Earlier quoted context omitted.
Your post is very puzzling. You, on one hand, sound exceptionally well educated but on the other hand describe a social circle that seems exceedingly ignorant or uninformed. Knowing the profound disconnect why would that make you embarrassed?
I spent two years of my life working on a technology I really hope is never used. I think it's very hard to think about making a technology you know is to killing someone. But at the same time, you know it is necessary. You really wish the world you live in would mean there's no reason to. But that isn't the world you live in.
i would recommend that you write down your experiences and knowledge about whatever Doomsday Black Project you worked on for the Pentagon, and submit it to Wikileaks.
the only way This War Machine Stops is by shining sunlight on it.