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The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

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Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#511

Post by beat »

baxtr wrote: post #461
ronnier wrote: post #416

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your daughter will be ok. She can go anywhere and immediately find social groups and have no issues finding dates — if she gets online she can literally have hundreds or thousands of men ready to take her out. It’s completely opposite for most men — isolated and hard to find social circles.

I am not sure if that’s true. Both my female cousins fit the description above, except they’re in their late 30s by now and still aren’t able to find partners for life. Sometimes I think maybe that’s the way it’s always been and that’s why there were forced marriages, which you might not have liked but in the end they made you happy through the family you’d usually had around you as you grow older. Don’t know

I've had some Indian co-workers in arranged marriages who think it's great, and are totally baffled by people who only marry for love.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#512

Post by rubicon33 »

rco8786 wrote: post #482
nugget wrote: post #15

Whatever it is today, I fear the future will be much worse. The most devastating existential consequences of loneliness can take decades to manifest. You feel a little lonely in your day to day life now, but wake up twenty years from now and realize you're socially isolated with no meaningful relationships or community and it's "too late" to make up the lost time. Most dangerous of all may be that online social netwo…

> Whatever it is today, I fear the future will be much worse. This is an easy trap for humans to fall into. "The sky is falling" type stuff. Humans have faced lots of problems over the millenia, but the reality is that our lives continue to improve as a whole..not get worse.

Wouldn't it be ironic if the reason they continue to improve, is because of our fear that it won't?

A little fear, and skepticism of the future, is a good thing.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#513

Post by moorhosj »

Toine wrote: post #369
moorhosj wrote: post #269

I find the HN comments on an article like this fascinating. So many people that admit to not having kids who think they are experts on what it means or is like to have kids.

Prepare for a generation of desperate people when they figure out that they actually wanted to have kids but it's too late.

Are you suggesting their "fur babies" won't take care of them when they are old and sick?

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#514

Post by sakopov »

Man, the older I get the more I realize that life is always a balancing act. I immigrated from a 3rd world country (probably a 2nd world now) 20 years ago with my parents. Both of my parents were engineers and both were paid about once a year by their employer because nobody had any money. So we were broke and poor my entire childhood. And yet we always had friends visiting us. There were always celebrations. Seemed like we managed to get by and stay happy despite the circumstances. Rewind a couple decades later and I barely see my parents living. Both come home exhausted from work. I spent most days stuck in the office and then toil away working on my own projects and ideas. And that's it. We have everything we ever wanted and absolutely no happiness. I recently came back from a trip to my home country and I see neighbors talking to each other and inviting each other for dinners and celebrations. People are eager to help each other out. You can strike up a conversation with a total stranger at a bus station and it doesn't feel weird and awkward. I was looking at all of this and thinking if i'd give up everything i have now to simply enjoy humanity for a change. You can't have everything in this world.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#515

Post by cwarrior »

clarry wrote: post #217
bitexploder wrote: post #190

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I recommend social hobbies. Mine are BJJ and Magic the Gathering. BJJ is great because it can be highly technical but you will meet people way outside of nerd circles. My kids do it and love it as well. It is a hard thing, too, so it keeps the ego in check. You have no choice but to be extremely, intimately close with other humans. The friends I am making are great. There are plenty of other hobbies, but start there.…

Don't we all know what BJJ is.

Bareback blowjob?

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#516

Post by tw1010 »

Guys, just start reading fiction. It's like having a conversation with someone super smart and super relatable. You'll get hooked once you find something that fits your subconscious, but don't settle until you do. (I've been really digging Richard Yates and Thomas Mann lately, so maybe start there if you need inspiration. Murakami is also a famously great read if you need a companion.)

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#517

Post by rossdavidh »

Hypothesis: Up until recently, you only needed a so-so amount of interest in settling down and having children, in order to pass on your genes. Some people did, but others didn't, and while this was not entirely genes it wasn't entirely NOT genes either. But, since everyone got more or less pushed into marrying and starting a family anyway, by strong social pressures, there was no strong evolutionary advantage to a strong desire for family.

For about one generation now, the people who WANT kids, and are willing to be half of a committed couple in order to have more of them, are the ones having more kids. Others, either don't have any children, or only have one.

In a couple generations, they will look back at this time and wonder why people back then were so (relatively) uninterested in family.

Just a hypothesis. Could happen relatively quickly, though. Which would mean, in only a few generations.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#518

Post by Damorian »

graycat wrote: post #425
beat wrote: post #378

My own concerns are different. I'm in my 50s now, happily married for over 25 years, with a terrific social life. I'm not at all lonely or isolated. It's my children that I worry about. They're boy/girl twins, now 25. My daughter is in the process of breaking up with the boyfriend she's lived with for the past two years, and moving back home to re-settle her life. She has a career, and wants to get married and start…

You know a LOT about life and family formation. Sooooo, teach your kids. You've identified some of their worst problems and no doubt have solutions that would work for you, so teach them what you know. For your daughter, lots of men DO want good love, home, and family -- she just needs to find one, likely 10-15 years older than she is (for the reason for the age difference, that needs some discussion I omit here). Wh…

The Art of Loving was positively one of the worst books I have ever read. He was an unmarried, childless Atheist that wrote a book about love. As a religious, married man with children, his ideas on loving God, a spouse, and your children are almost completely wrong. It was like reading Ayn Rand, "true statement, true statement, true statement, completely illogical and nonsensical conclusion, unsupported by prior statements".

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#519

Post by cwarrior »

WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

Why don't you make an effort to meet new people and expand your social circle?

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#520

Post by [deleted] »

ratsimihah wrote: post #50
realPubkey wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had the same situation. A non sustainable life. With her all changed. I go to the gym so she does not have a skinny boyfriend. When I find something good at netflix I wait until she is home and we can watch it together. When I find a nice place, I remmember it so I can show her the nice bench under that tree in my hometown. I always have flashback about the time I moved to another city without family bondings. Then…

That sounds great! Just be careful not too become too dependent on someone else.

[deleted]
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