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The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

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Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#591

Post by HBKXNCUO »

esoterica wrote: post #542
HBKXNCUO wrote: post #502

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not as far as fertility is concerned. 25 means only a couple of years left at peak fertility.

We’re not farm animals, peak fertility doesn’t matter.

It does if you're a woman who wants to have children. There are of course expensive ways to increase fertility after it has started to decline, but they're far from a guarantee.

The point, though, is that if a woman is still just looking for a husband at 25, when she is already nearing the end of her peak fertile years, she will likely be at the end of her peak fertile years when she gets married, so it's all downhill from the get-go.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#592

Post by kaybe »

Chirael wrote: post #166
WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

I’m in Providence but have no idea how to send a DM on HN; if you can see the email on my profile feel free to send something

You need to put contact information into the 'about' text field of your user account if you want to be contacted, the account email address is hidden.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#593

Post by grawprog »

hi5eyes wrote: post #553
blfr wrote: post #549

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You, too, can strike up a conversation with a total stranger at a bus station and it doesn't have to feel weird. It is, however, likely to be short because people are so unused to it in the atomized west that, if you don't carry the whole conversation, they simply won't know what to say.

its definitely fucking weird to randomly strike up a convo with a random at a bus station, fuck are you on?

I don't know, i've probably had more random conversations with strangers either on busses or waiting at bus stops than anywhere else. Especially when the bus is exceedingly late or there's something out of the ordinary happening. People that normally totally ignore eachother will suddenly start talking like they've known eachother for years. There's also been a couple people i've met transit I end up talking to a lot. There's one person, we don't know eachother's names but we know most of the details of eachother's lives.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#594

Post by [deleted] »

filoleg wrote: post #576
hi5eyes wrote: post #553

Earlier quoted context omitted.

its definitely fucking weird to randomly strike up a convo with a random at a bus station, fuck are you on?

At a bus stop, yeah, it is kinda strange, cause people are usually there because they have to be, not because they want to. At a hackerspace, at a bar, at a book club, music concert, etc. it isn’t weird all. Some of the best friends I’ve made over the past couple of years (and i mean real friends, the ones you hang out with multiple times a week, go on trips, etc), it almost always was through some kind of spontaneou…

[deleted]

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#595

Post by beat »

gcheong wrote: post #570
beat wrote: post #462

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Pretty severe autism. The main reason we never just kicked him out is because he really can't function on his own. He'd suck at being homeless. That was hard for me to get used to, as I've been on my own since I was 18. And his sister moved out as soon as it was practical for her, although she lives just minutes away and we see her at least weekly. And if there's one piece of parenting advice I can offer, it's this..…

Is there any potential for a group home situation for him that he could eventually transition to?

Is it necessary? I don't mind him living at home; I just worry about what will happen to him when his parents are gone, especially if for some reason we die relatively young.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#596

Post by Bakary »

DowsingSpoon wrote: post #541

The term “third world” does not mean something like “third rate.” The first world is the Western bloc, under the influence of the USA. The second world is the Eastern bloc, under the influence of the USSR. The third world is everyone else. I think we should stop using these terms.

As someone who grew up in a third world country, I actually think it's a very apt descriptor of certain patterns and problems that continually occur across seemingly unrelated cultures.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#597

Post by switchbak »

hi5eyes wrote: post #553
blfr wrote: post #549

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You, too, can strike up a conversation with a total stranger at a bus station and it doesn't have to feel weird. It is, however, likely to be short because people are so unused to it in the atomized west that, if you don't carry the whole conversation, they simply won't know what to say.

its definitely fucking weird to randomly strike up a convo with a random at a bus station, fuck are you on?

Well that's because that's what you're used to. It wasn't always like that. And it isn't like that everywhere now, either.

Also: you come off rather poorly when you end a sentence like that.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#598

Post by Swizec »

everyone wrote: post #568
Swizec wrote: post #545

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One workaholic to another: There’s plenty of people in the US, even in places like San Francisco, who have balanced lives and don’t spend their whole time working. Put in their 8 or 10 hours per day at a startup then go off and do fun hobbies like standup comedy, singing in church choirs, or just binging Netflix. Hell, my girlfriend has zero sidehustle and she does just great for herself. Working all day erryday is a…

8 hours is a full days work. Most people only have a couple of hours to themselves after working 8 hours + commuting, buying/preparing/eating food, ablutions, taking care of various chores etc. Is 10 the norm where you are? That is very saddening. Where are you btw? During/after the industrial revolution many workers fought hard and died just to get the the working day down to 8 hours (and not 12 or more which is wha…

It's pretty common for people in SFBA to work 10 hours per day. Something about signaling that you're eager and a team player and want to advance etc. 8 or 10 hours doesn't particularly matter. My point is that even in some of the most competitive markets in the world, people do just fine with doing a full day's worth of work, then going home and having a life.

OP seems to be under the impression that this is somehow not possible.

The trend among engineers of doing a full day's worth of work then going home and working even more on side projects, open source, or whatever is a whole 'nother bag of worms. I'm not sure why we do that. You wouldn't expect a marketer to go home and do some marketing in their spare time. Or a business person to make some slide decks for fun.

Us engineers are weird.

edit: Why is this getting downvoted? Is it really that unimaginable on HackerNews that one could work full-time and still have time for hobbies, friends, and family?

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#599

Post by lazyjones »

raz32dust wrote: post #546
WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

Makes me wonder - is the abundance of choice that makes us lonely? True, deep relationships take time. Your social circle is larger, but you haven't gotten the chance to develop any deep bond because neither you nor they have enough time for each other - because there's so much else to do.

>Makes me wonder - is the abundance of choice that makes us lonely?

While this would explain loneliness in cities, I doubt it. I believe it's unrealistic expectations from TV, social media, newspapers, both positive and negative, about relationships and people in general. Just like pornographic movies affect one's love life, seeing unrealistic depictions of social life destroy natural curiosity about other people, lead to doubts and suspicions etc. ... The availability of the option to avoid other people does its part.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#600

Post by rb808 »

sakopov wrote: post #514

Man, the older I get the more I realize that life is always a balancing act. I immigrated from a 3rd world country (probably a 2nd world now) 20 years ago with my parents. Both of my parents were engineers and both were paid about once a year by their employer because nobody had any money. So we were broke and poor my entire childhood. And yet we always had friends visiting us. There were always celebrations. Seemed…

> toil away working on my own projects and ideas

Maybe you should give up that part and have fun instead.

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