Live data from Hacker News

The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

city-journal.org

701–710 of 1001 posts

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#701
post #677

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

I had a bout of this about 20 years ago, so I made a rule for myself: I wasn't allowed to decline an invitation. If somebody proposed doing something together and I was able, I had to do it. That made a huge difference in my life. I did a lot of things that were... unexpected. (A few examples: I joined an ultimate frisbee league. I went skydiving. I joined a church group. I went to a strip club. I attended a wedding.…

Do you still follow this "never no" rule, or did you come to a point or change in your life to ease up or ease off?

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#702

The term “third world” does not mean something like “third rate.” The first world is the Western bloc, under the influence of the USA. The second world is the Eastern bloc, under the influence of the USSR. The third world is everyone else. I think we should stop using these terms.

And they are called crackers, not hackers!!! /s

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#703

I relocated out of the bay area in 2016-2017 and it was the happiest year of my adult life. I think Silicon Valley has a zero sum culture and having returned here for personal reasons but otherwise against my best judgment, I cannot wait to GTFO for keeps. I am really really good (perhaps top 10 or so worldwide) at one thing, and pretty good at a couple other things. If I didn't have that, I think I would feel utterl…

Wow. The.0000000000000000001% telling us life is worthless if you're not the rarest of rares.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#704

The term “third world” does not mean something like “third rate.” The first world is the Western bloc, under the influence of the USA. The second world is the Eastern bloc, under the influence of the USSR. The third world is everyone else. I think we should stop using these terms.

We detached this subthread from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=20118799 and marked it off-topic.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#705
post #333

Move to another city. Leave your small-town life. Chase your dream. Live alone. Pay more per capita to landlords. Pay more per capita for basic services, for staple foods. Pay businesses to do the household chores that you can't handle alone when you're also working a full-time job, and don't have a family to spread them out among. Buy more stuff to fill that emotional hole. Consume. Live in an apartment. Never see y…

> Pay more per capita to landlords. If you run the numbers, no one should want to be a landlord. Atrocious ROI. Homes are horrific investments if you live in them and still terrible even if you rent them out. I would encourage anyone who thinks otherwise to model this out for any major city/region to convince themselves. Renting is a great deal. You pay less, get better ROI on what would have been the downpayment by…

If you live as a renter in California, you are almost certainly not getting "a great deal", and the regulations that benefit you are probably only in the form of being protected from meaningless eviction and substandard living conditions. If you're an owner of property in California, OTOH, you're likely taking advantage of a tax rate that was calculated on your property's value 39 years ago.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#706
post #646

Earlier quoted context omitted.

just because you think a term should be used one way or another doesn't mean your opinion is at all valuable. it's more useful to go with the wave of society rather than trying to imbue change on an obscure web forum.

His opinion is valuable, just as much as yours. Don't be an ass. And he happens to be correct, so it's probably more valuable.

Could you please follow the site guidelines when posting here?

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#707

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just move to you home country and enjoy all you like about it! It is that easy! You have to live there to compare, as grass is always greener on the other side, especially when you are on a vacation. You are the master of your life! Make a block party to make neighbor friends, go to a park on a weekend, take a bus (yes, you can't start a conversation at a bus station if you only drive), travel to different US cities.

>especially when you are on a vacation. This. I used to live in Seattle after vacationing there a handful of times, but after living there I found it to be one of the most least welcoming, racist, Progressively Elitist™ places I've ever lived (and I've lived all over the US). It's easy to say "I will commit to making more meaningful connections with people/strangers today", but if this is not received or reciprocated…

I have never known Seattle to be this way. I am sorry you had this experience, but I have found Seattle to be a supremely welcoming and friendly place.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#708
I have a fiance and a healthy family but even then I notice I didn't have quite as many friends outside my online social chats.

My fiance became friends with a couple that i became friends with, and the husband on the other side introduced me to Disc Golf. I loved the sport, but something I found there was a community, a pretty tight one.

Disc Golf communities are local, and they build clubs around their local courses. People go out regularly to play, weekly rounds that are rated to have a friendly leaderboard, $5 to be included in the leaderboard and to add to the Ace pot. If someone gets an ace thats part of it, wins the pot. People cheer and are excited for other's great shots, aces, and so on. Its the person against the course, and everyone is supporting each other through it.

At the same time, I found new friends. I now go outside regularly into parks, hiking areas, and golf courses to play with them and meet new people.

Disc golf might not be your jam, but the little story is to say that sports, clubs, hobbies can be a huge way to reduce loneliness.

Especially the more casual sports. Bowling, Disc Golf, tennis, ball golf, etc.

You can join a local sewing club if you are into that. Book club. Barnes & Noble now hosts some run by local employees and people in the community.

Look into your hobbies, and see if you can find like minded individuals to make friends over it.

If you are a coder and thats your passion and you want to be more social, go to meetups, dev events, etc. At least here in SF there is many daily, some are reoccuring with a usual crowd.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#709
post #575

The term “third world” does not mean something like “third rate.” The first world is the Western bloc, under the influence of the USA. The second world is the Eastern bloc, under the influence of the USSR. The third world is everyone else. I think we should stop using these terms.

I agree those terms are antiquated, and I suggest "developed" and "developing" instead.

Should not stagnant/stagnating also be added to that list? And also a negative term (staganation is neutral)? Not every undeveloped country is developing.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#710

As someone who is single and "kinless," reading this hit pretty hard. I have had a total of probably less than 12 hours of IRL human contact over the past year. I work 100% remotely, so I suppose this isn't surprising. Dating was incredibly frustrating, so I stopped. Moved to a new city, no friends, etc. Lately I find myself dreaming of the incredibly mundane -- like sitting and having a conversation with a friend, h…

Have you thought about seeing a therapist? In any case, hang in there and I wish you good luck.
Post reply on HN