How much free time do you have? • Hacker News Board

Re: How much free time do you have?

#101

Post by username90 » Sat, Jul 06, 2019, 8:00 AM UTC

kungtotte wrote: post #93

username90 wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> In reality time with young kids is about mundane things like making meals, doing homework, playing what they want to play, trying to coax them to help with chores that you need to get done, finding craft activities to deflect them from screen-time etc etc There is little evidence that any of those helps your kid, you do it because you want to not because it is needed.

There is little evidence that feeding and activating your kid is helping them? Homework? There's little evidence that your kid ought to do their homework? Or did you zero in on the screen-time statement and really meant that there's not much evidence as to how damaging screen-time is for a kid?

Making meals for the kids can be done at the same time as making meals for yourself, no extra time spent there unless you make exceptions for them. No need to activate the kid, kids can entertain themselves if you let them. Helping them with homework is not important, no, you can tell them to do their homework but that doesn't take a lot of time to do.

The thing is that you as a parent has extremely small influence on your kid. Your goal should be to provide a stress free environment they can feel safe in, you do that by not stressing about all of these things, everything else you do for your kid is for your own sake. Every hour you force feed them information and activities is an hour they don't get to discover and experience things on their own. Both are valuable, so picking one over the other doesn't really change much.

Re: How much free time do you have?

#102

Post by gewoonkris » Sat, Jul 06, 2019, 8:00 AM UTC

Waterluvian wrote: post #27

Some feedback about the formula from a parent: The formula needs to account for the reality that with young children your "parental duties" expands to occupy all free time when kids are awake. And also shifts other chores into any free time slots when kids are asleep. Kids are asleep. Time to clean the kitchen, do the dishes, switch the laundry, cut some veggies for tomorrow's dinner, and then find somewhere softer t…

I try to make it a point to do all the chores when the kids are awake. When they are asleep is time to relax; not do mundane tasks

I don't feel it's my duty to entertain my kinds every waking hour, so if they have to settle with watching me fold the laundry or unload the dishwasher, so be it.

This probably won't win me the father-of-the-year award, and it is parenting-style me and my girlfriend don't always agree about, but I refuse to sacrifice all my free time for my children.

Re: How much free time do you have?

#103

Post by DanBC » Sat, Jul 06, 2019, 8:04 AM UTC

gewoonkris wrote: post #102

Waterluvian wrote: post #27

Some feedback about the formula from a parent: The formula needs to account for the reality that with young children your "parental duties" expands to occupy all free time when kids are awake. And also shifts other chores into any free time slots when kids are asleep. Kids are asleep. Time to clean the kitchen, do the dishes, switch the laundry, cut some veggies for tomorrow's dinner, and then find somewhere softer t…

I try to make it a point to do all the chores when the kids are awake. When they are asleep is time to relax; not do mundane tasks I don't feel it's my duty to entertain my kinds every waking hour, so if they have to settle with watching me fold the laundry or unload the dishwasher, so be it. This probably won't win me the father-of-the-year award, and it is parenting-style me and my girlfriend don't always agree abo…

How would you feel about this choice if one of your children died of cancer?

Would you still think you'd made the right choice, or would you regret prioritising laundry over your children?

Re: How much free time do you have?

#104

Post by meheleventyone » Sat, Jul 06, 2019, 8:05 AM UTC

jobigoud wrote: post #96

In my probably unpopular opinion, parenting shouln'd be on the list. It's not a forced activity like sleeping or eating or commuting. It's a conscious choice people make between it and other hobbies.

That sounds very naive. Yes people have chosen to have kids (and some haven’t) but you also chose where and how you work so by similar logic we should discount those choices. Once you have kids there are a lot of things that aren’t optional, and unlike a long commute aren’t easy to change.

Re: How much free time do you have?

#105

Post by an_ko » Sat, Jul 06, 2019, 8:06 AM UTC

thomaswang wrote: post #100

jobigoud wrote: post #96

In my probably unpopular opinion, parenting shouln'd be on the list. It's not a forced activity like sleeping or eating or commuting. It's a conscious choice people make between it and other hobbies.

Not a forced activity? Not a parent I suppose. It is as forced as work. You don't have to work just as you don't have to have a child.

Were you forced to have children?

Re: How much free time do you have?

#106

Post by kungtotte » Sat, Jul 06, 2019, 8:07 AM UTC

KirinDave wrote: post #48

qwerty2020 wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Author here - I would consider my lifestyle intentionally laid back, yes (to the capacity I'm able to at least) :) However, it's just a 4 day standard weight lifting routine (1 hr/day) but includes total time door to door (changing, commuting, lifting, commuting back). I enjoy this though, so aside from the mood/longevity benefits would do it anyways.

I have a 4 year old and I foster rescue dogs. I dimly remember a time in my life where what you're describing was possible, but these days I'm just happy if I can do an okay job at work and still find time to hit the machines in my house. It is definitely a difference in our attitudes towards this activity that you don't call that "free" time.

I get up at 4 AM for work (i.e no time to do anything in the morning apart from breakfast, brushing teeth and getting dressed) and most days I'm done at work by 3 PM, home by 3:30-4:00. My wife has already picked the three-year old up from day care. He's playing, watching TV, or helping me make dinner. I clean as I go when cooking so the kitchen ends up clean and the dishwasher reloaded/run during this time, then we sit down to eat as a family and we're done around 5PM.

Clean those things up and do a quick chore (vacuuming takes about 15 minutes, or load/run the washing machine, etc.) and then play pretty much uninterrupted with the kid for 1.5-2 hours while my wife does her thing or vice-versa. Some days we just lark as a family by going to the playground or whatever. 6:30-7:30 is bedtime routine for the little guy with bathing, brushing teeth, winding down and then lullaby. 7:30-10PM (my bedtime) is when we have quality time together, our own hobbies, etc.

We don't foster dogs, that's true, but we have other interests that take a fair bit of time each week. So while we do double up a bit on "parenting time" and "chores", you can see how there's absolutely enough time for each of us to spend 1 hour/day doing health and fitness related activities while the other one takes care of the kid. If you're a single parent this all goes out the window, obviously.

Re: How much free time do you have?

#107

Post by DanBC » Sat, Jul 06, 2019, 8:09 AM UTC

jobigoud wrote: post #96

In my probably unpopular opinion, parenting shouln'd be on the list. It's not a forced activity like sleeping or eating or commuting. It's a conscious choice people make between it and other hobbies.

> It's not a forced activity

Because rape never happens?

Re: How much free time do you have?

#108

Post by ubercow13 » Sat, Jul 06, 2019, 8:14 AM UTC

ianai wrote: post #40

plants wrote: post #5

Really depressing. Between work, long commute, gym, and part-time grad school, I have 18 free hours a week out of 168. Makes me wonder what the hell I am doing when I have other hobbies that I would love to be pursuing. Most of the time I simply don't have the mental energy to pursue much of anything in my 18 free hours. Sometimes I just need to turn my brain off. I find myself to lash out in weird ways when I am par…

I’m in the middle of a four day weekend. I’ll probably get absolutely nothing extraordinary done in it. Despite there being plenty of things I could be doing. The 40 hour work week is tyrannical.

I have 168 free hours a week at the moment and I am still somehow getting nothing extraordinary done :)

Re: How much free time do you have?

#109

Post by jclulow » Sat, Jul 06, 2019, 8:15 AM UTC

DanBC wrote: post #103

gewoonkris wrote: post #102

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I try to make it a point to do all the chores when the kids are awake. When they are asleep is time to relax; not do mundane tasks I don't feel it's my duty to entertain my kinds every waking hour, so if they have to settle with watching me fold the laundry or unload the dishwasher, so be it. This probably won't win me the father-of-the-year award, and it is parenting-style me and my girlfriend don't always agree abo…

How would you feel about this choice if one of your children died of cancer? Would you still think you'd made the right choice, or would you regret prioritising laundry over your children?

Literally nothing will prepare you for that. No amount of time is enough. Living your life in abject fear of that morbid possibility is crippling.

Re: How much free time do you have?

#110

Post by oarabbus_ » Sat, Jul 06, 2019, 8:15 AM UTC

allthecybers wrote: post #78

ianai wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m in the middle of a four day weekend. I’ll probably get absolutely nothing extraordinary done in it. Despite there being plenty of things I could be doing. The 40 hour work week is tyrannical.

> The 40 hour work week is tyrannical. If you are stating this seriously, I often wonder why there isn’t a great movement toward a reduction in working days/hours in the modern workplace. It’s kind of mind boggling to me why we have to trade most of our waking hours for the majority of the prime of our life to make a living wage. Modern society should be solving for this.

Well the discussions here are not exactly from a random sampling of individuals. Many people in HN are programmers, meaning that their productivity does not scale linearly with time. That is, you may get a considerable amount of work done in 4 hours, and the proceeding 4 hours may yield hardly any progress at all. Any knowledge worker can relate. But in a lot of industries, there is a lower bound of hours that need to be worked.

I used to work in the medical device industry, and hospitals, and also have some real estate company experience. I can assure you in my experience, a 40-hour workweek was by no means unreasonable in these industries. If you're working in Semiconductors or Finance or Law or most industries out there, you really do need to be physically present and working 6-8 hour days.