Earlier quoted context omitted.
But it sounds fake. For one thing, am I wrong to assume that relatives don't actually appreciate the son [in law] being the man of the family? At this point aren't they really suspicious of his psychology? And another thing, do we even know the son perceives masculinity that way? It seems like an odd mistake to make if you're wrong.
>For one thing, am I wrong to assume that relatives don't actually appreciate the son in law being the man of the family? OP is the son-in-law. The man who has power of attorney over OP's father-in-law is the son. Unless I am misunderstanding your post. It would absolutely be an odd mistake to make if wrong though.
A guide to difficult conversations
331–340 of 415 posts
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#332I’m generally a good conversation participant, but this week has made me second guess myself. My father-in-law is currently hospitalized after his heart stopped this weekend. He’s currently in an induced coma. Brain damage is a foregone conclusion at this point and they’re unsure if he will ever regain consciousness. My wife and I happened to be on vacation in Costa Rica when this happened. We hopped on the next avai…
Sorry to hear. Check out Crucial Conversations ( https://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-... ). It's a framework that I've found immensely helpful. If interested, I do recommend you read the book, but you can still get something out of this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFaXx3pgaxM (it's a summary masquerading as a review).
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#333I’m generally a good conversation participant, but this week has made me second guess myself. My father-in-law is currently hospitalized after his heart stopped this weekend. He’s currently in an induced coma. Brain damage is a foregone conclusion at this point and they’re unsure if he will ever regain consciousness. My wife and I happened to be on vacation in Costa Rica when this happened. We hopped on the next avai…
"Ben, I know this whole thing is very hard on you, but let me say I think you're doing a great job. No matter what anyone says, you're here for your father. That means a lot and I am sure your father would be proud of you for that. Not only that, but when the hospital asked you to step up and take on an important responsibility (power of attorney), you did it without hesitation. You're a loyal son and a gentleman.
"How are you getting along? Have you ever experienced something like this before? [Wait for the answer and talk about it. Let him talk about his experiences for a while and choose to go in more depth about a particular experience.] What was it like to go through that? Did everyone turn out OK?
"Listen, Ben, I'm here for you. I want you to keep the power of attorney because you've demonstrated your loyalty. Can we work together to figure out what it means to have power of attorney? I'm not too experienced with it, but I know attorneys in general have certain responsibilities to communicate with their clients and I'm sure something like that applies here. You've taken on a responsibility to communicate what's going on and I want to help you fulfill that responsibility.
"I know your family has been hard on you, Ben, so I want to help you by communicating with them for you so you can focus on the more important things. Again, I'm with you every step of the way, so let's figure this out together. We're going to get through this."
As you work with him, always be on his team. Never his superior nor subordinate, but always his peer. Navigate together.
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#334I’m generally a good conversation participant, but this week has made me second guess myself. My father-in-law is currently hospitalized after his heart stopped this weekend. He’s currently in an induced coma. Brain damage is a foregone conclusion at this point and they’re unsure if he will ever regain consciousness. My wife and I happened to be on vacation in Costa Rica when this happened. We hopped on the next avai…
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#335Calling it "nonviolent communication" is a brilliant marketing move, as it implies that not conversing in this manner is violent. I've seen this style many times in my career, and it always comes off as patronizing. It also tends to be used far more often than recommended. Instead of being deployed in difficult conversations, it gets used in every one-on-one. My guess is that NVC ends up like power posing[1]: pop-psy…
[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuro-linguistic_programming
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#336When [you use NVC on me], I feel [patronised] because I'm needing some [respect as a fellow human being]. Would you be able to [drop the insincere MBA bullshit and treat me like an adult]?
I never heard of NVC until today, but I'm realizing many of the "fake" people I've communicated with in my business career have been using this type of speaking, and it makes sense why they couldn't give me direct answers - they were hyper-focusing on how their reply should be crafted as NVC instead of simply answering my questions. It's infuriating when you are simply trying to get something done and the other perso…
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#337Nonviolent Communication? Words are not violent. There are better ways and worse ways to say things. You can be more empathetic and use words that result in less "triggering", but calling words violence is dangerous. It erodes the distinction between thoughts and opinions and real physical action.
and a downvote with no comment? I see that you were afraid to express your opinion.
I'm just guessing, but probably it was downvoted for being a shallow dismissal (also in the guidelines). Had you made your argument a little less strident and a little more informative, it could have been a fine comment, but as it was it sounds more like a shallow reaction to the name "Non-Violent Communication" that doesn't consider what they might have meant by it. Therefore this guideline is also probably relevant: "Please respond to the strongest plausible interpretation of what someone says, not a weaker one that's easier to criticize."
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#338I’m generally a good conversation participant, but this week has made me second guess myself. My father-in-law is currently hospitalized after his heart stopped this weekend. He’s currently in an induced coma. Brain damage is a foregone conclusion at this point and they’re unsure if he will ever regain consciousness. My wife and I happened to be on vacation in Costa Rica when this happened. We hopped on the next avai…
My understanding is that it is somewhat normative for children of the recently deceased to get into confrontations.
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#339I personally find people using NVC tactics very insincere. It is very obvious they are using some "you can't use this sentence against me later" tactics.
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#340When [you use NVC on me], I feel [patronised] because I'm needing some [respect as a fellow human being]. Would you be able to [drop the insincere MBA bullshit and treat me like an adult]?