It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy • Hacker News Board

Re: It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

#11

Post by dasyatidprime » Tue, Jul 09, 2019, 3:54 AM UTC

cecilpl2 wrote: post #8

dasyatidprime wrote: post #4

Okay, sure, but: many physical attributes, social perceptions, and pervasive mental habits probably do become increasingly solidified, even if fatalism about it is counterproductive. Sure, there's plenty of late bloomers, but how many of them do you get from a broken late starting point, and how many do you get from people who worked slowly and methodically and did the right slow things earlier on, taking care of the…

> I'm trying to convince myself to try anyway What else are you going to do? You are where you are right now, and you can either put in the effort to make your life better or you can give up now. The time's going to pass anyway, you might as well make the most of it.

If that worked enough of the time, articles like the OP wouldn't get written much. Emotionally speaking, giving up is actually a pretty sticky idea! The potential for putting a pile of effort in, finding it wasn't really enough, and being confronted afterward with all the things you did wrong with no chance to correct them now is paralyzing; it's “safer” in a way to not try, never know, and only experience the one, easily-dampened gnawing failure of having wandered off the path, rather than having a hundred different failures confirmed through hard work and inadequacy. I think a lot of people experience this in at least some areas of life, and it's a big source of deciding to lowball, or of blaming the environment (which isn't always factually false, but I'm referring to the emotional interpretation) or making various rationalizations surrounding “talent” or whatnot.

So cognitively I know that's a common problem with an obvious answer, but it doesn't mean I can just skip to the end without convincing the rest of me.

Re: It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

#12

Post by puranjay » Tue, Jul 09, 2019, 3:55 AM UTC

lanrh1836 wrote: post #5

This makes the wrong assumption that happiness comes with success. Success doesn’t bring happiness. If anything, being happy in the first place is what gives you a better chance at achieving success.

That's a great way of looking at it!

Re: It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

#13

Post by puranjay » Tue, Jul 09, 2019, 3:58 AM UTC

superqd wrote: post #7

Yeah, I totally suffer from this far too much. Intellectually, I understand that much of the success of my peers of which I'm envious, has nothing to do with my abilities, per se, but more to do with luck and personality differences. I am who I am, and that affects the probabilities of who I meet and when, and what opportunities I'm willing to chase when they arise. I know this, and realize the, primarily, financial…

Have you ever seen the kind of backgrounds people who are frequently lauded in the media for being successful early come from? Most had some luxuries that you probably did not - wealthy parents, extensive training in their chosen field, etc.

It's not always about talent. Knowing that your parents have millions allows you to think in a way someone struggling to pay rent can't.

I wasn't able to think long-term and actually build something until I hit my late 20s. Until then, I couldn't think past the short-term goal of just making money.

Re: It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

#14

Post by spraak » Tue, Jul 09, 2019, 4:01 AM UTC

As a Hindu who believes in reincarnation, it gives me a sort of patience that certain things may not be possible for me this lifetime, and that's ok. It doesn't make me try for any less, but I am less attached to the outcome.

Re: It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

#15

Post by puranjay » Tue, Jul 09, 2019, 4:01 AM UTC

provolone wrote: post #3

Charles Bukowski immediately came to mind while reading the list of late bloomers.

Bukowski isn't the best example because while he became successful late in life, he'd been working on his craft for decades earlier. He didn't take up writing at 50; he just started getting published at 50. He already had decades of experience.

If Bukowski had never written a thing until he was 45, then it would make sense

Re: It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

#16

Post by fulafel » Tue, Jul 09, 2019, 4:02 AM UTC

Language question as non-native speaker: (M-W) dictionary definition of "success" refers to "succeed" which goes..

"1a : to come next after another in office or position or in possession of an estate especially : to inherit sovereignty, rank, or title " and "2a : to turn out well, b : to attain a desired object or end "

When people use the word to mean securing a good position in a corporation, are they consciously using the 1a definition?

In casual use I always thought it's just a practical word to mean whether you attained your goal in a specific contextz, so general "success" should naturally mean whether you are content with your life.

Re: It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

#17

Post by HeyLaughingBoy » Tue, Jul 09, 2019, 4:05 AM UTC

fulafel wrote: post #16

Language question as non-native speaker: (M-W) dictionary definition of "success" refers to "succeed" which goes.. "1a : to come next after another in office or position or in possession of an estate especially : to inherit sovereignty, rank, or title " and "2a : to turn out well, b : to attain a desired object or end " When people use the word to mean securing a good position in a corporation, are they consciously u…

No, they're using the 2a definition. Office in this sense does not mean "room in a building."

Re: It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

#18

Post by kadira » Tue, Jul 09, 2019, 4:05 AM UTC

fulafel wrote: post #16

Language question as non-native speaker: (M-W) dictionary definition of "success" refers to "succeed" which goes.. "1a : to come next after another in office or position or in possession of an estate especially : to inherit sovereignty, rank, or title " and "2a : to turn out well, b : to attain a desired object or end " When people use the word to mean securing a good position in a corporation, are they consciously u…

I think you need a better dictionary. https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=define%20success

Re: It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

#19

Post by slfnflctd » Tue, Jul 09, 2019, 4:06 AM UTC

dasyatidprime wrote: post #11

cecilpl2 wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I'm trying to convince myself to try anyway What else are you going to do? You are where you are right now, and you can either put in the effort to make your life better or you can give up now. The time's going to pass anyway, you might as well make the most of it.

If that worked enough of the time, articles like the OP wouldn't get written much. Emotionally speaking, giving up is actually a pretty sticky idea! The potential for putting a pile of effort in, finding it wasn't really enough, and being confronted afterward with all the things you did wrong with no chance to correct them now is paralyzing ; it's “safer” in a way to not try, never know, and only experience the one,…

That was brutally real.

Our short attention spans keep giving us new chances, though. If you decide to give up, you can't just do it once (okay, you can, but please don't)-- you have to keep deciding to give up every day. Eventually you realize you're going to need to give up on giving up, at least some of the time.

However, I know what you mean quite fully. I've given up on everything from academic hopes, to artistic dreams, to multiple types of fantasies I was taught were real as a child, to career possibilities and more. Learning to rest in the knowledge that someone out there is already doing whatever cool stuff I could've done, better than I could've done it - and training myself to be mildly comforted by this - has brought me no small amount of peace.

Sentient existence is weird and hard. Giving up is an important life skill.

Re: It's Never Too Late to Be Successful and Happy

#20

Post by HeWhoLurksLate » Tue, Jul 09, 2019, 4:08 AM UTC

superqd wrote: post #7

Yeah, I totally suffer from this far too much. Intellectually, I understand that much of the success of my peers of which I'm envious, has nothing to do with my abilities, per se, but more to do with luck and personality differences. I am who I am, and that affects the probabilities of who I meet and when, and what opportunities I'm willing to chase when they arise. I know this, and realize the, primarily, financial…

I can relate to that, too- I'm intellectually smart, but socially awkward, which kinda stinks- I say the wrong things, goof up, and mess up wording often.

For me, what works is to stop worrying about what others say- so what if I misspeak and call an end effector an "endofactor" once in a presentation if it's spelled properly on screen?

Now that I've written the above I realize that I'm best when I prepare as much as I can.