I don't know that the world really needs more confident people.
The problem is that confidence is rarely correlated to competence. Smart people are often in self doubt because they know what they don't know.
Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?
21–30 of 172 posts
Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?
#22You need a mentor/coach. Find a good one.
Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?
#23As many others here, I have been (and in some ways still am) in the same situation myself.
My advice, find something else to do in your spare time. Many people recommend excersise. Remember, excersise doesn't have too be going to a gym, or going jogging. There are plenty of activities that will give you a good workout as a bonus. Personally, I like chopping wood.
Also, if you are able to, try to take a little longer lunch breaks and spend the extra time doing non-work related stuff. Outside if you can.
Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?
#24Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is evidence based and has reasonably good effectiveness - about 60% of people going through it experience good recovery.
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-...
One good thing about it is that it only lasts about 12 to 16 weeks.
Find someone with qualifications, experience, and a registration. Check the pricing over 21 weeks (this is the maximum you'd possibly use, but you're likely to use fewer lessons.) Then book in. Don't be afraid to change therapist if the one you have is terrible.
The first session will talk about the CBT model, and ask you what you want to achieve, and talk about confidentiality and payment.
You'll need to be able to identify emotions and hot thoughts, but the therapy should help you with that.
EDIT: a lot of people are recommending exercise. It's important to exercise for your physical health. The evidence for benefits to mental health is somewhat weaker, and we've only recently started getting good quality evidence that it works. For you it may work, it may not, and it's probably not going to hurt to try unless the failure of exercise to lift your mood is going to feed into negative thinking.
Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?
#25Kettlebells + running or rowing. You can watch stuff if you do kettlebells and rowing at home (Water Rower rocks). Exercise 5 days a week. It’s hard at first, but after a couple of weeks it’s easy.
Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?
#26For me it was exercise + getting outside and interacting with different people more + not tying all of my esteem to work + doing some sort of challenge every day (exercise when I would rather not, go out and socialize when I would rather not, clean something, learn something, talk about something, etc.).
My self esteem has increased a lot, but I am still not there 100%.
Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?
#27[deleted]
Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?
#28Spend time to master something. Genuine confidence comes from a sense of empowerment (not entitlement).
Not at all. That is false confidence! Tying confidence and self-esteem to abilities or possessions is called dependence.
Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?
#29Write down what you’ve achieved every day, and occasionally look over what you have accomplished.
Sometimes I wonder what I’ve done with myself over the last few years, but then I look at the size of the text file I produced that way and realise that I averaged over ten tasks per day last year.
Reminding yourself what you’ve done makes it easier to discuss what you’ve done.
Re: Ask HN: Low self confidence and self esteem. How to improve?
#30Lifting is good advice.
Try to stop caring as much. Books like 'the subtle art of not giving a fck' may help. If you find something start to bother you, remind yourself that ultimately it doesn't really matter and that while you'd like to succeed, you don't have* to, so take some of the pressure off yourself.