I had eight years of therapy and it totally transformed my life, it was rather odd but it was only when my therapist and I started using dreams in non-traditional way (as set out here https://psyarxiv.com/k6trz) that things started to rapidly improve.
A little discussed effect of therapy: it changes personality (2017)
51–60 of 110 posts
Re: A little discussed effect of therapy: it changes personality (2017)
#52Earlier quoted context omitted.
"can you ever truly not be you" It's a question of degree. There's a clear line from me yesterday to me today, with a massive amount of similarity. I'm comfortable about my wants and needs and how my life is set up, because the "me"s of the past set things up, and I'm similar enough to them to fit into the niche they worked on. That personality can change over time - I'm not who I was when I was 20, and I'll be diffe…
> it would be the instant death of one personality and their replacement by a different one. And that feels very uncomfortable to people. That's a salient observation, but it's a definitely a curious aversion and possibly linked to a similar underlying thought pattern that "growth mindset" vs "fixed mindset" tries to capture: Notions like "I can become more confident in everything I do" and "I can learn to be better…
I guess it depends on how core you view certain parts of your personality as being.
If "you" is "an introvert who isn't good with people", then "learning to be good with people" must be some kind of faking it. Rather than a change in view/approach which actually makes you like people and not be afraid of them.
Re: A little discussed effect of therapy: it changes personality (2017)
#53This is true. In my experience you are literally learning how to grow "new selves".
Re: A little discussed effect of therapy: it changes personality (2017)
#54I've changed my personality a few times. Twice purposefully, that I know of. First time, having exhausted all other ideas for improvement, I decided to fake being happy, using ridiculously positive words for every situation. "How are you today?" "Phenomenal!" While initially it was kinda sarcastic, at some point it became sincere. Roughly three years later, I woke up one day said "Phenomenal!" to myself, and was surp…
>> I met thousands of people. And, frankly, in the aftermath, the experience completely converted from an extrovert into an introvert. That's interesting. Could you please share more ?
I'm still trying to understand it myself.
There's definitely the bits about socializing being taxing (introvert) or energizing (extrovert). Maybe that's just aging and slowing down.
But a huge component is becoming very transactional, jealously guarding my time and attention (both rapidly diminishing resources). Having become best friends with 100s of people and then becoming yesterday's news after my defeat, my calculus changed. What does this person want? Is this interaction worth my time?
At the same time, I've become very nice and polite. I strive to reduce my social footprint, never be the problem customer, be ever patient, be unremarkable. And maybe provide some cheer, or positivity, or respite, to most everyone I meet. But now it's anonymous. I almost never share my name. I hope the person quickly forgets me.
(Note: In person. My online persona is still a troll, but I'm trying to change.)
--
The aspect I'm still chewing on is "social availability". Like openness vs aloofness. It's a weird thing. I used to be the most approachable person. Spontaneous conversations. People sharing the weirdest most intimate stuff about themselves. Always being asked for directions by strangers. Having children and dogs crawl all over me. It was unsolicited and unavoidable.
Now I can turn that off.
You may have experienced the difference while traveling vs commuting to work. Visiting somewhere new, everything's stimulating, you're trying to take it all it, you have certain openness, you recognize the openness in others, maybe you're more flirtatious. But during your commute, routine settles in, you develop tunnel vision, avoid eye contact, face goes slack / neutral / hard, become avoidant so the panhandlers and other people striving to get your attention just become part of the background noise.
--
I'm also trying to be a better friend to my besties. Concentrated friendship equity vs spread out.
Lastly, things change. Having cared for my grandparents and now parents, watching how they've pulled themselves in, it's a sad thing to survive all your contemporaries. Whoever said "it's better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all" was full of shit.
Re: A little discussed effect of therapy: it changes personality (2017)
#55Earlier quoted context omitted.
As someone who suffers from depression and has gone to therapy for over 5 years (I am also on medication), please try and force yourself to go. It will most likely change your life for the better, if not, what have you wasted? A bit of money and a few hours of your time? It could make you better at dealing with your depression and, as a consequence, make you feel happier. You might need to try a few different therapi…
Do you think it was necessary to go through this process with a therapist, or could a less expensive alternative have had the same effect?
The evidence is fairly clear - reading self-help books or using an internet-based CBT programme is similarly effective to in-person psychotherapy. That doesn't mean that these approaches will be effective for you, but they're viable treatment options that are vastly more accessible. I'd still suggest trying in-person therapy if it's available to you, but don't be disheartened if that isn't an option - there's no evidence to suggest that self-help is significantly inferior to therapy.
Re: A little discussed effect of therapy: it changes personality (2017)
#56Earlier quoted context omitted.
Thank you for sharing. Sincerely curious what you mean by "A bit of money". I'm lucky that I didn't have to have therapy. My guess is unless your insurance/job covers mental health, it's at least $50/hour (closer to $100 or $150 if in a major city). Surely not much for the possible benefits (and on a developer salary), but I'm wondering how expensive such services are.
In the UK you can get therapy on the NHS, but it's mostly CBT and not for any extended period. Psychotherapy, which is what is what most people need with long term mental health issues (like myself) is mostly private. You can pay anything from £50-150 p.h In the US, I'm not sure.
The NHS also offers a range of other talking therapies /counselling, e.g. counselling for depression. The waiting times here can be shorter than for CBT.
If you're in dire need for help (depends on your scores and initial phone interview), you will be seen or referred quickly (within less than a month).
Any GP will refer you. If you need help with your mental health, just ask your GP for a referral, fill out the form and you will get help. It's a great system. (Did I mention that this doesn't cost anything?)
For long-term psychotherapy, you need to go private, but in many cases, a short-term intervention (e.g. over 12 weeks) is sufficient to get you through the worst and on the right track.
Re: A little discussed effect of therapy: it changes personality (2017)
#57What even is "personality" - leaving aside technical and dictionary definitions, if you --the person-- are the sum of your life experiences, can you ever truly not be you? I pose this because I encounter resistance from people to the notion that they can change themselves, lest they lose some notion of their "self", and personality is often equated with "self" from my experience.
I was deeply influenced by Marvin Minsky's Society of the Mind as a kid.
That along with my readings in Zen, Taoism, Buddhism, and the notion of paradoxes, I gave up trying to precisely define who I am and accept that it's contextual.
(Also Shakespeare's "All the world is a stage" and Ministry's "(Every day is) Halloween". Life is performance art. We're all wearing costumes.)
Just try to keep your different personas (son, father, coworker, lover, frat brother, gamer geek) separate in real life.
Re: A little discussed effect of therapy: it changes personality (2017)
#58Earlier quoted context omitted.
As someone who suffers from depression and has gone to therapy for over 5 years (I am also on medication), please try and force yourself to go. It will most likely change your life for the better, if not, what have you wasted? A bit of money and a few hours of your time? It could make you better at dealing with your depression and, as a consequence, make you feel happier. You might need to try a few different therapi…
Thank you for sharing. Sincerely curious what you mean by "A bit of money". I'm lucky that I didn't have to have therapy. My guess is unless your insurance/job covers mental health, it's at least $50/hour (closer to $100 or $150 if in a major city). Surely not much for the possible benefits (and on a developer salary), but I'm wondering how expensive such services are.
Recently went canvassing myself. In NYC it ranges from 50-350/hr depending on who you're talking with and their exact licensing. Licensed psychologists will be more expensive than licensed mental health workers or counselors. Psychiatrists are the most expensive. However, depending on your level of therapy needed, online can be much cheaper.
Re: A little discussed effect of therapy: it changes personality (2017)
#59I would like to link to a my old post here regarding this very topic (even if the original comment was about something else): https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13498424#13498462
That's worth a repost. Jodorowsky, suffering, identity. Just from your summary, that sounds spot on. Added to my reading list. Thanks.
Re: A little discussed effect of therapy: it changes personality (2017)
#60Earlier quoted context omitted.
As someone who suffers from depression and has gone to therapy for over 5 years (I am also on medication), please try and force yourself to go. It will most likely change your life for the better, if not, what have you wasted? A bit of money and a few hours of your time? It could make you better at dealing with your depression and, as a consequence, make you feel happier. You might need to try a few different therapi…
Thank you for sharing. Sincerely curious what you mean by "A bit of money". I'm lucky that I didn't have to have therapy. My guess is unless your insurance/job covers mental health, it's at least $50/hour (closer to $100 or $150 if in a major city). Surely not much for the possible benefits (and on a developer salary), but I'm wondering how expensive such services are.
From a US perspective, many therapists have a sliding scale based on income. "A bit of money" is the best description for it, as it won't be free but should never break the bank either.