The video linked at the bottom of the article doesn't work for me ("the video is unavailable "). Is this a regional thing (I'm in the UK), or is it broken for everyone?
A guide to difficult conversations
11–20 of 415 posts
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#12What's the purpose of expressing the feeling? It seems like it's there only to underline the urgency of the unmet needs.
At the same time, it implies an emotional investment in the issue at hand, which I would see either as unnecessary or insincere in a work environment.
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#13There are a fair few people in the world who would find a good video of Marshall Rosenberg life changing. His perspectives on how to use language are fundamentally superior to what people stumble into in everyday use. His framework is remarkable because it sets up a non-confrontational approach that lets you speak the truth without hurting or upsetting people. Being able to do that on demand is ... really quite a stu…
Here is one of those videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7TONauJGfc
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#14It's funny because few things make me seethe like someone talking to me in this way during a high stress moment. The artifice is transparent and if the conversation is tense the tone is quite easy to read as condescension. I'm hardly dismissing NVC as a tactic, just that when done poorly it's worse than simply being direct.
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#15The video linked at the bottom of the article doesn't work for me ("the video is unavailable "). Is this a regional thing (I'm in the UK), or is it broken for everyone?
I fixed it. Great catch, thanks for letting me know :)
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#16There are a fair few people in the world who would find a good video of Marshall Rosenberg life changing. His perspectives on how to use language are fundamentally superior to what people stumble into in everyday use. His framework is remarkable because it sets up a non-confrontational approach that lets you speak the truth without hurting or upsetting people. Being able to do that on demand is ... really quite a stu…
I struggle a lot with communication, but have not found a panacea for the biggest issue I regularly face. Communication requires two people to be willing to talk. If one of them just doesn't want to listen, just hear themselves talk, what can I do? This includes them not listening to me telling them that I'm not willing to talk to them if they're not willing to listen (in more, or even fewer words than that).
> If one of them just doesn't want to listen, just hear themselves talk, what can I do?
There is no magic trick to make people do what you want them to do.
> me telling them that I'm not willing to talk to them if they're not willing to listen
Well, that attitude isn't going to fix any of your problems. Review the fine article; Heading 1, "Observations vs. evaluations". I might try ask them why what you are saying doesn't seem to provoke much of a response, but honestly you aren't going to get much joy out of an internet forum for solving communication problems.
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#17Great article! Thanks for highlighting this often neglected aspect of communication!
Pleasure :)
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#18Very nice and concise writeup. For me it is always hard to deliver the feedback to the point (the 40 words rule), because i'm afraid it'll simply go under in all the other information people take in during the day. That's why i tend to keep pressing the matter. Has anyone some relevant experience to share on that?
Often, the most concentrated the message, the higher the impact. Sometimes a single sentence followed by silence is more powerful than a 1-hour talk. Counter-intuitive (but who said communication was straightforward).
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#19There are a fair few people in the world who would find a good video of Marshall Rosenberg life changing. His perspectives on how to use language are fundamentally superior to what people stumble into in everyday use. His framework is remarkable because it sets up a non-confrontational approach that lets you speak the truth without hurting or upsetting people. Being able to do that on demand is ... really quite a stu…
I struggle a lot with communication, but have not found a panacea for the biggest issue I regularly face. Communication requires two people to be willing to talk. If one of them just doesn't want to listen, just hear themselves talk, what can I do? This includes them not listening to me telling them that I'm not willing to talk to them if they're not willing to listen (in more, or even fewer words than that).
Someones we all need a vent. If you hold someone the space to say what they need to — and truly know they've been heard, that opens up space for them to hear.
Frustrating sometimes? Definitely. But it works.
Re: A guide to difficult conversations
#20I learned about Non-Violent Communication at a programming conference when the speaker said: "If you want to be a better programmer, read this book"
Such a game changer in my pull request comments and life.
Non-violent Communication is not easy, it takes continuous practice.
I even blogged on each chapter: http://redgreenrepeat.com/2017/05/12/nonviolent-communicatio... and still feel I can improve my communication, especially when I get emotional.