It really helps to make friends who can talk about their flaws. By being open about the things you’re working on, you make it acceptable to be imperfect and then you won’t be so nervous about someone finding something unlikable about you. They definitely will, but that doesn’t matter. You are a good person, who has the potential for a huge net positive impact on the world, if you harness your potential. Check out some of Jordan Peterson’s interviews on Joe Rogan, he has a lot of good stuff to say about how to get your life into a shape you’re happy with.
Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?
91–100 of 172 posts
Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?
#92If you think that you are lucky to have good friends and helpful colleagues, maybe turn it around and think to yourself - they are lucky to have me!
Personally, I consider people who are humble or even low self-esteem as more interesting. Maybe it even correlates with intelligence? Idk, but the fact that you might feel like you lack confidence can actually make you look more interesting to people.
I know many people (including me) who try to minimize contact with with over-confident people when possible.
Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?
#93I've read a couple dozen self-help books over the last few years. This one changed my mindset more deeply than any other:
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25692561-how-to-be-an-im...
I went from being "socially awkward, and I feel awkward about it" to "socially awkward, but that's OK" largely because of this book.
Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?
#94Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is evidence based and has reasonably good effectiveness - about 60% of people going through it experience good recovery. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-... One good thing about it is that it only lasts about 12 to 16 weeks. Find someone with qualifications, experience, and a registration. Check the pricing over 21 weeks (this is the maximum you'd possibly use,…
Not OP, but I have been thinking of starting CBT since a couple of months. I have never done therapy before and I feel pretty intimidated to just go to a therapist. How do you know if the therapist is right for you? Also, do you have any experience with app based therapists where you talk over the phone?
Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?
#95There are many forms of confidence. For instance, you are confident in your ability to program and so you program more efficiently than say.. someone like me, who is less confident in their programming abilities. So the question you should be asking yourself is: how did you become so confident at programming? I would be willing to bet that practice is the answer. The same is true for social confidence, you need practice. You need to fail so that you can learn. You need to push boundary's so that you can navigate them better in the future.
I would suggest you go join a bowling, golfing or pool league of some kind. Practice interacting with people in an environment where you can be comfortable making a fool of yourself knowing you don't have to come back the next day. I wouldn't suggest attempting to make a fool of yourself, but in the event you do (because you are pushing boundary's) you won't have to worry about it because you don't HAVE to go bowling again next week. So, my advice, practice practice practice.
Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?
#96All the posts below ignored one huge thing. I'm going to provide a list of actions that transformed my life when I was 19 and solved the problems you mentioned. How? These habits increased my confidence, calmed my mind, and increased self-awareness. Habits & systems are everything. Number 1 is the MOST important and is paramount. None of the rest will work without it: 1. https://www.reddit.com/r/nofap . Don't dismiss…
What profession do you operate in?
Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?
#97All the posts below ignored one huge thing. I'm going to provide a list of actions that transformed my life when I was 19 and solved the problems you mentioned. How? These habits increased my confidence, calmed my mind, and increased self-awareness. Habits & systems are everything. Number 1 is the MOST important and is paramount. None of the rest will work without it: 1. https://www.reddit.com/r/nofap . Don't dismiss…
What profession do you operate in?
I'm a Machine Learning Engineer for a healthcare startup in Toronto. Just finished my MSc in CS.
Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?
#98Confidence comes with competence. Talking to others gets easier the more you do it, so take some initiative to get out of your comfort zone. Breathe deeply and bear in mind that whatever you might deem "awkward" is usually blown out of proportion from your perspective. If others hang out with you, they like you fine. Your inner voice is much, much harsher.
Would do wonders to join a sport also.
I've been the awkward introverted socially anxious guy, from me teens through early 20s. Being a hermit won't do you any favors. In school, capitalize on opportunities to go out with others, do fun activities, etc.
The solution to better socializing is socializing. Let yourself make mistakes. They will quickly dwindle in occurrence.
Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?
#99I've struggled with self confidence my entire life. In an effort to change and grow I've read all the major self help books, developed a serious meditation habit, and even turned to potent psychedelics.
The only thing that I found that actually works, however, is internal family systems therapy. Because of IFS (and my therapist) I now know what it's like to be genuinely confident, rather than fighting or pretending to be.
Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?
#100Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is evidence based and has reasonably good effectiveness - about 60% of people going through it experience good recovery. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-... One good thing about it is that it only lasts about 12 to 16 weeks. Find someone with qualifications, experience, and a registration. Check the pricing over 21 weeks (this is the maximum you'd possibly use,…
Not OP, but I have been thinking of starting CBT since a couple of months. I have never done therapy before and I feel pretty intimidated to just go to a therapist. How do you know if the therapist is right for you? Also, do you have any experience with app based therapists where you talk over the phone?
Hi!
It is anxiety proviking because it's a weird situation that we just don't get much experience of.
I've had two rounds of CBT in England. The first was called "low intensity" -- this was group work, and the sessions were ruin by two therapists but they changed about halfway through. It ran for 6 weeks. I didn't find that much use.
Later I had "high intensity" CBT, which was one to one and face to face with an experienced therapist.
Things I found useful: she listened to me; she correctly identified the things that I felt were a problem that I wanted to work on; she changed some of her wa of working to fit me. (I hate the phone, so she used email to contact me if needed, which doesn't sound like much but it can be really tricky to get NHS people to email patients).
I don't have experience with phone based therapy, but I do know it's used in the English NHS so there must be some evidence it works somewhere.
I really hope that you give it a go, and that it makes a difference!