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The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

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Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#951

Post by slothtrop »

lazyjones wrote: post #599
raz32dust wrote: post #546

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Makes me wonder - is the abundance of choice that makes us lonely? True, deep relationships take time. Your social circle is larger, but you haven't gotten the chance to develop any deep bond because neither you nor they have enough time for each other - because there's so much else to do.

> Makes me wonder - is the abundance of choice that makes us lonely? While this would explain loneliness in cities, I doubt it. I believe it's unrealistic expectations from TV, social media, newspapers, both positive and negative, about relationships and people in general. Just like pornographic movies affect one's love life, seeing unrealistic depictions of social life destroy natural curiosity about other people, l…

What you describe sounds more like FOMO. I don't think that's the same. One can be perfectly detached from social media and television and still experience loneliness. It's more a reflection of unmet biological needs. We're physically detached from one another, on the social spectrum.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#952

Post by slothtrop »

wolco wrote: post #877
WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

As crazy as this sounds smoking weed can help if you are feeling lonely. It will help you disconnect from outside stimulus but too much and you'll find social interactions not as desirable as they are now.

It also makes you content with boredom. I'm not sure that's a proper solution, as in the long-term breeds a dependency.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#953

Post by nonwifehaver3 »

tropo wrote: post #668
natrik wrote: post #509

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If she is 20 years younger, then he will have to date her until she is 18 or so, but that's okay, too. Mother nature and the lawyers agree: A women of 18 is old enough to get married, have kids, and do well at both. WTF is this comment. Please do not take this advice.

Plato and many American states agree: A women of 16 is old enough to get married, have kids Plato would even add the "and do well at both". That is advice from a famous philosopher. He thought 16 was ideal for women, and 30 was ideal for men. I have no idea if he might have had a personal bias in that matter.

The American states' laws from 100+ years ago are completely at odds with current culture. So unless you are in a radically traditional and very insular religious subculture, marrying before 21 is probably going to be a disaster.

This whole "women of 16 are fit to reproduce" thing is not constant in time. Not only is there the cultural factor, the physical age of puberty varies radically across environments and ethnicities. For example, home environment (presence of biological father) affects age of menarche in women. And in 18th century England many girls didn't start puberty until they were over 20 years old. And west of the Hajnal line, England included, has had consistently higher marriage and childbearing ages for centuries. Menarche age has been plummeting in developed countries for 60+ years, but since it's partly from pollutants it probably isn't correct to assume that means they should have children earlier.

It indeed feels unsavory to talk about human beings like this, but the point is that it isn't correct to generalize about what is "ideal".

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#954

Post by dv_dt »

kilowatt wrote: post #71
nugget wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At the risk of wading into deeply controversal territory, I'll add some personal observations. One of the harsh realities I have seen is that it's very difficult for women to "have it all" meaning a fulfilling personal, family, and professional life, especially in the most competitive fields. Yet for many years this idea has persisted in a mythical sense as broadly achievable. I am now in my late 30s. I've watched my…

> It makes me sad because while they have awesome professional accomplishments, they would have been awesome mothers and parents as well. I just wanted to point out politely how strange this language reads to me. It's ultimately the decision of each person whether to have kids or not. This being "sad" for them is an overreach, morally, IMO--and part of the fight feminism led was to carve out a space for women in soci…

I think the idea of sadness is that choice were not made with relatively few externally imposed restrictions from a place of independence. Rather the decisions were taken from a set of choices made in a context of a society that imposes restrictions than necessary based on somewhat arbitrary traditions, or genderism, or biased, or at least questionable economic restrictions.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#955

Post by ionised »

Bakary wrote: post #53
icxa wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> the liberation of women from the home and from conservative sexual values. Everyone is unhappy, married people on average are happier than unmarried, religious people are on average happier than unreligious people. The sexual and feminist revolution got some 'splainin to do. Of course, my view, the answer isn't "liberating women from the bonds of motherhood and family" but empowering women and supporting them in ar…

Seems a bit circular to me. If the most important thing a human can do is bring life, then that life also has as its most important mission to bring some more life into the mix and so on. You end up with an endless chain of causation and no real answer as to what makes the entire thing worthwhile.

> You end up with an endless chain of causation and no real answer as to what makes the entire thing worthwhile.

There are many reasons I don't want children, but this one in particular has stood out in my mind most of my adult life as the perfect reason not to.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#956

Post by dv_dt »

malvosenior wrote: post #185
dv_dt wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It seems a stretch to blame feminism when economics has thinned most workers wages to the point that multi income households are a requirement to eke out a life.

Doubling the workforce would surely put downward pressure on wages due to supply and demand.

While there was feminism involved there, I think one should question how independent the political movement was from economic pulls at the same time. You can't for example, take large amounts of single women into factories as workers in the industrial age, without some form of practical feminist changes in how women were treated.

You see similar modern pulls today in nations like China and India. It's really difficult to separate which came first - the economic pull or feminism. I lean to the economics of factory owners wanting low cost labor being a leading phenomenon of the cycle, and that induces the question of the rights of women who now have income, and practical freedoms going to work and working, and that independence inducing a desire for wider rights.

Once industry gets access to that labor though, they'll pay the minimum amount possible, and that practical acceptable minimum lowers if there are multiple people in the household making income.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#957

Post by rco8786 »

_khau wrote: post #910
rco8786 wrote: post #482

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Whatever it is today, I fear the future will be much worse. This is an easy trap for humans to fall into. "The sky is falling" type stuff. Humans have faced lots of problems over the millenia, but the reality is that our lives continue to improve as a whole..not get worse.

> but the reality is that our lives continue to improve as a whole..not get worse. This is true for some, not others.

"as a whole"

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#958

Post by sridca »

tty2300 wrote: post #666
dashundchen wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you know how to ride a bike? It's summer and I am sure there are a ton of casual (i.e. non-racing/fitness groups) bike groups that ride around regularly. Unlike sports or gyms there's a lot more hanging around and chatting, plus you can end up with new destinations. Meanwhile the exercise gives you endorphins. In my similar sized city there's enough cyclists that there are many different "scenes" depending on what…

This is some good advice. Riding a bike gives you a much better sense of community because you see the people and recognise they are the same people you see all the time rather than just another generic car you will never recognise again.

A fiendishly clever brand of meta-level genius propels The Cabin in the Woods, a pulpy, deceivingly insightful send-up of horror movies that elicits just as many knowing chuckles as horrified gasps. [It] comes not only to praise the slasher-, zombie- and gore-fests of yore but to critique them, elaborating on their grammatical elements and archetypal figures even while searching for ways to put them to novel use. The danger in such a loftily ironic approach is that everything in the film appears with ready-made quotation marks around it... But by then, the audience will have picked up on the infectiously goofy vibe of an enterprise that, from its first sprightly moments, clearly has no intention of taking itself too seriously."

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#959

Post by theonlyklas »

WhompingWindows wrote: post #131
theonlyklas wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Going home feels so meh... I can go work through more Sherlock Holmes videos or Netflix series or work on music or art, but there is no one to share with, no one to talk to throughout the day, no one to engage with on my passions. I just kinda laze about without more contact. Invite someone over! >If anyone in Providence, RI wants to hang, let me know! I actually live in Cranston, lol. You like biking? Cryptocurrenc…

Hecks yeah! I bike around East Bay Path, Blackstone River Path, I also love to ride around the Boulevard on the East Side. What kind of music are you into? I play piano, a buddy of mine is into guitar and Linnstrument. We may be having a board game night tonight actually, been looking forward to it, LMK if you want to stop by.

I actually have no clue how to private message people on ycombinator. It seem to be impossible. Send me an email to jason.j.klas@gmail.com

I am biking the MS150 this weekend, so I may be late to reply. Wish me luck! :)

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#960

Post by ekanes »

WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

Consider adding a /social/ hobby. The ones I've found have very friendly people are improv and jiu jitsu.
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