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I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

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Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#61

Post by LocalPCGuy »

dougmwne wrote: post #24

I think the central problem here is not asking more of gifted people during early school years. I was pretty disengaged with school before college. It just wasn't challenging enough in the right kinds of ways. I flourished when I got to college since I was finally in an environment with unlimited challenge and rewards. I learned to set my own standards for achievement and be less worried about how I would be judged e…

As someone who was put into "additional classes" because of being labeled gifted, asking them to do more work isn't always the right answer. I felt like it was a punishment, basically more (boring) school work, and (as a kid) the best way to deal with that was to disengage further.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#62

Post by turk73 »

augustl wrote: post #52
easymodex wrote: post #27

This is very familiar to me. In college I often procrastinated until 3 days before an exam and only then opened the books. I didn't have the best grades because I made a conscious effort to get through with as little work as possible. I felt good about it as other classmates were studying for weeks before. Unfortunately I spent a lot of that free time playing video games. It was fun but i could've achieved way more.…

> Unfortunately I spent a lot of that free time playing video games. It was fun but i could've achieved way more. I'm currently beta testing a new optimization - I'm only allowed to play WoW Classic after my todo-list is done. One if the items on the todo-list is "do something productive for 30 minutes" (and currently, there's no shortage of things to fill those 30 minutes with). Maybe I can use the extreme gravitati…

You should throw out all the games. I'm serious. I never really began to succeed until I stopped playing stupid games and became a man. Now I'm managing younger guys who can't put down the controller. Last fall I had to fire someone who was clearly staying up all night playing video games and was never prepared for work nor doing an adequate job at it. Sadly, his own sense of privilege prevented him from being able to even comprehend why we were firing him. He was falling asleep in meetings every day and the code he was turning in was not only sub-standard, but often just non-existent.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#63

Post by onorton »

Hendrikto wrote: post #42

> my husband, young son and I were living in my parents’ house. How big is her parent‘s house?

Presumably if it's the same house she grew up in, there are probably spare rooms if she had siblings that moved out. Also her and her husband probably shared a room.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#64

Post by chrisweekly »

RickJWagner wrote: post #35

Being born intelligent is only part of the equation. It takes hard work and a little luck, too. The world is filled with successful people of less-than-average intelligence who simply work hard and are in the right place. On the other side of the coin, there are many highly intelligent people who never find satisfaction or material success. The game is made up of many aspects. We do best when we don't ignore any of t…

Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.

- Coolidge

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#65

Post by ivanhoe »

The problem with being gifted is that you get used to doing everything effortlessly in school, and then with a little luck you end up on a top-notch University - and all of the sudden you're surrounded by people just as smart or smarter than you, and also more motivated and more ambitious, professors' standards are much higher and you're just not used to working hard. And on top of all that, there's family and peer pressure and expectations, to add to the stress. It sucks, and the only way around is to push gifted kids to work harder when young, giving them special, harder curriculums, forcing them to acquire self-discipline early on, when it's easier...

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#66

Post by gpvos »

RickJWagner wrote: post #35

Being born intelligent is only part of the equation. It takes hard work and a little luck, too. The world is filled with successful people of less-than-average intelligence who simply work hard and are in the right place. On the other side of the coin, there are many highly intelligent people who never find satisfaction or material success. The game is made up of many aspects. We do best when we don't ignore any of t…

I always say there's a difference between intelligent and clever, the latter meaning that you know how to use your intelligence to make the things happen that you want.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#67

Post by nostalgk »

I really think the gifted program, at least as it was implemented in my schools, is a complete sham. After being able to easily pass multiplication tables and multiple choice tests in 5th grade, I was placed into 8th grade math; pre-algebra. I took pre-algebra 3 times in middle school, never once taking any of the fundamental math classes below it, and as a result never developed the important math skills I needed, something that has caused me to struggle throughout my entire software development career (I don't even know how to do long division!).

My personal solution would be to keep kids in the normal classes, but allow them to opt-in to more challenging course work if they feel they are not being challenged (with the ability to take a step back if they need it). I think the middle school age is the most important time to push this, where grades (at least in my case) aren't exactly the most important thing in the world and aren't a clear determinator of future success (i.e. affecting university admissions).

I don't have kids right now, but if I do, I am not letting them skip ahead on mathematic courses during their foundational years. I'm lucky that I've had the drive to succeed regardless of my inability to pass even the first Calculus class in college, but it's been a huge demotivator in a field full of passionate mathematicians who are my peers.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#68

Post by ryanjshaw »

Gikoskos wrote: post #23
S_A_P wrote: post #17

One of the first articles I remember reading on HN was back in 2009. The gist of the article was that you shouldn’t praise your kids for being smart, praise them when they work hard. Rewarding hard work will better serve them in the long run since being smart will plateau at some point. I have a 9 and 11 year old and I still bristle a little bit when my mom says y’all are so smart.

Can you find this article and post it please? I have to show it to someone

Try searching for the "Pygmalion Effect on children ", it covers the general principle. (I suggest ignoring the Wikipedia article as it is very narrowly focused.)

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#69

Post by H1Supreme »

david-gpu wrote: post #44
duxup wrote: post #18

The education system provides fairly clear and predictable paths to affirmation, success, and a sort of grade based people ranking system. Life outside that system often very much does not. Everyone has to come to terms with it at some point. I can understand how for someone who school makes a strong impression on them it can be a real struggle without what was such a clear and predictable system.

> The education system provides fairly clear and predictable paths to affirmation, success, and a sort of grade based people ranking system. > Life outside that system often very much does not. Work does. There are salaries, titles, a hierarchical structure. Plenty of people get sucked into the cycle of wanting "just a little more" salary, recognition, promotions, reports. Not very different from a videogame addictio…

Yes, but salaries, titles, etc. do not necessarily correlate with performance. Nepotism, "CEO is friends with my dad", and other factors completely unrelated to performance are often the source of those things.

Good grades, generally speaking, are immune to any such influence.

Re: I Grew Up Gifted, but My Life Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

#70

Post by wickoff »

I think that the standards the author is judging herself by are messed up and harmful.

She is healthy, married, is raising a child, is an educator, presumably has a good standing within her community. She checks like 9 out of 10 boxes you can judge a human by and yet it's still not enough. What the hell?

Does everybody have to excel now? Everybody has to be a millionaire, own a company, be a scientist, athlete or an entertainer. How is are those standards sustainable? If everybody excels the nobody does. If everyone is a boss then nobody has employees.

What effect does this drive for perfectionism has on brains that evolved to be satisfied with having enough food, having shelter and basic social approval. No wonder the rates of depression are rising among young people.

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