I don't really mind being touched, but it's definitely rather strange and I don't know why would I touch others like that. Why do some people feel such a need? It's not polite, it's... awkward.
Some people are uncomfortable with touchers. Should they set the rules?
41–50 of 93 posts
Re: Some people are uncomfortable with touchers. Should they set the rules?
#42Earlier quoted context omitted.
When was the last time someone sniffed your hair or you saw someone’s hair sniffed in a professional situation? My own professional career spans military, academia and multi-national corporations and therefore dozens of hours of dumb videos showing cringy behavior like Biden. These articles completely miss the point that he’s at least 20 years out of date of what’s considered acceptable (and some of his weird actions…
Hair sniffing is quite different from hugging or touching. We’re talking about “codifying” how people interact normally, hugging, touching, tapping. Smelling, I think is outside the norm and most people would agree it’s unwelcome behavior. It’s like asking, is touching someone’s axillas appropriate? Of course outside medical examinations probably not.
Exactly. The article mischaracterizes Biden’s behavior and is therefore pointless in discussing his fitness for office. (To the point that writers like this appear to be carrying water for him.)
Re: Some people are uncomfortable with touchers. Should they set the rules?
#43In my opinion, there should be no rules for such basic social interactions, neither rules for regulating the touching nor rules for regulating the reaction to it. It's not just a matter of personal freedom not to have such rules, human behavior cannot and should not be regulated in such ways. Every human interaction enforces or is based on existing norms anyway, but these change over time and fixed rules would preven…
The rule is "ask for permission before toucing someone else".
I find it weird that you've escalated this into some huge thing that infringes upon your freedoms.
Keep your fucking hands off my body.
Re: Some people are uncomfortable with touchers. Should they set the rules?
#44Feels like a slippery slope. Someone will always feel uncomfortable with something.
No, it really isn't hard to avoid touching someone who doesn't like it. If simple accommodations like that are a "slippery slope", I'd suggest a little empathy.
I really don't like people who empathize, but I suggest we shake hands anyway.
Re: Some people are uncomfortable with touchers. Should they set the rules?
#45Earlier quoted context omitted.
Would you be able to give other examples of this obsession with rules? From this, and this alone, I'd like to imagine that people just want to clear up the unknown. Social interactions are almost always different from one person to the next. Social norms do tend to keep things pretty similar but the whole range can vary wildly. Maybe this is just a way to narrow the range? I don't think it is a great way to handle th…
The problem with setting social rules, is they always seem to line up exactly with what the currently dominant group defines "normal", in my experience. The worst advice I was given as a child was "treat others as you wish to be treated", because it is awful advice when moving in to a significantly different set of people.
"treat others as you wish to be treated"
It's a useful minimum surely? How else should you treat a significantly different set of people?
Yes once you get to know them, you learn how they want to be treated (mainly?) based on how they treat you and others.
Are you talking about using general formal politeness?
Re: Some people are uncomfortable with touchers. Should they set the rules?
#46It's not that Biden is a 'toucher' but who he touches, and possibly why he touches.
Find video of his sniffing the hair of an old man for example ... You can't.
Re: Some people are uncomfortable with touchers. Should they set the rules?
#47Earlier quoted context omitted.
I like how you go on and on as if I hadn't written two paragraphs to begin with. I point out the costs of not touching being minimal exactly because I anticipated a tiresome argument whinging about all the other things we won't be able to do anymore.
The costs of avoiding direct eye contact are minimal. The cost of not wearing a crucifix are minimal. There are social benefits to touching, and most people are fine with casual touching. You have failed to demonstrate why touch is a special case. You can refer to my argument as whinging or tiresome if you like, but it that doesn't change its validity.
I will testify that the cost of never leaving the house is exceedingly high.
Re: Some people are uncomfortable with touchers. Should they set the rules?
#48Earlier quoted context omitted.
Hair sniffing is quite different from hugging or touching. We’re talking about “codifying” how people interact normally, hugging, touching, tapping. Smelling, I think is outside the norm and most people would agree it’s unwelcome behavior. It’s like asking, is touching someone’s axillas appropriate? Of course outside medical examinations probably not.
Exactly. The article mischaracterizes Biden’s behavior and is therefore pointless in discussing his fitness for office. (To the point that writers like this appear to be carrying water for him.)
So the article is talking about touching, hugging, etc., tactile social interaction. I agree we don’t need to codify them. On the other hand it totally ignores the socially unacceptable sniffing aspect. That’s likely on purpose because there is no need to explain it away. Most people accept that as outside norms. Now, also, not discussing that but discussing a non problem is a good way to bury the actual problem.
Re: Some people are uncomfortable with touchers. Should they set the rules?
#49Earlier quoted context omitted.
The cat is out of the bag, can we please let this piece of poppsych die? A surprisingly large number of manager wannabe type at a FAANG company made a point to try to pat me on the back in public. Please stop trying to symbolically stomp on people you'd like on your team, it's demeaning. Especially for yourself.
I know you’re being downvoted but I know EXACTLY what you mean. Hang in there.
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Re: Some people are uncomfortable with touchers. Should they set the rules?
#50Earlier quoted context omitted.
Would you be able to give other examples of this obsession with rules? From this, and this alone, I'd like to imagine that people just want to clear up the unknown. Social interactions are almost always different from one person to the next. Social norms do tend to keep things pretty similar but the whole range can vary wildly. Maybe this is just a way to narrow the range? I don't think it is a great way to handle th…
The problem with setting social rules, is they always seem to line up exactly with what the currently dominant group defines "normal", in my experience. The worst advice I was given as a child was "treat others as you wish to be treated", because it is awful advice when moving in to a significantly different set of people.
I believe "treat others as you wish to be treated" should be taken from a much higher approach than "if you like to be hugged, hug others". I've always seen it as more of "respect others and they will respect you." I still think it can apply to this situation though. Instead of setting social rules, we should show respect for the people we are interacting with.