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I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

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Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#121

Post by turk73 »

titzer wrote: post #59

It took me years to realize that dreams are just dreams unless you work at them. And working at big dreams--the kind of career-arc dreams, are not supported well by all-nighters and heroic hackfests. They are constructed by daily drips of work in just the right direction. Keep plodding along, building up the creation in little steps. Hiking and climbing mountains are good instructors. You don't run at a mountain, you…

Just to take the mountain analogy a little further, if you're stuck in the traffic jam on top of Everest because all the other high achieving people are there, too, and then you run out of air, you're going to die on that hill. Some things are not in your control. In fact, all the people that have died on Everest are high achievers.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#122

Post by mabbo »

The key moment for me when I first had an inkling that being smart wasn't enough on it's own came at my grade 11 math final exam.

I finished it in 45 minutes. No problem. Got an 88%. Felt awesome. Simon, the prototype of the "jock" football player, took the full 2.5 hours offered on the same exam. He got a 99%.

It bothered me for years because it went against everything I knew. I was smarter, so I deserved the better grade. I finished so much faster than him! If I'd spent the full 2.5 hours I'm sure I'd have gotten 100%... But I didn't do that.

It took until college before I finally came to understand: nobody cares how clever you are. There are no points for that in life. Points are for getting things done, for accomplishments.

(I should also mention that despite the jock stereotype of acting superior, etc, Simon was one of the nicest guys!)

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#123

Post by celticninja »

jshaqaw wrote: post #36

Part of the issue here is defining what it means to “achieve”. I was a gifted child and graduated at the top of my fancy Ivy League university. Did I go on to conquer the world? No. And many days I stress and feel bad about that. But that’s mostly when I allow myself to judge myself by the external validation system of society. Society values a big bank account or fancy awards which is fine. A happy life spent with f…

Its nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#124

Post by criddell »

duxup wrote: post #18

The education system provides fairly clear and predictable paths to affirmation, success, and a sort of grade based people ranking system. Life outside that system often very much does not. Everyone has to come to terms with it at some point. I can understand how for someone who school makes a strong impression on them it can be a real struggle without what was such a clear and predictable system.

> Life outside that system often very much does not.

Unless you become a teacher. That might be why the system doesn't change - the people running it have never lived another way.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#125

Post by motohagiography »

I realized that being selected for a gifted class wasn't so much about helping my peers as it was protecting the order of the classroom. If someone said today, "hey, these people are exceptional, let's isolate them from the people they seem to lead," I'd recognize it for what it was. When I look at former gifted kids, it's almost as though a generation of young leaders were sabotaged by appealing to their parents vanity.

Sure, some kids need to get out of absurd public school situations, but knowledge these days is basically free. The only skills that matter for life outcomes are social and political, with things like abstraction and mastery a distant third.

The theme among former gifted students I know is a kind of naivety where their social segregation deprived them of experience with the tools for how less abstractly oriented people must survive. It makes them soft targets for someone with a chip on their shoulder, a double digit IQ, and an instinct to lie to cover their weaknesses. Few would argue against the idea that, teaching kids to solve problems using intelligence and creativity over collaboration and management is to put them at a disadvantage. Problem solving is what talent does, it is not what management and leadership does.

I'm sure there are many gifted students who are just fine, but the outcomes are arguably much more polarized than for typical students.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#126

Post by ransom1538 »

celticninja wrote: post #123
jshaqaw wrote: post #36

Part of the issue here is defining what it means to “achieve”. I was a gifted child and graduated at the top of my fancy Ivy League university. Did I go on to conquer the world? No. And many days I stress and feel bad about that. But that’s mostly when I allow myself to judge myself by the external validation system of society. Society values a big bank account or fancy awards which is fine. A happy life spent with f…

Its nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

The world needs more good people. The world doesn't need more smart people.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#127

Post by ck425 »

caser wrote: post #15

In many ways, this was my story growing up until I got really into soccer. I started playing late, but loved the game, so clawed my way up through practicing in much of my spare time, whether down by the field or in the street in front of my house. Soccer pre-season conditioning also was probably the hardest thing I’d ever done, and left me in the best shape of my life. This instilled the feedback loop of effort = re…

This might be a stereotype, but certainly in my case, I hated team sports and strongly resented the way everyone presumed that I liked football cause I was a boy.

The advice to find something they enjoy that shows progress is great (I did that with theatre), but don't force them into anything, especially not team sports.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#128

Post by Bakary »

godzillabrennus wrote: post #91

They called me gifted as a kid. Tested at a genius level IQ (not that it matters). I barely passed high school. I started my first company while in it. I dropped out of my engineering programming. I was teaching other students about computers and was running a business on the side. I am not someone who follows the rules well. My sibling is the polar opposite, they have three Ivy League degrees. They were top 3% of th…

As someone who also follows the rules well like your sibling (but isn't gifted), the more time passes the more I understand it to be a serious character flaw.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#129

Post by beauzero »

mabbo wrote: post #122

The key moment for me when I first had an inkling that being smart wasn't enough on it's own came at my grade 11 math final exam. I finished it in 45 minutes. No problem. Got an 88%. Felt awesome. Simon, the prototype of the "jock" football player, took the full 2.5 hours offered on the same exam. He got a 99%. It bothered me for years because it went against everything I knew. I was smarter, so I deserved the better…

My brother was always a better learner/student than me as well. He would study 10+ hours for an exam...or all night if that is what it took. I would cram 15 minutes before an exam. We both got similar grades. The difference is that he retained most of what he studied. A month later I didn't remember it. We adjusted our jobs similarly. Mine requires large amounts of information being take in and used quickly to solve problems...sometimes only once. He teaches difficult students a very difficult subject.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#130

Post by spunker540 »

david-gpu wrote: post #44
duxup wrote: post #18

The education system provides fairly clear and predictable paths to affirmation, success, and a sort of grade based people ranking system. Life outside that system often very much does not. Everyone has to come to terms with it at some point. I can understand how for someone who school makes a strong impression on them it can be a real struggle without what was such a clear and predictable system.

> The education system provides fairly clear and predictable paths to affirmation, success, and a sort of grade based people ranking system. > Life outside that system often very much does not. Work does. There are salaries, titles, a hierarchical structure. Plenty of people get sucked into the cycle of wanting "just a little more" salary, recognition, promotions, reports. Not very different from a videogame addictio…

Succeeding at work is often way more nebulous than succeeding in school. School is entirely based on tests and homework with transparent grading systems and syllabi.

Work is so much more relationship-based. It's not just about doing what your told, but also about collaborating and communicating and leveraging a network, mentoring peers, and generally getting things done for which there is no clear path.

I always felt "leadership" was a meaningless buzzword in school (especially since it had no impact on grades), but now that I'm working I can see it's a real valuable skill and essential to motivating others to do good work.

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