why people are the way they are here I highly encourage you to consider that…

To live alone one must be either a beast or a god, says Aristotle. Leaving out the third case: one must be both - a philosopher. - Nietzsche

How do the logistics of being born alone work? In my experience, at least one other human is required.

Re: Older Americans are alone half their waking hours, on average

#52

Post by tvanantwerp » Fri, Jul 12, 2019, 3:53 PM UTC

swiley wrote: post #4

Stop making assumptions about other people (they’re lazy/dangerous/whatever) and go out and be friendly. This Wednesday I wandered around the city playing ukulele at 3 in the morning and I met all kinds of interesting people, everything from this beautiful female graduate student who just wanted to talk about schoastics to someone who wanted me to call his “friend in Florida.” Just go out and be with people, they’re…

I'm glad you're getting out there, meeting people, and spreading happiness.

But if you wander past my bedroom window at 3am playing an instrument, expect to have something heavy thrown at your head. ;-)

Re: Older Americans are alone half their waking hours, on average

#53

Post by appleiigs » Fri, Jul 12, 2019, 3:53 PM UTC

ryanmercer wrote: post #13

I'm 34 and once you add in the weekends I am and talking is extremely discouraged at work, in an open office, so even at work you're basically alone just siting there listening to music or podcasts all day. At Gym1 I talk to my lifting coach but most of the time I'm in my head focused on training, after that at Gym2 I'm just trying to do my accessory work and conditioning and don't talk to anyone other than "hey" bac…

I don't do Crossfit, but with all that time in the gym, I can see why their community spirit is very appealing.

Edit. I also live with my retired mother. For her simply having the option to socialize with me is enough. She knows she can watch a movie with me at home or ask me to go grocery shopping with her.

Re: Older Americans are alone half their waking hours, on average

#54

Post by rev12 » Fri, Jul 12, 2019, 3:53 PM UTC

ixtli wrote: post #17

As an anecdote, I've lived the majority of my life in America (born and raised middle class on the east coast in a wealthy area) and if I was tasked with writing an account of my time here it would be focused around one thing: alienation. American life is atomized and consistently getting more so. For anyone who sits around and thinks about why people are the way they are here I highly encourage you to consider that…

Very well put.

Often when I hear about the older generation of my family, who immigrated and lived in Brooklyn for years before moving to the "burbs", I think they had good intentions but didn't do any favors for the subsequent generations.

My parents grew up and stones throw away from grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins - a lot even lived in multi family, multi generational homes. When my mom had kids she had a support system that included people from 3 different generations, all willing to lend a hand. Their social lives revolved around interacting with all different family members, and get together were happening almost daily just because of the inherent (lack of) distance between them all.

Now, we all live in the burbs, with long distances between each other. The grandparents see the kids a few times a year and we all have to make concrete plans to have get togethers. Interacting with most extended family is reserved for weddings or funerals and the lack of true support systems takes it toll on all of us.

I could possibly be romanticizing the past, but when compared to the current lifestyle, I truly believe it wasn't for the best.

Re: Older Americans are alone half their waking hours, on average

#55

Post by sun_n_surf » Fri, Jul 12, 2019, 3:55 PM UTC

Hey man, I am like 35 and alone all the time.

Re: Older Americans are alone half their waking hours, on average

#56

Post by jokoon » Fri, Jul 12, 2019, 3:55 PM UTC

stirfrykitty wrote: post #37

I may be in the minority, but the older I get the more I want to be alone. I love my wife and kids, but there is almost too much pressure anymore to do this, do that. There are too many hands on my time. I recharge only when alone. I cannot do it with the TV on, kids in the background, etc. It's one of the reasons I like hunting. Just me and the great outdoors. I really like getting up at 0430 and being in the deer b…

Introversion/extraversion is a spectrum. It's about recharging batteries and having a balance between a social life and a solitary life. You seem to get a good share of social life, so obviously you need to seek solitary experiences.

The problem is that for many, there is a trend where social life is hard to obtain for several reasons.

Re: Older Americans are alone half their waking hours, on average

#57

Post by lotsofpulp » Fri, Jul 12, 2019, 3:56 PM UTC

rev12 wrote: post #54

ixtli wrote: post #17

As an anecdote, I've lived the majority of my life in America (born and raised middle class on the east coast in a wealthy area) and if I was tasked with writing an account of my time here it would be focused around one thing: alienation. American life is atomized and consistently getting more so. For anyone who sits around and thinks about why people are the way they are here I highly encourage you to consider that…

Very well put. Often when I hear about the older generation of my family, who immigrated and lived in Brooklyn for years before moving to the "burbs", I think they had good intentions but didn't do any favors for the subsequent generations. My parents grew up and stones throw away from grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins - a lot even lived in multi family, multi generational homes. When my mom had kids she had a sup…

It’s a consequence of our inability to predict the future and measure certain gains and losses. It’s easy to measure safety, comfort, convenience of single family detached homes with garages. It’s difficult to measure benefits of community and family, except perhaps the cost of babysitting versus leaving with grandparents. Not only is it hard to measure, but the trade offs are hard to compare and so we end up going with the easy, obvious choices.

Re: Older Americans are alone half their waking hours, on average

#58

Post by AnIdiotOnTheNet » Fri, Jul 12, 2019, 3:56 PM UTC

colonelpopcorn wrote: post #8

gcoda wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

i bet you are not alone if you consider online messaging.

Not even close to being with people in person.

It actually might be worse. I hypothesize that the kinds of interactions we have online are the social equivalent of "empty calories". They tweak the brain's reward mechanism for socializing without actually getting any of the real benefits.

Re: Older Americans are alone half their waking hours, on average

#59

Post by technothrasher » Fri, Jul 12, 2019, 3:57 PM UTC

notus wrote: post #31

This resonates a lot with my experience and reminds me of a short book I read by Sebastian Junger called Tribe. His focus is more on the tribal aspect of military life and that the disassociation with a close knit group or a tribe is part of what leads to PTSD as there are quite a few people who have been in the military who have PTSD despite not ever being in combat. He claims that in smaller tribal communities ment…

If I'm around people after work I generally feel more positive and have less anxiety, but left alone for too long and my anxiety will start to take over.

Interesting. I'm the exact opposite. When I have to do things like hang around with people from work for too long, my anxiety increases until I can get away and be alone. I'm not a social recluse, I have a wife and kid, and I enjoy spending time with them, I try to make time for my parents at least weekly, and I enjoy hanging out with my friends. But definitely anxiety builds as my time in contact with other people increases. Alone is often my "happy place".

Re: Older Americans are alone half their waking hours, on average

#60

Post by tvanantwerp » Fri, Jul 12, 2019, 3:57 PM UTC

jackcosgrove wrote: post #38

Many Americans own a lot of idle property. There is a problem now where baby boomers want to age in place in their suburban homes, which locks younger people out of those properties. However these suburban homes have huge yards by global standards, that could easily support the construction of grandparent/in-law structures. It seems like one solution is for the suburban elderly to, maybe with their children's assista…

A big obstacle to having extended families under one roof is that often the children don't want to live where the parents' home is located. I am certain I could move in with my mom tomorrow if I wanted--but it would mean leaving a city I've come to love and the career I've built here to live in a small town with little culture and zero opportunities.

I think this is what you see in many rural American towns where only a small elderly population remains, while the young people all moved to cities for economic opportunity.