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I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

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Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#251

Post by monktastic1 »

50 wrote: post #113
lorepieri wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well said. Some people talk about enlightenment. To me, that is nothing else than fully realising that what really matters has actually been at our reach all the time. It's just that it is so difficult to filter out the external pressure to "achieve more".

I like what you said about enlightenment. On a similar note, I tend to say, there is no such thing as those enlightened and those veiled in ignorance, we all shimmer from the same inexplicable source. But otherwise, I read this yesterday (and even submitted it onto this site), you might find it interesting: http://merton.org/ITMS/Seasonal/11/11-4Kronenberg.pdf I like the last bit: What I am saying is this: the score…

"we all shimmer from the same inexplicable source"

Just thought I'd say I love this description.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#252

Post by kirsebaer »

tmaly wrote: post #224
harryh wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Be careful relying on studies in this area. The "growth mindset", like much of psychology over the last several decades, is subject to the replication crisis. At the very least, the size of the effect is almost certainly quite small.

I you watch the TED talk by Angela Duckworth, author of Grit book, she says one thing where they still really have not figured out how to teach resilience to kids. I was speaking to a high school teacher last week, and they use these grit scores and all the tips mentioned in the grit book. But at the end of the day, they still do not have a sure fire method to teach it or the growth mindset. Years ago I spoke to a re…

Kids who went to Sudbury Schools (no curriculum, democratic free schools) report developing high resilience. In these schools kids do what they like: read, videogames, singing, whatever, without any academic pressure or expectations. They try stuff and fail. They have to think about what they actually want to do, rather than looking to the teacher to tell them what to do.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#253

Post by monktastic1 »

mojomark wrote: post #160
lorepieri wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well said. Some people talk about enlightenment. To me, that is nothing else than fully realising that what really matters has actually been at our reach all the time. It's just that it is so difficult to filter out the external pressure to "achieve more".

It may sound ridiculous (you're going to laugh), but when I find myself stressing over superficial things, it helps me to think of the song "The Grand Illusion" by Styx. To me, no words better sum up the odd complexity that has emerged from humanity. It's my mantra. My wife's mantra is equally ridiculous and true: "it just doesn't matter" from Bill Murray's monologue in Meatballs. Maybe one of these mantras will help…

This is awesome. Indeed, according to the mystical traditions, enlightenment is about realizing that it is all a grand illusion. (Though I would add, that in addition to "it just doesn't matter" it also matters very, very much!)

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#255

Post by akhilcacharya »

karmelapple wrote: post #162
jshaqaw wrote: post #36

Part of the issue here is defining what it means to “achieve”. I was a gifted child and graduated at the top of my fancy Ivy League university. Did I go on to conquer the world? No. And many days I stress and feel bad about that. But that’s mostly when I allow myself to judge myself by the external validation system of society. Society values a big bank account or fancy awards which is fine. A happy life spent with f…

I’m so glad I had parents who encouraged in me what you are encouraging in your children. I was accepted to a very prestigious university, and as my friends, their parents, and other adults (including some family) found out, there was mostly encouragement to just go there. The attitude was, “why wouldn’t I want to go there? Just think of the opportunity!” They we’re shocked I was thinking of attending a state school…

I always am bothered by these stories because they seem to imply the person matters more than the school.

I had mediocre grades and stats (#2 in class, 1500/1600) but I didn’t get into a prestigious school and went to my state school. The fact that I couldn’t even get into a top school appears to bode pretty poorly for my future if this is the criteria!

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#256

Post by plutonorm »

easymodex wrote: post #27

This is very familiar to me. In college I often procrastinated until 3 days before an exam and only then opened the books. I didn't have the best grades because I made a conscious effort to get through with as little work as possible. I felt good about it as other classmates were studying for weeks before. Unfortunately I spent a lot of that free time playing video games. It was fun but i could've achieved way more.…

I did the same thing. Got by without really trying. Never went to lectures, studied for a month before the exams. Got 1st class marks.

But I didn't do it because I was lazy or because I wanted an easy life. I did it because I was afraid of failure, utterly terrified.

For smart people who come from less than loving families, fear of failure is the hardest thing to overcome.

It's such a shame because what I really wanted to do was research... Dreaming up new ways of doing things, but I just didn't stand out enough to get the chance because I did no work.

Now I am a jack of all trades who knows a little about a huge range of things. But I could do so much more if I didn't have to build crud apps every day, uch, kill me now.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#257

Post by 0xdeadbeefbabe »

AllegedAlec wrote: post #51
S_A_P wrote: post #17

One of the first articles I remember reading on HN was back in 2009. The gist of the article was that you shouldn’t praise your kids for being smart, praise them when they work hard. Rewarding hard work will better serve them in the long run since being smart will plateau at some point. I have a 9 and 11 year old and I still bristle a little bit when my mom says y’all are so smart.

It's what Pratchett said: “If you trust in yourself... and believe in your dreams... and follow your star... you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.”

Yeah like Edison (and Tesla).

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#258

Post by thomaswang »

gpvos wrote: post #49
thomaswang wrote: post #16

Point being. Grit is what gets you places.

True, but an important corollary is that many people who could serve our world in wonderful ways aren't learning grit, since our school system isn't set up for it and neither are most parents, even if they're smart and have recognized the problem. This is a huge waste of human potential, and also makes them much unhappier than should be possible.

The only way for the society to learn is by doing. We need people who are gifted and have no grit and people who are not gifted but has.

Also don't tell every child they can become anything, they can not. I suggest telling them "they can do anything they set their mind to but they need to want it" that last part is the grit part, gifted people me as well hits a wall at some time in life where the rules and systems (job) do not fall naturally like coursework, here you have two choices stand up and do your job (just know, you will succed it just takes some more time than usual), or don't and be bad at your job and don't excell.

Whining about what you where not taught Fron society or parents gets you nowhere in life, but acceptance and perseverance does, atleas that's my experience.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#259

Post by rhcom2 »

TheBeardKing wrote: post #145
turk73 wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You should throw out all the games. I'm serious. I never really began to succeed until I stopped playing stupid games and became a man. Now I'm managing younger guys who can't put down the controller. Last fall I had to fire someone who was clearly staying up all night playing video games and was never prepared for work nor doing an adequate job at it. Sadly, his own sense of privilege prevented him from being able t…

You should throw out [addictive behavior X] is what you really mean. I'm 35 and have multiple hobbies and kids, gaming is one that I just limit to a few hours a week. Anything prohibiting you from fulfilling your responsibilities is a problem area.

Exactly, the dose makes the poison.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#260

Post by akhilcacharya »

throwayEngineer wrote: post #167
karmelapple wrote: post #162

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m so glad I had parents who encouraged in me what you are encouraging in your children. I was accepted to a very prestigious university, and as my friends, their parents, and other adults (including some family) found out, there was mostly encouragement to just go there. The attitude was, “why wouldn’t I want to go there? Just think of the opportunity!” They we’re shocked I was thinking of attending a state school…

The whole prestigious school thing means little imo. After you meet a few dunces from a top school and the rare genius who went to CC, you really stop caring. College is what you make it. If you aren't networking a top school, I don't see the purpose, we all learn math.

This isn't accurate, for instance the data structures/algorithms courses at top schools are significantly more attuned to how industry hiring works than mediocre schools like the one I went to, where you need a lot of external practice in order to be able to pass interviews.
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