So many I's.
I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids
41–50 of 358 posts
Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids
#42If you don't want to prioritise your kids over your job... don't have kids . Contraception is pretty damn effective, and people often have children for entirely selfish reasons. A dog isn't for christmas, and your kids aren't just cute toys until you get bored of raising them. There are plenty of people who are willing, enough that we won't have population problems.
> There are plenty of people who are willing.
Willing to what?
Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids
#43If you have children and then choose to work over doing the legitimately full time job of being a parent (full time being at least 40 hours a week, not that you can't do anything else ever) you need to provide them at least a parent to do that job or else you are neglecting them. Psychology is pretty uniform in the observation that children need parents, preferably both, but just one is a massive developmental influe…
> you need to provide them at least a parent to do that job or else you are neglecting them.
When am I neglecting my kids exactly? In the two hours of after school care between school ending and my coming home?
You're implying that there's a direct correlation between quantity and quality of parenting, that's a bold claim.
Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids
#44I love this article. Parents today spend more than twice as much time today with their kids today than fifty years ago: https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/2017/11/27/parents-... . Fat lot of good that did the last couple of generations. Parents spend too much time apologizing for prioritizing their careers, and it’s particularly unfair to women. Studies repeatedly fail to show significant and durable results fr…
>Parents today spend more than twice as much time today with their kids today than fifty years ago
That's a good point but there's some detail missing here: how are the kids being raised. Historically, kids were raised within a tribal or quasi-tribal structure. When you have grandparents, siblings, cousins, uncles and aunts always around, room to play and explore, you don't need parents to be there 24/7 hovering over you. You learn independence as well as a way to interact and negotiate with others.
What this looks like is the worst of all words. The kids are abandoned to a set of nannies and managed activities, while the mother and father live their own lives.
Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids
#45I don't want to be too harsh, but I can't respect her decision. It's selfish, and not properly caring for the next generation is a dead giveaway of a sick society.
Unlike your father? You say in another comment the you "wouldn't ever disparage him" for work-related absences.
Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids
#46If you don't want to prioritise your kids over your job... don't have kids . Contraception is pretty damn effective, and people often have children for entirely selfish reasons. A dog isn't for christmas, and your kids aren't just cute toys until you get bored of raising them. There are plenty of people who are willing, enough that we won't have population problems.
That’s terrible advice. Kids are great (they’re also not, at societal scale, really optional). According to a Pew study, about 7% of people who had kids would, if they did it over again, have had no kids. By contrast, more than half of those who didn’t have kids would’ve chosen to not have kids again: https://news.gallup.com/poll/164618/desire-children-norm.asp... . Indeed, out of people who didn’t have kids, a great…
A thing is "inflated expectations for parenting", another thing is the person who wrote the article which has three different jobs (she could easily drop two and still manage to bring home more than enough money, but she doesn't want to for selfish reasons... Which are totally ok if you are not a divorced parent of two very young kids) and, as she herself said, prioritize all of them over her children because she prefers that way.
Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids
#47Gosh. This is me. I sacrificed almost ten years of my career to be there for my sons as a divorced dad. Work travel, sales, meetings - much of it missed so the boys could have me as much as possible. Doctors, judges, lawyers, mom's were hostile & cold throughout it all. It was the single biggest contributing factor to the failure of my business this year. And... It was worth it. The boys are turning out to be fantastic young adults, our relationship is strong, and they both fought hard to get even more time with me. Hard road, great destination. The courts are total shit btw.
Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids
#48Disheartening. I grew up with absentee parents. This is an unwelcome spin on that situation. I can't even give an opinion on this that doesn't immediately fly into rage. I just hope I don't try to pair off with someone who ends up getting hoodwinked by articles like this. This is disgusting.
Same. Shaped my parenting priorities and philosophy. Based on the state of my kids ... For the better.
Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids
#49I respect her choice but I wouldn’t want to be her kid
I would want to be her kid, because I was homeschooled and hated it, and she would have certainly been too busy to homeschool her kids, or be any other sort of helicopter parent.
Re: I’ve Picked My Job over My Kids
#50> I also remind myself that if I were a dad, I would be getting accolades for all the times I scheduled a doctor’s appointment or arranged a play date.
1000 times this. If I take the kids to the store, or through airport security, or pretty much anywhere, women are practically running over to "help" me. Thank you but I got it. Go help that poor mom over there with three meltdowns to deal with, she needs it a lot more than me.
The other day we had a birthday party for my daughter, and some of the moms saw me prepping food and doing work while I gave my wife a chance to relax and talk to the guests. They actually told her they were surprised that I would "allow" her to take a break like that. Seriously?! First of all, she is "allowed" to do whatever they hell she wants, and secondly, how messed up is it that their immediate expectation is that mom should be working the whole time while dad gets to relax?
But my favorite story of all was I was in the bathroom at Newark airport, changing my daughter's diaper. A man walks in wear the most "New Jersey" outfit ever -- expensive suit, slicked hair, gold chains, etc. He said, "Where's the mom?"
"Outside."
"Why isn't she changing the diaper then?"
I said, "She didn't want to?"
He didn't even know what to say after that, his mind was so blown.