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“Be yourself” is terrible advice

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51–60 of 114 posts

Re: “Be yourself” is terrible advice

#51

Be yourself is a non-statement. I don't know what it means. Does it mean follow my primal urges? Follow my idealistic goals? It doesn't say anything.

I think it's supposed to be something like "don't only try to emulate others".

I think it's rather: don't try to imitate others, strive to emulate them.

Re: “Be yourself” is terrible advice

#52
post #49
post #11

"Be yourself" as advice is bad advice if you take it uncharitably. It's good advice for individuals that repress their identities and discard their own happiness - e.g. gay men and women that force themselves to act straight (though not without caveat as death/execution/persecution is very real). If you reinterpret it as "be authentic" or "become yourself", it again takes a better meaning for those without fundamenta…

The variation I like is, "Become who you are."

That's Nietzsche's "werde, der du bist".

Re: “Be yourself” is terrible advice

#53

Be yourself is a non-statement. I don't know what it means. Does it mean follow my primal urges? Follow my idealistic goals? It doesn't say anything.

Makes me think of that classic scene between Jude Law and Dustin Hoffman in "I [Heart] Huckabees" --

Hoffman: ... are you being yourself?

Law [increduluous]: How am I not myself?!

Hoffman : "How am I not myself."

Law: _How am I not myself?_

Hoffman : "How am I not myself."

Law [distressed, starting to choke up]: How am I not myself.

Re: “Be yourself” is terrible advice

#55

Be yourself is a non-statement. I don't know what it means. Does it mean follow my primal urges? Follow my idealistic goals? It doesn't say anything.

There’s the old quip about Gershwin asking Ravel to teach him. Supposedly, Ravel declined, saying “Why should you be a second-rate Ravel when you can be a first-rate Gershwin?”

In this more specific light, find your own path rather than copying and pasting.

Re: “Be yourself” is terrible advice

#56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One thing I've found again and again is that a lot of advice is good for some people (even most people) but terrible for others. It all depends where you're starting.

What is an example of a person for whom this is terrible advice? I can only jokingly think of people who are naturally hostile or low on EQ. "They can't handle all this!" kind of people.

What is an example of a person for whom this is terrible advice?

Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, etc.

Re: “Be yourself” is terrible advice

#57
post #39

The lack of self awareness in this article is cringeworthy. Just read the headline, that's as good as it gets.

I read it as mistaking the beginning of self awareness for being well along the journey. I try not to judge. Every time you look back the road ahead is longer than you thought it was at the time.

I think it's OK to judge in this case given the articles casual sexism and racism, inevitably alongside Godwin's Law.

Re: “Be yourself” is terrible advice

#58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One thing I've found again and again is that a lot of advice is good for some people (even most people) but terrible for others. It all depends where you're starting.

What is an example of a person for whom this is terrible advice? I can only jokingly think of people who are naturally hostile or low on EQ. "They can't handle all this!" kind of people.

There's also people whose natural tendencies are thoroughly self destructive. For instance, I know a person who doesn't feel like themselves at home. Their favorite moment in the world is when, after speaking at a tech conference and getting praise from random attendees, they get blasted in the after party with something legal or illegal, and have unprotected sex with multiple partners, at least some of which they just met that day, and probably won't remember in the morning. Their quest to feel more like themselves leads them to dozens of trips a year, while their children ask why they have such a demanding job. In practice, they hold their job because they have relations with said CEO, as coworkers know that complaining about their coworker's lack of productivity will lead to termination.

And this is just one example. I have quite a few more of different flavors, all of which involve someone deciding that "being themselves" is all about destructive behavior. They don't lack EQ: In fact, I'd say almost all of them have very high EQs, but they are also either very damaged, or not very good people.

Re: “Be yourself” is terrible advice

#59
post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If it's not charitable, then at least it's usually correct. People giving the advice are generally unaware of what it's like to be naturally skilled at social interaction, and think it's just a matter or relaxing and enjoying yourself. If they think "you're naturally skilled at this", they're usually mistaken. My charitable version is what people would say if they could be honest and were aware of the relevant facts…

> If they think "you're naturally skilled at this", they're usually mistaken. We have completely different anecdata. I've said and heard people say "be yourself" many times. Rarely have I seen it go awry. Typically the people who say "be yourself" are naturally skilled at social interaction, so they can read whether the person is also able to socialize and make the right decision. But I can see how someone who lacks…

Your imaging a direct 1:1 scenario where the phrase is said referencing a specific moment. The problem is this advice is also given generically in one to many contexts or in writing form where there is no temporal component.

Re: “Be yourself” is terrible advice

#60
The danger factor with "be yourself" seems to be similar to the danger factor of "what do you want". These are meant to be interpreted deeply, not shallowly.

Most people are neither themselves nor know what they want, in the sense that both concepts are frequently constructed for them and not actually derived from the knowledge or best interest of the person. The first order of business when implementing either is to make sure they actually belong to you in the first place.

I.e., if your parents have pushed you to be an artist your whole life and you're actually meh on it, and if you go through social motions without seeing much value in them, neither of these is "you". Which is not to say that either of these things is somehow wrong or bad, but you should reexamine them for yourself to either see their value and keep them or identify them as of low value and discard them.

This is all completely orthogonal to the idea that other people should tolerate your behavior merely on the basis of it being authentic. That simply doesn't follow.

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