Earlier quoted context omitted.
Its nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
The world needs more good people. The world doesn't need more smart people.
Being 'good' in a non-smart way is not actually being very good at all.
I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected
161–170 of 424 posts
Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected
#162Part of the issue here is defining what it means to “achieve”. I was a gifted child and graduated at the top of my fancy Ivy League university. Did I go on to conquer the world? No. And many days I stress and feel bad about that. But that’s mostly when I allow myself to judge myself by the external validation system of society. Society values a big bank account or fancy awards which is fine. A happy life spent with f…
I’m so glad I had parents who encouraged in me what you are encouraging in your children.
I was accepted to a very prestigious university, and as my friends, their parents, and other adults (including some family) found out, there was mostly encouragement to just go there. The attitude was, “why wouldn’t I want to go there? Just think of the opportunity!” They we’re shocked I was thinking of attending a state school instead of automatically saying yes to the prestigious one.
My parents were much more practical, pointing out how much it would cost - even after the scholarships I’d be given - and how much debt I’d have at the end of 4 years.
They pointed out how difficult it can be to go a long ways away for college sometimes, and how young adults of that age can struggle, especially in the first year. I saw that happen to many friends and acquaintances; leaving to a school far away, only to move back much closer to home after a year or two.
One friend who wasn’t strongly encouraging me to go to the prestigious school? Someone who was in a grad program at that prestigious school. He was confident I’d succeed and be happy at either a smaller, state university, or the big name one. When I chose the state school, this friend - who had been pretty neutral up to then - said he was very impressed and happy that I went the way that I did.
All the people who hadn’t had that experience seemed pretty hesitantly approving of my choice to go to the state school. “Oh, you chose that one? ... well, good for you!”
I later ended up working at the same company as many people from more prestigious schools, and graduating from the state school with no debt let me be a co-founder of a company much earlier in my life than if I had tens of thousands of college debt. I’m totally happy with my choice.
Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected
#163One of the first articles I remember reading on HN was back in 2009. The gist of the article was that you shouldn’t praise your kids for being smart, praise them when they work hard. Rewarding hard work will better serve them in the long run since being smart will plateau at some point. I have a 9 and 11 year old and I still bristle a little bit when my mom says y’all are so smart.
On the flip side, you have to challenge them and give them the opportunity to work hard. I think schools get lazy with gifted kids. Gifted kids deserve to be challenged and put to the limits of their abilities the same as non-gifted children, but schools just don't do that. Tracking children by ability in the US has been labeled elitist. Funding often isn't there for enrichment programs. Parents are expected to provi…
No-child-left-behind really screwed the gifted programs. All the money went to get the marginal kids to pass the tests.
I was in the first big wave of gifted programs in the mid-80s. My teachers had doctorates. There were 10-15 kids in my classes. We did lots of off the wall stuff.
Now, my child is in the same boat, but her class size is 30-35, and the curriculum isn’t particularly special.
Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected
#164Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Unfortunately I spent a lot of that free time playing video games. It was fun but i could've achieved way more. I'm currently beta testing a new optimization - I'm only allowed to play WoW Classic after my todo-list is done. One if the items on the todo-list is "do something productive for 30 minutes" (and currently, there's no shortage of things to fill those 30 minutes with). Maybe I can use the extreme gravitati…
You should throw out all the games. I'm serious. I never really began to succeed until I stopped playing stupid games and became a man. Now I'm managing younger guys who can't put down the controller. Last fall I had to fire someone who was clearly staying up all night playing video games and was never prepared for work nor doing an adequate job at it. Sadly, his own sense of privilege prevented him from being able t…
I never really began to succeed until I stopped playing stupid games and became a man.
Nice work. You're so manly now.
Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected
#165Earlier quoted context omitted.
They must have had happy childhood and fulfilling life.
The life of a virtuoso musician is a curious one. The first 20-25 years of their lives is intensely stressful and gruelling. Practising their instrument for 10+ hours a day isn't uncommon, and their lives are usually dominated by chasing competition to competition trying to prove their worth relative to their contemporaries so that they can get signed by various agents and record labels (assuming that they are aiming…
Is that path accessible to everyone who practices 10 hours a day through their teens or is there survivorship bias involved? I've known a few very skilled musicians who had to have spouses or day jobs to put food on the table.
Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected
#166Part of the issue here is defining what it means to “achieve”. I was a gifted child and graduated at the top of my fancy Ivy League university. Did I go on to conquer the world? No. And many days I stress and feel bad about that. But that’s mostly when I allow myself to judge myself by the external validation system of society. Society values a big bank account or fancy awards which is fine. A happy life spent with f…
Personally, my goals are to have an interesting job (i.e. using a modern tech stack), have the resources to pursue my hobbies, and have the autonomy to be eccentric if I want to. However, meeting those goals require a lot of money. This is especially the case since interesting tech jobs, access to niche resources, and tolerance of alternative lifestyles are all associated with living in a large city. Therefore, I fin…
Therefore, I find myself in a situation where making a lot of money isn't my goal, but I feel that I have to do it if I want to achieve my goals.
Can't you work remotely? There are a lot of smaller cities (at least in Europe) that have a great vibe, are welcoming to all kinds of people, and do not have extreme housing costs.
I live in such a city, a large chunk of the population are students, so there is a vibrant social and nightlife. But the city is too small to have a lot of 'big city problems'.
Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected
#167Part of the issue here is defining what it means to “achieve”. I was a gifted child and graduated at the top of my fancy Ivy League university. Did I go on to conquer the world? No. And many days I stress and feel bad about that. But that’s mostly when I allow myself to judge myself by the external validation system of society. Society values a big bank account or fancy awards which is fine. A happy life spent with f…
I’m so glad I had parents who encouraged in me what you are encouraging in your children. I was accepted to a very prestigious university, and as my friends, their parents, and other adults (including some family) found out, there was mostly encouragement to just go there. The attitude was, “why wouldn’t I want to go there? Just think of the opportunity!” They we’re shocked I was thinking of attending a state school…
The whole prestigious school thing means little imo.
After you meet a few dunces from a top school and the rare genius who went to CC, you really stop caring.
College is what you make it. If you aren't networking a top school, I don't see the purpose, we all learn math.
Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected
#168This is very familiar to me. In college I often procrastinated until 3 days before an exam and only then opened the books. I didn't have the best grades because I made a conscious effort to get through with as little work as possible. I felt good about it as other classmates were studying for weeks before. Unfortunately I spent a lot of that free time playing video games. It was fun but i could've achieved way more.…
> I made a conscious effort to get through with as little work as possible
I did a lot of that, too - and although I was (and probably still am) a bit lazy, there was more to it than just laziness. I had in some way convinced myself that studying all the time was sort of "cheating" - I was too smart to be doing such mundane things as showing up for class, reading the material and working the exercises. I didn't come to my senses until my senior year of college - and even then, when I took the GRE I actually bought a test-prep book and read it and the whole time I felt like I was going to get "caught" and thrown out of the testing center for being too prepared.
Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected
#169The education system provides fairly clear and predictable paths to affirmation, success, and a sort of grade based people ranking system. Life outside that system often very much does not. Everyone has to come to terms with it at some point. I can understand how for someone who school makes a strong impression on them it can be a real struggle without what was such a clear and predictable system.
> The education system provides fairly clear and predictable paths to affirmation, success, and a sort of grade based people ranking system. > Life outside that system often very much does not. Work does. There are salaries, titles, a hierarchical structure. Plenty of people get sucked into the cycle of wanting "just a little more" salary, recognition, promotions, reports. Not very different from a videogame addictio…
Word certainly does for some people although being one of the "gifted" types at work seems to provide fewer chances to be that. Teacher's can give out As left and right and even if they give them to everyone, people feel pretty good about it.
Also the scale of affirmation at work can vary wildly.
Granted every workplace is different.
Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected
#170The education system provides fairly clear and predictable paths to affirmation, success, and a sort of grade based people ranking system. Life outside that system often very much does not. Everyone has to come to terms with it at some point. I can understand how for someone who school makes a strong impression on them it can be a real struggle without what was such a clear and predictable system.
> Life outside that system often very much does not. Unless you become a teacher. That might be why the system doesn't change - the people running it have never lived another way.
Yeah the folks who stay in the education systems often (not always) tend to like that sort of structure / participating in it. It feels a bit like a feedback loop.