The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness • Hacker News Board

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#341

Post by kaitai » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 7:26 PM UTC

whatshisface wrote: post #61

icxa wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> the liberation of women from the home and from conservative sexual values. Everyone is unhappy, married people on average are happier than unmarried, religious people are on average happier than unreligious people. The sexual and feminist revolution got some 'splainin to do. Of course, my view, the answer isn't "liberating women from the bonds of motherhood and family" but empowering women and supporting them in ar…

Feminism was motivated by the minority of women that wanted a job in 1950, and their legitimate frustration with how the system was trying to stop them from doing that. Somehow that got switched around into a society where almost every woman is required to have an income. It's like we went from oppressing half of all women to oppressing the other half of all women.

What about the right to vote? That was a pretty big feminist movement. Or the right to own property/have a bank account without a male cosigner?

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#342

Post by Erik816 » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 7:26 PM UTC

mythrwy wrote: post #300

ratsimihah wrote: post #3

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Try yoga at a small studio, communities are often great :>

That's not everyone's "fit in" group though. It's like saying attend local evangelical church. The people you meet will be potential friends for some types of people. For other types, not so much.

Good point. Although maybe a good percentage of people can imagine finding a social group at one or the other, noting that not all churches are evangelical in either theology or culture. Meaningful shared group experiences are important.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#343

Post by kleiba » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 7:27 PM UTC

residentfoam wrote: post #106

I have been lucky enough to be able to work and live in several countries around the world. One thing in common I noticed in all these places is that guys and girls don't have time and don't want to commit to a stable long relation. They invest pretty much themselves and their time in their career, traveling , parties, dogs, cats and bitcoins :) ! The mantra is to get rich and retire at 40 years old! Travel the world…

Sorry, but I call baloney.

I know you're just describing your personal impression and don't claim them to be universally true.

But allow me to present some evidence, er, anecdote to the contrary: I have also traveled the world and lived on three continents. I met lots of cool people and was lucky enough to make friends with some of them in all the places that I visited. I never observed the same as you apparently did, namely that they invested themselves in nothing but their career, traveling, parties, etc.

As a matter of fact, coming to think of it, a lot of the people I know (most of them college age) were also from abroad and made sure to stay involved with the family business back home as much as they could. Also, a lot of my friends were actually couples, showing that they cared for more than just work and individual leisure. Some of them got married since.

Of course, differences may be due to a number of reasons. What area of work you're in, for example. What geographical location you're in. And naturally, you probably tend to make friends with people that are to some degree similar in some respect. Also, there's varying degrees of peer pressure to like the same things if you want to be part of the in-crowd (or any crowd you like, really). Oh, and let's not forget: cultural background.

So I don't think you can generalize as much as you did in your post.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#344

Post by Robotbeat » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 7:27 PM UTC

Robotbeat wrote: post #276

jniedrauer wrote: post #189

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Bringing a child into the world to increase my own personal happiness, when nothing else I could do has such a direct and massive climate impact, is not something I can justify personally. Not to mention, my child would have to live to see the impacts of climate change. There is coming a point (it has already passed, in my opinion), where we can no longer justify our purpose for existence as "creating more humans."

That's an extremely negative-sum way of viewing the world. Some individual humans (and even communities) can and have had a net-positive impact on the environment. For instance, did the parents of Greta Thunberg have a net-negative impact on the world by choosing to bring her into it? When people implicitly say that bringing children in the world is necessarily a net-negative on climate, they're implying that their l…

Just to follow up, there are things one can do immediately to drive their carbon emissions negative.

For instance, pay people to plant (native) trees and restore ecosystems (or do it yourself). About $15/month could offset your entire carbon footprint and bring it negative: https://mossy.earth/

If you don't buy that argument for forest restoration counting ($15/ton of CO2), then you could also try some of the more expensive methods like sustainable biochar sequestration ($300/ton CO2). Even the super expensive options for offsetting CO2 are no more than a car lease payment at the individual level (and cheaper, of course, if you reduce your direct emissions as well).

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#345

Post by BeetleB » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 7:28 PM UTC

jniedrauer wrote: post #189

residentfoam wrote: post #106

I have been lucky enough to be able to work and live in several countries around the world. One thing in common I noticed in all these places is that guys and girls don't have time and don't want to commit to a stable long relation. They invest pretty much themselves and their time in their career, traveling , parties, dogs, cats and bitcoins :) ! The mantra is to get rich and retire at 40 years old! Travel the world…

Bringing a child into the world to increase my own personal happiness, when nothing else I could do has such a direct and massive climate impact, is not something I can justify personally. Not to mention, my child would have to live to see the impacts of climate change. There is coming a point (it has already passed, in my opinion), where we can no longer justify our purpose for existence as "creating more humans."

>Bringing a child into the world to increase my own personal happiness, when nothing else I could do has such a direct and massive climate impact, is not something I can justify personally. Not to mention, my child would have to live to see the impacts of climate change.

I find your comment, and your subsequent replies, exemplifies the headline of the submission quite well:

>The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#346

Post by savanpatel » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 7:29 PM UTC

Learn from Indian culture. You will not feel alone. Western culture need to relax their private space notion.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#347

Post by exogeny » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 7:29 PM UTC

o10449366 wrote: post #340

There are a concerning amount of incels and sexists in this thread. Please get off the internet and your toxic "communities" and get some help if you really hold such frustration and anger. Don't let it pent up.

Seriously. The comments here (and on the article itself) are scary, scary stuff.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#348

Post by ManuelKiessling » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 7:29 PM UTC

WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

Human nature is really weird. I can totally relate to everything you've written, and at the same time, I, as a father and husband, would love to experience a week like that really badly every now and then.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#349

Post by [deleted] » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 7:30 PM UTC

[deleted]

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#350

Post by chiefalchemist » Thu, Jun 06, 2019, 7:30 PM UTC

mberning wrote: post #104

chiefalchemist wrote: post #78

True. But it's great for the economy. When a family splits, that means 2x everything (e.g., sofa, dishes, TV, etc.) Same goes for the social "norm" that adults above 25 y/o (?) should live alone (if they're not married). The issue is, not only is this counter to long-established human (emotional) needs, but it is resource intensive as well. Put another way, we're bringing Mother Nature to her knees, and we're too dep…

Also with both parents working the labor pool has essentially doubled over the last 50-60 years. And people wonder why their parents could raise a family on one income but they cannot. Obviously there are many factors at play of which this phenomenon is just one.

True. But I think a big factor is housing. The home I grew up in (only my father drew a salary) is small by today's standards. But again, get a bigger home today, and then fill it with more shit.

People (read: their egos) are their own worst enemy. If you resist the status quo and "the Jones" it's not as bad. Perhaps not the same as before, but not as bad who tend to live beyond their means.