I .. thought I was an asshole. I am a saint... Good article!
Assholes: A Probing Examination
31–40 of 197 posts
Re: Assholes: A Probing Examination
#32i strongly believe in a diverse workforce, especially in large companies, diverse workforces often times mean better results especially since problems today are even more complicated. having said that, i totally understand and have seen some of the bad behaviors you mentioned like putting people down, insulting others, this can be quite toxic. i'm not saying i condone any of those types of behaviors because i certainly don't, but i think asshole labeling can be quite arbitrary, e.g. someone that's terse and seemingly abrasive may just be more direct/candid, is he/she an asshole? what i'm saying is that bad behaviors should not be condoned, but these individuals definitely have value to companies and can create beautiful work, and we shouldn't reject them based on certain labeling because the labeling is quite frankly discrimination and should equally not be tolerated. one person that particularly stands out in my mind is linus torvalds. asshole? for sure, by almost all counts of your definition of an asshole. given that he's improved lately and has admitted his issues, but he's still an asshole by my books :) would you want anyone else working on linux kernel which requires having a lot of different contributors working in large teams, probably not.
Re: Assholes: A Probing Examination
#33I really love the euphemisms/double entendres/word play. It definitely makes it more fun to read. One thing I realize as I read this is that, I’ve definitely engaged in certain ‘asshole behaviors’ at times. It’s been a long challenge to become more socially skilled and handle pressure/emotions better, but a lot of bad habits linger, I think. The worst habit of which is definitely complaining about coworkers to other…
>Another terrible habit that I had in the past was a tendency to respond while still fuming, which never ends well; usually it ends in both sides of an argument escalating while others grab the popcorn.
Right there with you and I'm the asshole who wrote this post. I know I have a tendency to want to strike back when I feel struck and I also have a tendency to go way overboard, in that "don't throw the first punch but throw the last" kind of way. Honestly I think everyone has asshole behaviors every now and then, a true asshole doesn't know or doesn't care when they act like a prick. The fact that this is something you're consciously aware of and working on I think means you're fine.
One book I might recommend though is 'Nonviolent Communication' by Marshall Rosenberg. It definitely feels a little hippy dippy at times and the skeptical asshole in me occasionally rolls my eyes at it, but I think it's really helped me understand some of my own communication tendencies and given me a lot of tools to help curb my own shit.
Re: Assholes: A Probing Examination
#34What's ironic is...the only people I can think of that I've worked with over the years who exhibit the signs called out in this piece were VP level or higher.
It makes sense, in a way. Sociopaths are willing to do things normies aren’t, therefore they have more options, therefore they have more paths to success.
Re: Assholes: A Probing Examination
#35When you learn something from a non-asshole you walk away thankful for the mentorship.
Sadly, it often doesn't work like that. Frequently, people just feel like "Damn, I'm good!" and give zero credit to the person who was good to them.
Re: Assholes: A Probing Examination
#36Hard to solve when asshole number one is the top person in the department.
vote with your feet ?
Re: Assholes: A Probing Examination
#37Unfortunately, we have plenty of examples of successful companies where toxic behavior is rampant. I agree that firing assholes improves a company's morale and environment, but sadly there is little evidence that it actually help a company's business.
I think it's often about people's needs and goals. Assholes maybe could help your company's success short-term, but would infect the culture long-term. And it seems to me that most people want quick success.
Re: Assholes: A Probing Examination
#38some times its much more delicate to track:
1. arrogance 2. cynicism
its not always the case that the above 2 make an a*e in most cases not but sometimes yes without having the extreme qualities described in article.
Re: Assholes: A Probing Examination
#39> Asshole behavior begets additional asshole behavior from others. Non-assholes are hardened into assholes over time to survive, and a spiral of incivility reigns. I've been infected by this before. Never again. (I prefer to slap up so I ended up getting shown the door.) Before we go through a hiring round with my team nowadays, I like us to review what I've seen approvingly referred to over on Metafilter as The Babo…
> I prefer to slap up so I ended up getting shown the door.
What does "slap up" mean?
Re: Assholes: A Probing Examination
#40Excellent article. I hope managers read it. The toughest problem I've had w.r.t. assholes was convincing managers that certain people were in fact assholes and they were not essential to the company's survival. Assholes are extremely good at kissing up and shitting down. And managers don't like to hear they've been manipulated.