The author's ex, Daniel, did the right thing by breaking up with her. He was fairly sure that he didn't see a long-term future with the author. It would have disserved both of them — and been woefully unfair to her — for him to keep seeing her just out of habit and convenience. Both of them would have been at least somewhat foreclosed from other romantic opportunities that, at least in his eyes, would have been a better fit.
How do we know when we’ve fallen in love? (2016)
11–20 of 101 posts
Re: How do we know when we’ve fallen in love? (2016)
#12This really doesn't relate too much, but I've realized over time that I'm essentially in love with one of my best friends (of the opposite gender).
We've been friends for 10 years, and just spending time around her makes me feel so relaxed and satisfied with life, it's a unique feeling to someone like me who hasn't been in much of a relationship so far in my life.
I'm able to maintain a good friendship despite this, and I guess I just treat it as some weird thing. I'm super grateful for the friendship we have, and it's amazing that these feelings persist even though I now only see her a couple of times a year.
I think part of me hoped we'd end up dating at some point, but I find that highly unlikely to work given certain circumstances. Either way, I remain grateful for what I have, and hope to find someone else that I'm able to relate to emotionally in the same way.
Re: How do we know when we’ve fallen in love? (2016)
#13I never understood the concept of falling in love. I can understand falling in lust. Love is something you develop over time.
It's definitely a thing. Here's one theory: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence
Re: How do we know when we’ve fallen in love? (2016)
#14If it's not a "Hell yes!", it's a "No".
Re: How do we know when we’ve fallen in love? (2016)
#15Well, we can all agree that the word "love" is overloaded.
With my parents and my kids.. my love is truly unconditional.
No matter what they do or say, I will always love them.
Unconditional love has no place in romantic love. They shouldn't even be sharing the same words.
Romantic love is absurdly conditional. We need a different word. The word "lust" is also a temporary state, even with new couples.
Music, romantic movies and shows like "The Bachelor", have warped our cultural ideas around relationships.
However, sometimes media can explain it perfectly:
"Listen Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people calls 'love' is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science."
Re: How do we know when we’ve fallen in love? (2016)
#16> In Russian, the verb that means discover or recognize also contains the verb to know. The English very nearly does as well. The "gn" in "recognize" has the same etymological root [1] as the "kn" in "know"---and as the "зн" in "сознать" (recognize) and "знать" (know). It's not quite as obvious as in the Russian, but "acknowledge" means nearly the same thing as "recognize" and includes "know" as a substring. [1] http…
Also same root as "cognition". Similar in Spanish, "reconocer" and "conocer" (which also means "to meet", i.e. to know for the first time).
According to Wiktionary the early Latin word was gnōscere. Old English had cnawan and cunnan.
Besides “know”, etc., modern English words “can”, “cunning”, “canny”, etc. also come from this root.
Re: How do we know when we’ve fallen in love? (2016)
#17Gather around friends, the wine is on me.
well, where is the wine?
Re: How do we know when we’ve fallen in love? (2016)
#18That recklessness and self destructive behaviour make for excellent scouts of opportunity (aka as stupidity and statistics), which is why its important to fall quickly for them, cause they might be gone tomorrow.
Re: How do we know when we’ve fallen in love? (2016)
#19Well, we can all agree that the word "love" is overloaded. With my parents and my kids.. my love is truly unconditional. No matter what they do or say, I will always love them. Unconditional love has no place in romantic love. They shouldn't even be sharing the same words. Romantic love is absurdly conditional. We need a different word. The word "lust" is also a temporary state, even with new couples. Music, romantic…
I used to think that.
Until I met my true love.
Hope you get to experience it some day.
23+ years of embarrassingly romantic, lustful, sacrificial, unconditional straight-out-of-a-Shakespearean-sonnet divine true love.
There is such a thing. Rare. But it does exist.
Re: How do we know when we’ve fallen in love? (2016)
#20I never understood the concept of falling in love. I can understand falling in lust. Love is something you develop over time.
I never understood the concept of developing love. I can understand falling in. Love is something you notice you already always have had.
But I don't actually need to understand your experience to accept that that's how it happens for you.
For me, there's two big parts:
1) I can tell. Both who you are, and how I am reacting to that, very quickly, very deeply. Consistently, this applies even to the parts of each of us that are revealed later on; tritely (and topically for HN) I also find this is true about software libraries and SaaS products: If it starts easy, it pretty much stays easy, and if it starts hard, it pretty much stays hard. Note that unfamiliarity != hard.
2) I can adjust. I don't change who I am to match someone else, but, my preferences DO change to match THEM. It's actually one of my favorite feelings, and every relationship I've ever been in I've noticed when their scent started to be my preference. Along with this, many little things are fungible, or at least, are only ever momentary irritation.
But, I do actually understand developing love. I definitely also feel that, I see those moments where a little thing they do becomes deeply enjoyable and meaningful, that feeling of a little bit deeper of a connection forming. I know that feeling. I also know this initial recognition.