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Ask HN: Coping when your client is an asshole?

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Re: Ask HN: Coping when your client is an asshole?

#41

Post by jacquesm »

badpun wrote: post #32
JamesBarney wrote: post #6

Firstly how are they assholes. Some people will smile and nod and gather evidence to get you fired. Some will scream and yell all the time but when push comes to shove will act honorably and go to bat for you. Others are just looking to pin as much stuff on you in order to the cya game. Also figure out why they're assholes if possible. The solutions are very different if they're assholes because they're boss is an as…

Hey, I love your asshole matrix! Should be taught at some kind of dark MBA school.

> Should be taught at some kind of dark MBA school.

Isn't that the bulk of them?

Re: Ask HN: Coping when your client is an asshole?

#42

Post by gbersac »

jacquesm wrote: post #37

Take it to the top. Have the CEO of your company sit down with the CEO of their company and get it all straightened out. Since you've already decided they are on the way out as a customer as soon as your company can support itself there is nothing to lose. Also, this didn't happen overnight and if someone - anyone - on your side would have set this client straight when they first crossed the lines it would have never…

It's easy to say, but if you begin, it is very difficult to do.

Re: Ask HN: Coping when your client is an asshole?

#43

Post by dt_rsp »

jmalicki wrote: post #11

There's literally a whole book by a Stanford biz school professor about this exact subject. One of my pet favorite tips: pretend you're a research psychologist observing a patient with a rare mental disorder (doesn't solve all of the problems, but at least helps to cope). https://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Survival-Guide-People-Treat/d...

Timely. From today:

http://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/life-tip

Re: Ask HN: Coping when your client is an asshole?

#44

Post by gbersac »

fergie wrote: post #10

Sadly, this is a pretty typical scenario in consulting. In my own experience, the best and ultimately only thing to do is to be a gentleman as long as you can, and then to walk away once a clients behavior becomes abusive. You don't say what level your client is in their organisation. If, (as is generally the case with ineffective managers), they themselves have a boss, one of the best ways to address abusive behavio…

I've seen multiple shitty IT contracting firms failing projects over and over and still get contracts.

Re: Ask HN: Coping when your client is an asshole?

#45

Post by omginternets »

jmalicki wrote: post #11

There's literally a whole book by a Stanford biz school professor about this exact subject. One of my pet favorite tips: pretend you're a research psychologist observing a patient with a rare mental disorder (doesn't solve all of the problems, but at least helps to cope). https://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Survival-Guide-People-Treat/d...

>One of my pet favorite tips: pretend you're a research psychologist observing a patient with a rare mental disorder

I do this a lot, and can vouch for the general approach.

A tip from the trenches. When faced with bizarre and disturbing behavior, clinical psychologists will often verbalize the behavior they're currently witnessing. It's a way of helping the patient realize that their behavior is abnormal without moralizing or recoiling in horror.

Hence the pro-tip. Instead of getting indignant, just say something like "You're suggesting I actively undermined the project" or "you're smearing your own excrement on the wall".

Re: Ask HN: Coping when your client is an asshole?

#46

Post by jacquesm »

gbersac wrote: post #42
jacquesm wrote: post #37

Take it to the top. Have the CEO of your company sit down with the CEO of their company and get it all straightened out. Since you've already decided they are on the way out as a customer as soon as your company can support itself there is nothing to lose. Also, this didn't happen overnight and if someone - anyone - on your side would have set this client straight when they first crossed the lines it would have never…

It's easy to say, but if you begin, it is very difficult to do.

Oh, absolutely. Most of this stuff happened early on in my career, people still try - rarely - but when they find out they can't make it stick it actually earns you some weird kind of respect.

I've made a simple decision: my first responsibility is to the crew and their dependents, clients second.

Re: Ask HN: Coping when your client is an asshole?

#48

Post by mattoxic »

logari wrote: post #13

My take on this is, often a problem is not itself: the symptom your client displays has a foundational problem elsewhere, which causes them to behave like this not only towards you but probably with most other people. So first, you need to be aware that it is not you, it is them and let them know it indirectly. How? I read a great advice once that if you "dont react, you will not overreact". The flood gates of pent u…

fantastic advice

Re: Ask HN: Coping when your client is an asshole?

#49

Post by davidg109 »

I’m surprised by some of the responses on here. You don’t have to take this shit. Your client is a bully.

Log everything, inform your management you will not be bullied, and in a professional tone, parrot each assholish thing your client says.

If they remain unmoved, tell them upfront this is abusive behavior and it ends now. This will either stop them in their tracks or you will eventually be fired. That’s when you consult a lawyer.

I called out two executives in my workplace for similar shit. I was prepared to be fired. Instead the abusive behavior ended immediately.

Re: Ask HN: Coping when your client is an asshole?

#50

Post by noir_lord »

jmalicki wrote: post #11

There's literally a whole book by a Stanford biz school professor about this exact subject. One of my pet favorite tips: pretend you're a research psychologist observing a patient with a rare mental disorder (doesn't solve all of the problems, but at least helps to cope). https://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Survival-Guide-People-Treat/d...

My partner works in a total cluster fuck of an office with some horrible people (she won't quit without another job even though I offered to cover her while she finds work) so I told her to treat her office like she was David Attenborough narrating a documentary.

"And here we find the Donna in its natural habitat, scientists where surprised to discover the Donna can eat its own weight in fried chicken every week" that kind of thing.

If she's have a bad week I send her narration to make her laugh.

It sucks watching someone you care about get ground down though.

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