I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected • Hacker News Board

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#341

Post by badpun » Fri, May 31, 2019, 6:03 PM UTC

harimau777 wrote: post #155

jshaqaw wrote: post #36

Part of the issue here is defining what it means to “achieve”. I was a gifted child and graduated at the top of my fancy Ivy League university. Did I go on to conquer the world? No. And many days I stress and feel bad about that. But that’s mostly when I allow myself to judge myself by the external validation system of society. Society values a big bank account or fancy awards which is fine. A happy life spent with f…

Personally, my goals are to have an interesting job (i.e. using a modern tech stack), have the resources to pursue my hobbies, and have the autonomy to be eccentric if I want to. However, meeting those goals require a lot of money. This is especially the case since interesting tech jobs, access to niche resources, and tolerance of alternative lifestyles are all associated with living in a large city. Therefore, I fin…

> Personally, my goals are to have an interesting job (i.e. using a modern tech stack)

I always wonder why using a modern tech is interesting? Let's say there's a job where you're using J2EE 1.4 or some other outdated technology from the early 2000s. The thing is, I remember when that technology was hot shit and people considered working on it very interesting. So, it looks like, over the course of time, doing the very same task, with the same day-to-day activities, went from interesting to uninteresting?

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#342

Post by akhilcacharya » Fri, May 31, 2019, 6:07 PM UTC

anderspitman wrote: post #326

akhilcacharya wrote: post #260

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This isn't accurate, for instance the data structures/algorithms courses at top schools are significantly more attuned to how industry hiring works than mediocre schools like the one I went to, where you need a lot of external practice in order to be able to pass interviews.

Do companies use school pedigree for filtering? Yes. Are there other ways to stand out from the crowd? Yes.

I’m not talking about filtering. I’m talking about succeeding in interviews.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#343

Post by badpun » Fri, May 31, 2019, 6:10 PM UTC

JamesBarney wrote: post #327

ransom1538 wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The world needs more good people. The world doesn't need more smart people.

I imagine smart people have done more good for the world than good people. The big lasting improvements to our lives have almost exclusively come from technology and when you look back at technology the vast majority of it was created by smart people(a lot of whom were good too). Vaccines, antibiotics, and farming technology have probably saved more people than every charity that has ever existed combined.

Good != charity. Good people voluntarily enlisted in war to fight tyrants. Or sacrificed to give decent upbringing to their kids, often against extreme hardships, so that they don't become degenerates or criminals. Etc etc.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#344

Post by badpun » Fri, May 31, 2019, 6:14 PM UTC

mojomark wrote: post #160

lorepieri wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well said. Some people talk about enlightenment. To me, that is nothing else than fully realising that what really matters has actually been at our reach all the time. It's just that it is so difficult to filter out the external pressure to "achieve more".

It may sound ridiculous (you're going to laugh), but when I find myself stressing over superficial things, it helps me to think of the song "The Grand Illusion" by Styx. To me, no words better sum up the odd complexity that has emerged from humanity. It's my mantra. My wife's mantra is equally ridiculous and true: "it just doesn't matter" from Bill Murray's monologue in Meatballs. Maybe one of these mantras will help…

If it doesn't matter, why go to the job at all?

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#345

Post by munificent » Fri, May 31, 2019, 6:16 PM UTC

rhcom2 wrote: post #259

TheBeardKing wrote: post #145

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You should throw out [addictive behavior X] is what you really mean. I'm 35 and have multiple hobbies and kids, gaming is one that I just limit to a few hours a week. Anything prohibiting you from fulfilling your responsibilities is a problem area.

Exactly, the dose makes the poison.

What a delightful turn of phrase!

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#346

Post by dang » Fri, May 31, 2019, 6:17 PM UTC

akhilcacharya wrote: post #255

karmelapple wrote: post #162

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m so glad I had parents who encouraged in me what you are encouraging in your children. I was accepted to a very prestigious university, and as my friends, their parents, and other adults (including some family) found out, there was mostly encouragement to just go there. The attitude was, “why wouldn’t I want to go there? Just think of the opportunity!” They we’re shocked I was thinking of attending a state school…

I always am bothered by these stories because they seem to imply the person matters more than the school. I had mediocre grades and stats (#2 in class, 1500/1600) but I didn’t get into a prestigious school and went to my state school. The fact that I couldn’t even get into a top school appears to bode pretty poorly for my future if this is the criteria!

Could you please stop posting so much on the topics of schools, elites, and elite schools on HN? It's excessive:

https://hn.algolia.com/?query=by:akhilcacharya%20school&sort...

https://hn.algolia.com/?query=by:akhilcacharya%20elite&sort=...

I get how strongly you feel, but it goes against the spirit of the site when people keep posting so repetitively about one particular issue that they feel strongly about. HN threads are supposed to be driven by curiosity, which is a quite different motivation.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#347

Post by bigdang » Fri, May 31, 2019, 6:18 PM UTC

If you really end up believing you’re “smart”, you may not be so smart after all. A good definition for intelligence doesn’t exist. You believing you are its epitome speaks to your impressionability rather than your intelligence.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#348

Post by redisman » Fri, May 31, 2019, 6:19 PM UTC

badpun wrote: post #341

harimau777 wrote: post #155

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Personally, my goals are to have an interesting job (i.e. using a modern tech stack), have the resources to pursue my hobbies, and have the autonomy to be eccentric if I want to. However, meeting those goals require a lot of money. This is especially the case since interesting tech jobs, access to niche resources, and tolerance of alternative lifestyles are all associated with living in a large city. Therefore, I fin…

> Personally, my goals are to have an interesting job (i.e. using a modern tech stack) I always wonder why using a modern tech is interesting? Let's say there's a job where you're using J2EE 1.4 or some other outdated technology from the early 2000s. The thing is, I remember when that technology was hot shit and people considered working on it very interesting. So, it looks like, over the course of time, doing the ve…

I think it's mostly job security. I've worked on many technologies that I really enjoyed despite the flaws that every tech has (Flash for example) that have 0 jobs 10 years later.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#349

Post by ficklepickle » Fri, May 31, 2019, 6:22 PM UTC

This was me. They told me I was gifted at 5, but missed the part where I was on the autism spectrum. It led to severe mental health issues and substance abuse. The only reason I'm not dead is because I finally figured it out, 25 years later.

Now I can apply myself and am not so terrified by failure. I feel unencumbered for the first time. I can pursue my interests.

I don't think telling 5 year old children they are gifted is helpful. There is no upside.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#350

Post by zepto » Fri, May 31, 2019, 6:22 PM UTC

In other words, she was completely failed by the education system which forced her to work at a level below her capability and excluded her from the Challenge is necessary to develop that were challenges necessary to develop that were Tailored to meet the needs of less gifted children while her needs were ignored.

It seems fairly obvious that a system that forces people to work below their level of capability for the first couple of decades of their life, is conditioning them to do that for the rest of their life too.

Of course some people will find a way out of this path, but this is what the system does and generally gifted people will be disadvantaged in this way.