31–40 of 101 posts
It is best if that decision is well-made. Related to courtship and marriage, I have put many thoughts here (based on experience, research and lots of observation): http://lukecall.net/ (under "Life Lessons").
This really doesn't relate too much, but I've realized over time that I'm essentially in love with one of my best friends (of the opposite gender). We've been friends for 10 years, and just spending time around her makes me feel so relaxed and satisfied with life, it's a unique feeling to someone like me who hasn't been in much of a relationship so far in my life. I'm able to maintain a good friendship despite this,…
Love is when you see a very flawed individual and someone with a bad past and behaviors. And you are hopeful for them because of their potential and changed outlook.
Love is seeing them with a significant other and knowing that you have zero chance of ever being with them, because of circumstances or past events, and yet would do anything and everything for that person. And you have done that, giving up all money/time, and taking in personal pains, just so you can see a smile, or knowing they are in a better place.
Love is for an individual totally unrelated to you, isn’t an obligation (family members) or part of lust.
Love is knowing that they will be alright at the end of the day. And you shared something special with them. And if you don’t see them for the next 50 years, you would hope for their happiness every day.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
The GP was making a distinction regarding the application of the quality of unconditional to romantic love. At the minimum , if there's lust involved, it's by definition not unconditional. You snarkily leave me to parsing adjectives all the while triumphing your definition of true love over others. One can accept the notion of 'true (romantic) love' but pretending its unconditional is lying about facts. I'd also argu…
> If there's lust involved, it's by definition not unconditional Can you elaborate on this?
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I used to think that. Until I met my true love. Hope you get to experience it some day. 23+ years of embarrassingly romantic, lustful, sacrificial, unconditional straight-out-of-a-Shakespearean-sonnet divine true love. There is such a thing. Rare. But it does exist.
It's not unconditional if it's also lustful.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Ha. I'll leave it to you to parse adjectives. All I'm saying to the delightfully Spock-ian logical HN poster is that all the cynicsm and scientific Mumbo-jumbo about endorphines and the like vanish upon laying eyes on your soul-mate. I could never convince you of true love. I don't mean to even try. I hope you have the distinct pleasure and privilege of discovering it for yourself.
The GP was making a distinction regarding the application of the quality of unconditional to romantic love. At the minimum , if there's lust involved, it's by definition not unconditional. You snarkily leave me to parsing adjectives all the while triumphing your definition of true love over others. One can accept the notion of 'true (romantic) love' but pretending its unconditional is lying about facts. I'd also argu…
Yes. An expectation of unconditional love is often abusive. It often boils down to expecting slavery and servitude from another person.
I was a full-time mom for nearly two decades. A lot of people seem to expect unconditional motherly love from me while they don't give a rat's ass about my welfare or do a fucking thing for me. My actual biological children treat me very well.
I think of actual love as symbiotic. It enhances the lived of both parties. This is a highly conditional definition.
"Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them."
Steve Martin
If it's not a "Hell yes!", it's a "No".
I realised things were not good between me and my SO one day at the beach. I was there alone, kitesurfing. When I got out of the sea I met a guy and we chatted for a while, shooting the shit, having a laugh, poking fun at each others home made hydrofoil kiteboards.
Then his wife pulled up in her car and ran down the beach to kiss him. All excited. She forgot to close her car door.
My SO doesn't look at me like that. I think for my SO it isn't 'hell yes' I think she settled for 'this will do'
Earlier quoted context omitted.
The GP was making a distinction regarding the application of the quality of unconditional to romantic love. At the minimum , if there's lust involved, it's by definition not unconditional. You snarkily leave me to parsing adjectives all the while triumphing your definition of true love over others. One can accept the notion of 'true (romantic) love' but pretending its unconditional is lying about facts. I'd also argu…
I'd also argue that even parental love and the love for the offspring is not unconditional either: you love them because they are your parents, or your children. Yes. An expectation of unconditional love is often abusive. It often boils down to expecting slavery and servitude from another person. I was a full-time mom for nearly two decades. A lot of people seem to expect unconditional motherly love from me while the…
I agree. I realized this, when my wife told me she would love me unconditionally, and I later pressed her to fulfill that oath in the midst of me behaving unreasonably towards her. That's not love, that's subjection.
What she meant by unconditional love is that she'd love me even if I'm sick and poor, and I'd rather she'd love me then than when I'm being a tyrant.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'd also argue that even parental love and the love for the offspring is not unconditional either: you love them because they are your parents, or your children. Yes. An expectation of unconditional love is often abusive. It often boils down to expecting slavery and servitude from another person. I was a full-time mom for nearly two decades. A lot of people seem to expect unconditional motherly love from me while the…
> An expectation of unconditional love is often abusive. It often boils down to expecting slavery and servitude from another person. I agree. I realized this, when my wife told me she would love me unconditionally, and I later pressed her to fulfill that oath in the midst of me behaving unreasonably towards her. That's not love, that's subjection. What she meant by unconditional love is that she'd love me even if I'm…
I'm not at all impressed with the high percentage of people who promise to love each other forever when they take marriage vows, then seek to vindictively tear each other part during the divorce. My divorce was amicable.
Long experience, observation and reading lead me to say that the pop-culture idea of "falling in love" is just hormones and curiosity and adventure. Real, true love is a decision to faithfully be there and serve a person through thick and thin. It is best if that decision is well-made. Related to courtship and marriage, I have put many thoughts here (based on experience, research and lots of observation): http://luke…