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The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

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Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#481

Post by Joukahainen »

Robotbeat wrote: post #276
jniedrauer wrote: post #189

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Bringing a child into the world to increase my own personal happiness, when nothing else I could do has such a direct and massive climate impact, is not something I can justify personally. Not to mention, my child would have to live to see the impacts of climate change. There is coming a point (it has already passed, in my opinion), where we can no longer justify our purpose for existence as "creating more humans."

That's an extremely negative-sum way of viewing the world. Some individual humans (and even communities) can and have had a net-positive impact on the environment. For instance, did the parents of Greta Thunberg have a net-negative impact on the world by choosing to bring her into it? When people implicitly say that bringing children in the world is necessarily a net-negative on climate, they're implying that their l…

It is not realistic to expect that children will live without carbon emissions when it is clear that billions and billions of people don´t do that.

We have too many people on the planet. Carbon emissions is only one of the many huge environmental problems we have. Creating new consumers to the planet is clearly the most devastating act for the environment what individual people can do.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#482

Post by rco8786 »

nugget wrote: post #15

Whatever it is today, I fear the future will be much worse. The most devastating existential consequences of loneliness can take decades to manifest. You feel a little lonely in your day to day life now, but wake up twenty years from now and realize you're socially isolated with no meaningful relationships or community and it's "too late" to make up the lost time. Most dangerous of all may be that online social netwo…

> Whatever it is today, I fear the future will be much worse.

This is an easy trap for humans to fall into. "The sky is falling" type stuff.

Humans have faced lots of problems over the millenia, but the reality is that our lives continue to improve as a whole..not get worse.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#483

Post by dang »

beat wrote: post #441
5874-4b22-a4e0 wrote: post #395

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But it sounds like thier son is a f'ng looser. He would've had some sense beaten into him if his parents actually cared.

My dad beat plenty of sense into me. What I learned was to stay the hell away from him and never treat my children the way he treated his. edit: I haven't spoken to my father in over 20 years, and I probably never will again. What finally turned me to this point was having children of my own. I saw what he really was then, and I was determined that he would never have a part in their lives. They're adults now and are…

Thanks for staying on an even keel despite how frustrating some of these replies must be.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#484

Post by scarface74 »

bdamm wrote: post #62
realPubkey wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had the same situation. A non sustainable life. With her all changed. I go to the gym so she does not have a skinny boyfriend. When I find something good at netflix I wait until she is home and we can watch it together. When I find a nice place, I remmember it so I can show her the nice bench under that tree in my hometown. I always have flashback about the time I moved to another city without family bondings. Then…

Then when she develops more serious health or mental problems, and you have nobody to help look after your children, relationship therapy has burned through a couple therapists, and you're telling each other how lonely you each are but avoid real conversations because they inevitably lead to more loneliness, then you will again have a new perspective. Good luck.

I guess I am going to be the only person to defend this statement. I see where you are coming from and I’m willing to give you the benefit of a doubt that you meant the “hypothetical you”.

But to use the old cliché- it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#485

Post by SketchySeaBeast »

futureastronaut wrote: post #271
realPubkey wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had the same situation. A non sustainable life. With her all changed. I go to the gym so she does not have a skinny boyfriend. When I find something good at netflix I wait until she is home and we can watch it together. When I find a nice place, I remmember it so I can show her the nice bench under that tree in my hometown. I always have flashback about the time I moved to another city without family bondings. Then…

> I go to the gym so she does not have a skinny boyfriend. PSA, there's nothing wrong with being skinny, and some people prefer a skinny partner.

While there's nothing wrong with being skinny, if his partner is encouraging him to go to the gym to take care of himself, that's A-OK.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#486

Post by kop316 »

benj111 wrote: post #412
kop316 wrote: post #391

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If I may comment as a young(er) generation (I am early 30s now): I met who I wanted to marry when I was 29, and proposed to her at 30. I think she will be fine. I honestly think your daughter having to re-settle her life to find someone who shares the same wants in life out of her will lead to longer term happiness. When I was 25, I was dating someone long term whom it was kind of similar, I adored her, but ultimatel…

"I think she will be fine" What a ringing endorsement of your wife :) (probably not what you meant though)

Hahaha sorry bad use of pronouns. I meant his daughter.

My fiancée on the other hand still has time to figure out she can do way better than me.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#487

Post by kadendogthing »

taway060619 wrote: post #90

I’ve been feeling a pretty intense sort of depression and loneliness for the last month or so. The feelings of “you’re a white male and you work in tech and you are wealthy you are a SATAN” is just becoming too much :(. I volunteer a tremendous amount in education, where I’m the only male I generally even see in my field, and I constantly have to listen to my coworkers gleefully talk about how excited they are at how…

>The feelings of “you’re a white male and you work in tech and you are wealthy you are a SATAN” is just becoming too much :(.

Yeah this literally doesn't happen.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#488

Post by dang »

5874-4b22-a4e0 wrote: post #395
empath75 wrote: post #388

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If it makes you feel better, I was still living with my parents at 24 and had never had a girlfriend and I am now happily married with two kids. Some people are late bloomers.

But it sounds like thier son is a f'ng looser. He would've had some sense beaten into him if his parents actually cared.

We've banned this account for repeatedly breaking the site guidelines. If you don't want to be banned, you're welcome to email hn@ycombinator.com and give us reason to believe that you'll follow the rules in the future.

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#489

Post by erikpukinskis »

bytematic wrote: post #419
vfinn wrote: post #407

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm sorry to say this, but the tone in your voice towards your son sounds more detached than it should in my opinion. I mean, why would you let him slip into that bleak future you're describing for him? Shouldn't you be the one to wake him up, especially if he lives under your roof. I get it if you don't believe in discipline, but I think that's what is required here (or at least fatherly guidance).

If they are mid-twenties they have probably heard it a million different times in a million different ways, what do you do?

You talk to him. Drag him out to sit in the yard and talk for an hour. Demand he ride with you to the grocery store.

You listen to his reality. You ask him about what games he is playing and how they work. You ask him about what he wishes for more of. You respect him and love him and build trust.

You tell him hard truths, gently, when he needs to hear them.

You accept that he will need to wander in the desert to find his own truth, and might end up somewhere other than you.

You reach back out when you miss him.

You expect him to know things you don’t, and you take joy in discovering new things about him you didn’t know were there.

You tell him when he is hurting you, draw the line on abusive behaviors. Explain why his behaviors are wrong and describe what you need from him to feel great about the relationship.

You tell him about your own struggles and weaknesses. You talk about your hopes for improvement. You are self deprecating.

You laugh at his jokes. You are playful. You try to make him laugh even if he doesn’t appreciate your humor.

You treat him the same way you treat the adults that you love and respect most, so that he grows into one.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#490

Post by badpun »

roymurdock wrote: post #260
residentfoam wrote: post #106

I have been lucky enough to be able to work and live in several countries around the world. One thing in common I noticed in all these places is that guys and girls don't have time and don't want to commit to a stable long relation. They invest pretty much themselves and their time in their career, traveling , parties, dogs, cats and bitcoins :) ! The mantra is to get rich and retire at 40 years old! Travel the world…

i'm 26 and have traveled a fair bit and lived/worked in the US and UK young people go to the cities for high status, high paying jobs to pay off student loans and/or save up for the future in an increasingly uncertain world competition is extremely high for these jobs, compounded 1000x due to the rise and use of social media among my generation, which always suggests that next thing to buy or that next vacation to go…

> young people go to the cities for high status, high paying jobs to pay off student loans and/or save up for the future in an increasingly uncertain world

The current world is very capitalistic - high risk and high reward. Smart people are aware that there are paths that will allow them to retire at 40 or earlier, and are trying to pursue them. Unfortunately, these paths often require lots of dedication, so people neglect other areas of life. Whereas in earlier days, there were perhaps fewer good paths to financial independence, and people just accepted being in their jobs until old age, and tried to find comfort in family, friends etc.

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