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I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

nytimes.com

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Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#341

Post by tathougies »

jon-wood wrote: post #153
yomly wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>If you're intellectually driven then looking after two young children isn't fascinating. I've never understood this viewpoint - children are simply the most fascinating things! They're born with next to no inborn knowledge and yet have the potential to learn about quantum mechanics. Someone with the same potential would only have learned about fire some hundred thousands of years ago. In the early days you get to se…

On the scale of months and years children are amazing, and I agree it’s fascinating to watch as they develop into their own people. However, on the scale of hours and days they can be mind-numbingly boring, as anyone who’s played hide and seek with a four year old who repeatedly goes and hides in their bedroom cupboard can probably attest. I love my boy dearly, but I am so, so, bored of playing the first hour of Mine…

I cannot remember my parents ever playing hide and seek with me. I don't think adults need to feel that they need to play with children for hours on end. That's incredibly dull. Find your kid a playmate.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#342

Post by tathougies »

lukego wrote: post #113
jedberg wrote: post #50

> I also remind myself that if I were a dad, I would be getting accolades for all the times I scheduled a doctor’s appointment or arranged a play date. 1000 times this. If I take the kids to the store, or through airport security, or pretty much anywhere, women are practically running over to "help" me. Thank you but I got it. Go help that poor mom over there with three meltdowns to deal with, she needs it a lot more…

This is very cultural too. Some places it's expected that dads take care of kids equally with mums. I heard a great anecdote about a Manhattanite visiting Stockholm on vacation. Lots of men pushing prams all around town. "My goodness, look at all the young male nannies in Sweden!"

I mean I live in the United States, and I've never gotten any weird stares for being with my baby girl alone, without my wife.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#344

Post by tathougies »

dragonwriter wrote: post #80
Dayshine wrote: post #20

If you don't want to prioritise your kids over your job... don't have kids . Contraception is pretty damn effective, and people often have children for entirely selfish reasons. A dog isn't for christmas, and your kids aren't just cute toys until you get bored of raising them. There are plenty of people who are willing, enough that we won't have population problems.

> If you don't want to prioritise your kids over your job... don't have kids. Having kids while prioritizing job over direct care and attention to them has been an accepted (and often expected) pattern for men for centuries. (And for much of that time for upper and often middle class [0] women, too, though their primary vocations weren't “jobs” in the usual sense.) Should it be surprising or any worse that when women…

> Having kids while prioritizing job over direct care and attention to them has been an accepted (and often expected) pattern for men for centuries. (And for much of that time for upper and often middle class [0] women, too, though their primary vocations weren't “jobs” in the usual sense.)

False. Most men throughout history had to work or their children would starve. Their requirement to work was forced legally by laws allowing wives to sue husbands that did not work and support their family.

For most of history before the industrial revolution, the standard model would have been a farm, where both mom and dad worked, but worked at home. The ideal has always been for moms and dads to stay home, until relatively recently -- certainly not centuries.

Lastly, if we even accept your claim to be true at all, it really would only be limited in scope to the very rich or at least the upper middle class, where men actually had careers 'worth' sacrificing for. Perhaps an attorney sees his work as meaningful and a source of advancement. I highly doubt a coal miner wanted to be in the mines longer because of career advancement. In fact, history is actually littered with the opposite -- working men demanding that they work less (see the labor movement).

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#345

Post by ativzzz »

jjeaff wrote: post #319
yomly wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>If you're intellectually driven then looking after two young children isn't fascinating. I've never understood this viewpoint - children are simply the most fascinating things! They're born with next to no inborn knowledge and yet have the potential to learn about quantum mechanics. Someone with the same potential would only have learned about fire some hundred thousands of years ago. In the early days you get to se…

After spending some time working with machine learning and AI, the early development of the human brain is just fascinating to me. With our best algorithms, you have to feed thousands and thousands of images for ML to be able to identify things like a certain type of animal. And yet, my 14 month old can see a cartoon drawing of a penguin in her books a few times and then days later, recognize an actual photo of a pen…

You also have to remember that our brains have millions of years of evolution to learn from, so we have had far more than thousands and thousands of images and other perceptions recognized by the DNA of our ancestors, which gets passed down to us.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#346

Post by lm28469 »

permatech wrote: post #308
lm28469 wrote: post #271

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's quite funny because in this 2 comments lies every reasons why JP is successful. From 0 to 100 baseless personal attack, we're not even discussing facts we're discussing how you feel about people. > pseudo intellectual I'm afraid the burden of proof is on you for this one. > regressive He's pretty nuanced in fact, but you have to listen to him other than in the 30 seconds, out of context, videos being regurgitate…

Maybe I don’t take enough of Joe R’s pills to better understand how I, as a white man, am oppressed my today’s society. I’m entitled to my reading of his media appearances just as you’re entitled to your regressive worldview

I think you went to far down the rabbit hole, why are you so offended?

If all it takes for you to judge someone and hold such virulent opinions is "media appearances" you should probably reassess your position on who's regressive. These kind of comments have nothing to do here, feel free to rant on tweeter and reddit.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#347

Post by permatech »

lm28469 wrote: post #346
permatech wrote: post #308

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe I don’t take enough of Joe R’s pills to better understand how I, as a white man, am oppressed my today’s society. I’m entitled to my reading of his media appearances just as you’re entitled to your regressive worldview

I think you went to far down the rabbit hole, why are you so offended? If all it takes for you to judge someone and hold such virulent opinions is "media appearances" you should probably reassess your position on who's regressive. These kind of comments have nothing to do here, feel free to rant on tweeter and reddit.

The original post was about a anti-feminist - I didn’t bring him up, just gave you my opinion of him and JR (who I also didn’t bring up first).

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#348

Post by ionised »

mynameishere wrote: post #163

I wish my mother had spent less time hanging around. Why do people think their presence benefits their children? Think again.

Me too, but I'm guessing we just had bad, maladjusted mothers.

All mine did was fill me with anxieties and neuroses.

We probably would have felt differently with a good mother.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#349

Post by AstralStorm »

lonelappde wrote: post #238
noisy_boy wrote: post #215

Kids are not kids forever. People feel like they have infinite time when they are young/in their prime. They don't and it is too late by the time the realization dawns in. By then, they have grown and moved out and that work which feels so intellectually stimulating/meaningful now does not necessarily feel the same way then. I love programming and that is why I got into my choice of career. However, that program I sp…

This is the fallacy of regret. No matter what you do, you can regret what you didn't do

Worse, you might also regret what you did. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids

#350

Post by AstralStorm »

wishinghand wrote: post #73
rayiner wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The “selfish” remark rings pretty hollow when you’re talking about someone that is literally spending her time freeing wrongfully convicted people. What Ms. Bazelon is doing is the opposite of selfish. She’s providing for her family, serving her profession, and serving her community. She’s teaching her kids good morals by example: hard work and service. What kind of terrible lesson would it be to her children if she…

> What kind of terrible lesson would it be to her children if she taught them that their school camping trip was more important than those things? That you can rationalize anything to fit your choices.

The more important part will the kids both understand it rationally and handle it emotionally.

Nobody can really know that without being an oracle. Neither choice is clearly superior but one is considered natural and the other is not.

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