The dark side of open source conferences [about women being harassed]

Let's be clear here: Harassment is not sexual attention from men you don't want it from. Harassment is unwanted sexual attention--period.

And I think that's the clear difference here. Replace $Ugly_Computer_Nerd with $Hot_Rich_Wellknown_Guy and that changes harassment to "harmless flirting". I'm sorry to be this stereotypical, but it's the truth. It's something I deal with a lot, it's something I argue with internally a lot. There are things I see "attractive" guys do that I would never consider doing with a woman because I fear that the behavior will be treated as sexual harassment or assault, and that's the last thing I want to be attached to. Needless to say, I'm also very single for that matter. But nonetheless, I sit in the sidelines at various places and have been around enough people to know.

So once we have established a guideline of what is truly something worth applying to everyone regardless of personal attractiveness, then we can have a real discussion on harassment.

For that matter, much of what is said here goes on all of the time in almost every public setting. You just might not be the center of attention of it because in other social contexts there is an abundance of other women.

"I was at a conference where a man mistook my friendliness and technical interest as sexual attraction to him."

This is not anything out of the ordinary as far as I can tell. If you randomly walked up to some guy in a bar and spoke to him, he's going to instantly start thinking you're interested in him. It doesn't matter the topic, he's going to assume that. I challenge you to find anyone else. The only time it wouldn't be construed as interest or flirting is if there are external forces requiring you to speak to each other.

So let's get this straight:

In defense of computer nerds, a lot of men like women. The idea of being portrayed as a sex object is nothing specific to computer nerd conventions. This occurs at all ages. You sit here and complain about women being scantily clad at a computer event, but probably let your little kids watch all of the Disney women that grew up and turned into completely crazy psycho whores.

It's okay for a cheerleader to wear next to nothing at a football event, but not okay for a woman to wear similar clothing at a computer event?

It's okay for a man to construe talking with you in a bar as flirting but it's not okay for a man to assume the same at another event?

I'm not sticking up for harassment, but we need some very clear definitions of what is or isn't appropriate. Time and place should not matter neither should it matter on attractiveness. If a "hot guy" smacks your ass and an "ugly guy" smacks your ass, both should be considered harassment. Otherwise it's discrimination.

As long as sexism exists women should be complaining about it. And as you have unwittingly proven, sexism does still exist.

Potentially "being different" in addition to standing up and out can be a daunting prospect. There's a lot of perceived social risk in such situations.

So I think it's good to talk about it. If more people recognise the problem then they're more likely to intervene next time they see it happen, and to marginalise troublemakers. They're good outcomes.

This is laughable considering how much talk there is in the hacker world of defying convention, challenging conventional wisdom, standing out from the crowd, changing the world and associated platitudes.