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I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

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Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#391

Post by rconti »

harryh wrote: post #85
S_A_P wrote: post #17

One of the first articles I remember reading on HN was back in 2009. The gist of the article was that you shouldn’t praise your kids for being smart, praise them when they work hard. Rewarding hard work will better serve them in the long run since being smart will plateau at some point. I have a 9 and 11 year old and I still bristle a little bit when my mom says y’all are so smart.

Be careful relying on studies in this area. The "growth mindset", like much of psychology over the last several decades, is subject to the replication crisis. At the very least, the size of the effect is almost certainly quite small.

What, precisely are you cautioning against? Merely against folks who excessively bristle at "you're so smart?" Or are you cautioning against the growth mindset in general?

I only happened upon the growth mindset in the past year or so, and it's changed (or is changing) my life. I don't see how it's not possible that it's not profoundly true. That doesn't mean that you have to use one author's books or terminologies, but the point of it is a relatively profound truth. It resonates so strongly with me, and explains so many things about my anxieties and emotions, as it apparently does with others. And there's nobody pushing the opposite.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#392

Post by Bakary »

redsparrow wrote: post #156
petercooper wrote: post #7

One trick is to find two things you are reasonably gifted at and you're more likely to be remarkable if you work in the area where those two things meet. For example, if you're an 80th %ile programmer and 80th %ile automotive mechanic, there is surely a niche that connects the two where you would perhaps be 95 %ile merely by how unusual it is to being good at both things.

This echos some career advice from Dilbert creator Scott Adams. "Become very good (top 25%) at two or more things." He also goes on to say that "at least one of the skills in your mixture should involve communication, either written or verbal." The idea being that this should make it easier to leverage your other skill(s) in a work environment. https://dilbertblog.typepad.com/the_dilbert_blog/2007/07/car...

I have a friend who became a successful science writer after reading this very same blog post. So that's at least one anecdotal data point in Adams' favor.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#393

Post by mark-r »

redsparrow wrote: post #156
petercooper wrote: post #7

One trick is to find two things you are reasonably gifted at and you're more likely to be remarkable if you work in the area where those two things meet. For example, if you're an 80th %ile programmer and 80th %ile automotive mechanic, there is surely a niche that connects the two where you would perhaps be 95 %ile merely by how unusual it is to being good at both things.

This echos some career advice from Dilbert creator Scott Adams. "Become very good (top 25%) at two or more things." He also goes on to say that "at least one of the skills in your mixture should involve communication, either written or verbal." The idea being that this should make it easier to leverage your other skill(s) in a work environment. https://dilbertblog.typepad.com/the_dilbert_blog/2007/07/car...

He uses himself as a prime example. He knows he's not the funniest guy in the world, nor the best artist. But by combining the two in Dilbert he's been very successful.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#394

Post by icedchai »

My sister and I were both in gifted programs, back in the late 80's and early 90's. Neither of our lives turned out the way we expected. We also have a few gifted friends, some who have severe mental illness or drug addiction. Though most quite lead very ordinary lives, I know none of who achieved anything incredibly extraordinary. I know I've done better than most, it doesn't feel like enough...

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#395

Post by ikeyany »

jl2718 wrote: post #300
microtonal wrote: post #175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It does not necessarily have to do anything with laziness. The further you get the fiercer your competition. Most people around here were probably the best in elementary school and high school, perhaps even university. But if you go further up the intelligence or economic ladder, you will compare yourself to peers who are at the same step or next step. And the competition is much fiercer. You are 'competing' with peo…

This forum in particular attracts a certain type of ‘lazy intellectual’: people that value thought and introspection above constant action. They were the type of children that easily mastered early school subjects without working, but are so fascinated by ideas that mere action bores them. I think it’s important to recognize the advantages and limitations of this mindset. I’ve considered the possibility that it is si…

Apply your own logic on yourself. Have you consideed that the arbitrary demand for constant action could itself be a mental disorder?

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#396

Post by cheez »

simmanian wrote: post #362
cheez wrote: post #280

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I didn't say I pushed them in a positive way :) Sometimes they need their heads pounded figuratively. But generally, I talk to them about their goals and ask them if they really want them. Usually the answer is yes. Then I say something like "Are you willing to give up some play time with fortnite (or equivalent)" to achieve your goal? Usually the answer is yes. Then I ask them how they will know they are getting clo…

How old are your kids? My worry is that if I do this with my future kids they'll simply tell me what I want to hear since they won't have developed a clear understanding of what they want in life and what's possible to do in life.

16 and 11. I think the 11 year old maybe only started picking it up in the last year or so, but after they picked up a hobby they really liked.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#397

Post by sudoscript »

nihalot wrote: post #180
microtonal wrote: post #166

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Therefore, I find myself in a situation where making a lot of money isn't my goal, but I feel that I have to do it if I want to achieve my goals. Can't you work remotely? There are a lot of smaller cities (at least in Europe) that have a great vibe, are welcoming to all kinds of people, and do not have extreme housing costs. I live in such a city, a large chunk of the population are students, so there is a vibrant so…

I'm working remotely but living like a nomad. A month at most in different villages across India. I now miss the city life, and am also considering moving to Europe, perhaps a small city in Germany. Can you share more about these smaller cities? What was your criteria for choosing the city you are in presently?

I've actually been thinking about doing something similar in India. How has it been going for you?

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#398

Post by toyg »

humanrebar wrote: post #198
portroyal wrote: post #184

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your comment is grey and I don't think it should be. People care so much about being "a good person" while also acknowledging corporate psychopathy and other "bad guys win" scenarios that are so normal to the human existence. Meanwhile, if you ask an educator about their situation, I'm not sure they'd tick the box. The educators I know are fulfilled by their work, not their work environments.

Let's ask short order cooks if they are fulfilled by their work environments. They'll probably complain about coworkers, the hours, and say their feet hurt. That's not to say teachers don't have the feelings they might have, but it's a pretty privileged position to be in to expect your work to fulfill you in some deep way.

My point is that a lot (most?) educators wouldn’t consider “being an educator” as a fabulous achievement - it’s a job, and a pretty stressful and financially unrewarding one at that, particularly for people with a significant amount of academic qualifications. So the parent poster going “what is she complainin’ for, she’s an educator!”, imho, is pretty out of order by most objective parameters.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#399

Post by toyg »

sanxiyn wrote: post #136
beauzero wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My brother was always a better learner/student than me as well. He would study 10+ hours for an exam...or all night if that is what it took. I would cram 15 minutes before an exam. We both got similar grades. The difference is that he retained most of what he studied. A month later I didn't remember it. We adjusted our jobs similarly. Mine requires large amounts of information being take in and used quickly to solve…

This kind of thinking is very foreign to me but apparently it is common? Getting 100% in exam never required any effort for me, so I never studied for exam. I always studied to understand, so I retained it all.

You forgot the humblebrag alert at the top.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#400

Post by rewgs »

jdefr89 wrote: post #244
godzillabrennus wrote: post #91

They called me gifted as a kid. Tested at a genius level IQ (not that it matters). I barely passed high school. I started my first company while in it. I dropped out of my engineering programming. I was teaching other students about computers and was running a business on the side. I am not someone who follows the rules well. My sibling is the polar opposite, they have three Ivy League degrees. They were top 3% of th…

Very similar situation. But we are kind of the exception. I just happened to start loving programming/hacking around 6th grade. I spent all my time doing that, mostly sometimes in secret to avoid being viewed as a 'nerd'. Although it paid off, I am just lucky my interest was what happens to be flourishing at the time.

Thank you for this. I don’t think OP realizes the immense luck involved in being a person who is naturally interested in (and also has access to) computers from a young age in the current era.

The trick is picking the right thing to be interested in, and the problem is that you can’t force yourself to be interested in something, nor can you predict whether that interest will be lucrative.

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