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Self-distancing can help you make better decisions

effectiviology.com

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Re: Self-distancing can help you make better decisions

#71

Post by afarrell »

logicchains wrote: post #61
lame88 wrote: post #53

Wow. This is something I’ll probably remember for quite some time. It’s intuitive and immediately applicable, and also a dose of awareness I’ve needed recently. However, there’s a catch to this. By distancing yourself like this, it seems like you may act quite rationally - but perhaps too locally rational. You may be a long time Java programmer and just feel incredibly unfulfilled about your day to day work, and you…

Also applies to relationships: self-distancing/meditation can allow you to tolerate a lot of things that maybe you'd be better off not having to tolerate in the first place, and keep you from leaving a bad situation.

As the sibling comment by isacikgoz points out, it can also give you time to notice emotions which you might have otherwise suppressed. The challenge is to find a technique which lets you do that without becoming overwhelmed by the multitude of possible interpretations of your situation.

Some people find that journalling helps.

I find that one technique which works well for me is when I can talk with a friend who is very good at a particular type of listening, where they ask calm questions to draw out your thoughts and more concisely restate your thoughts back to you.

Re: Self-distancing can help you make better decisions

#72

Post by afarrell »

teddyh wrote: post #56
manigandham wrote: post #20

This is called "detachment" in many areas of leadership like the military. I'm sure everyone has personally experienced this, for example when giving advice to others. It's usually very rational and practical because you're not personally and emotionally invested in the events of their life.

“ We’re all scared. You hid in that ditch because you think there’s still hope. But Blithe, the only hope you have is to accept the fact that you’re already dead. And the sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll be able to function as a soldier is supposed to function. Without mercy. Without compassion. Without remorse. All war depends upon it. ” — Speirs, Band of Brothers (2001)

If you don’t have a need to, I’m not sure that its useful or healthy to adopt coping mechanisms that people use to endure the most traumatic experiences possible.

Re: Self-distancing can help you make better decisions

#73

Post by HappyDreamer »

lame88 wrote: post #53

Wow. This is something I’ll probably remember for quite some time. It’s intuitive and immediately applicable, and also a dose of awareness I’ve needed recently. However, there’s a catch to this. By distancing yourself like this, it seems like you may act quite rationally - but perhaps too locally rational. You may be a long time Java programmer and just feel incredibly unfulfilled about your day to day work, and you…

> the more you distance yourself, the less risk you tolerate

The opposite, for me. My logical distanced reasoning tells me to go far away to a country where I know no one, see how it is like to live there, find new friends and colleagues and maybe live there.

Whilst my feelings / intuition? about this makes me anxious and I'd rather stay at home, in "safety".

Turns out in this case, the logic distanced reasoning was right, for me.

Re: Self-distancing can help you make better decisions

#74

Post by serpi »

Conjoiner wrote: post #58
Auready wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

According to Buddhism there is no true self.

According to Buddhism, is there truth that a self can hold?

No. The separate self is an illusion and can not truly know anything. Only I am is known.

Re: Self-distancing can help you make better decisions

#75

Post by lifeisstillgood »

gingabriska wrote: post #67
torstenvl wrote: post #15

Robert Sapolsky touches on this when discussing the effects of glucocorticoids on the prefrontal cortex. A stressed PFC is not an executive functioning PFC. When we're too close to an issue, we process with our periaqueductal gray (key in pain inhibition) and not with the part of our brain more adept at strategizing. These stress effects on frontal function also make us perseverative—in a rut, set in our ways, runnin…

So those who opt in for parasitic payday loans are doing so under stress, can we say they opt for that loan in similar conditions like you are influenced by alcohol and therefore the contracts are invalid? Many people have ruined themselves with such contracts and it's understood that they had full awareness of what they are getting into and that's why they are liable for all the losses.

A different view is perhaps that there is a system between the individual and the rest of society - there is a line where a person is clearly not of sound mind so cannot be taken advantage of, but then there is another area where the person is of sound mind but it is not in society's interest to allow them to be taken advantage of.

I often find that when (right wing) people say they want to push regulation back they sort of mean the point of "individual sound mind" but we as a society all benefit more when exploitation is prevented in that other grey area of "what benefits us all"

That grey area not only includes preventing usury but immunisation and education and sewage plants.

Re: Self-distancing can help you make better decisions

#76

Post by serpi »

fwip wrote: post #42
hsitz wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, this does seem like it's closely related to a habit you develop through meditation. However, the "self-distancing" seems worse to me than meditation, since it seems to advocate taking a distance from the "true self" of feelings and thoughts. Meditation encourages the [better]route of recognizing that feelings and thoughts are not parts of your true self at all.

What do think is your true self, if not feelings or thoughts?

Search this source of emotion and thought. Who is it that experiences it. The answer can not come from the mind since what you perceive can not be you. This is self enquiry and can lead to revelations.

Re: Self-distancing can help you make better decisions

#77

Post by revskill »

I used to do that. But people are dangerous, they just want to take benefit of others. So in some cases, if you self-distant, you won't see what could affect you, as outsiders are just outsiders.

A balance is needed, self-distant is not enough to deal with people.

Re: Self-distancing can help you make better decisions

#78

Post by elevenoh »

TN1ck wrote: post #6

I always imagine myself in a movie. What would I want the protagonist to do? Usually leads me to be more outgoing and not staying at home.

>leads me to be more outgoing and not staying at home.

Leads me to be more impact & big picture driven, less ego zero sum bullshit.

Re: Self-distancing can help you make better decisions

#79

Post by pacifika »

dominotw wrote: post #21
derefr wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One of the goals of mindfulness meditation is the "realization" that your stream of consciousness—the output of the "self who is analyzing the event"—is essentially just a sensory stimulus like any other. There is an agent in your head, thinking—an agent you have raised and constantly train and identify with very much, sure—but then there is you, separately, observing that thinking coming out of that agent. You, the…

> you don't have to identify with the thoughts coming out of the thinking-agent, I really have hard time with this . What is the difference between thinking and perceiving agents. Both entities are doing thinking and perceiving. One seems to be passing some sort of value judgement on the other self. Why would some thoughts be "invalid". They are coming out of you for a reason, why should those reasons be ignored. How…

Something that happens in daily life can invoke emotions but it doesn’t mean one has to react with an immediate emotional response. Instead accept the input for what it is and choose how to act on it.

It’s rational versus emotional

Re: Self-distancing can help you make better decisions

#80

Post by LeonB »

namanyayg wrote: post #49
LeonB wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There can be at least two selfs very easily. There is me, the wise guy who set the alarm so I can wake up early tomorrow and is distinct from the lazy me who won’t wake up the next morning. Then there is me, the nice guy who deserves to sleep in this morning and is distinct from the malicious beast who set the damn alarm last night and is intent on ruining my morning. Completely different people.

I completely concur with dual-think/multiple selves, but your example talks about two different selves at two different _times_, not at once as OP assumes.

It’s really system 1 and system 2 fighting, the temporal aspect just makes the drama more striking.
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