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Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

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Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#111

Post by aaronbrethorst »

nostrademons wrote: post #53
aaronbrethorst wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wearing a suit != "[seeming] like a 'good, obedient' employee." I have always really appreciated it when job candidates dress up for their interviews. It makes it seem like they're saying to me 'I know this isn't your dress code, but I want to put my best foot forward and make sure you know I take this interaction seriously.' Say hi to random strangers so you can make friends (even though you're introverted and doing…

I have heard that certain mid-size to large technology companies in Silicon Valley actually ding people on "culture fit" if they wear a suit to the interview. This was actually one of those pieces of advice my mom gave me that turned out to be bad advice. Instead, I'd suggest "Know the culture that you're entering, respect it, and do your best to adhere to it."

Frankly, I think that dinging a person for wearing one is just as capricious as dinging a person for not wearing one.

But, by and large, I agree with your suggestion. If that cultural fit is a bad one, it's best to skip it.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#112

Post by AndrewMoffat »

Almaviva wrote: post #85

Variations of "you'll just meet someone" and "dating will get easier in your 30s" and "the important thing is you do well in school, and everything else will follow". Fuck that. Someone should have shaken the shit out of me when I was 18, forced me to go to a school with a normal gender ratio, and gotten me to strike while the iron was still hot while I still had some sexual attraction to women, and never take for gr…

Someone should have shaken the shit out of me when I was 18, forced me to go to a school with a normal gender ratio, and gotten me to strike while the iron was still hot

Why is it someone else's responsibility to make you live your life the "right" way? I thought your bad advice post was fine up until you were blaming other people for how you lived your life.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#113

Post by tomjen3 »

ora600 wrote: post #55

"You should be a DBA, its a good career for a woman". Even though DBAs have more flexible hours, I wouldn't recommend a job with a pager to my worse enemies. 10 years later and I'm still trying to come up with a good way to get rid of it.

Loose it in a cup of tea.

It kills electronics very well, and the tea taste a little better for it.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#114

Post by Almaviva »

orangecat wrote: post #110
Almaviva wrote: post #85

Variations of "you'll just meet someone" and "dating will get easier in your 30s" and "the important thing is you do well in school, and everything else will follow". Fuck that. Someone should have shaken the shit out of me when I was 18, forced me to go to a school with a normal gender ratio, and gotten me to strike while the iron was still hot while I still had some sexual attraction to women, and never take for gr…

Right there with you. My life would probably be much better had I spent more (well, any) time drinking and partying in high school and college. The traditional advice to be responsible and avoid peer pressure is correct for the majority of the population, but geeky introverts need to develop social skills much more than we need to incrementally improve our GPAs. "dating will get easier in your 30s" Supposedly this re…

> Supposedly this really is true for men.

This is not just untrue for me, but dramatic and stark in a way that has surprised me a lot. I have some really awkward hair loss and I get mistaken for a college student at age 34, and that doesn't help. To a couple orders of approximation, women now have absolutely and universally no sexual interest in me, and this just wasn't true in my 20s. (This is despite me having more money now and being lot more sure of myself, more comfortable with people, less shy, and in better physical shape.)

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#115

Post by Almaviva »

AndrewMoffat wrote: post #112
Almaviva wrote: post #85

Variations of "you'll just meet someone" and "dating will get easier in your 30s" and "the important thing is you do well in school, and everything else will follow". Fuck that. Someone should have shaken the shit out of me when I was 18, forced me to go to a school with a normal gender ratio, and gotten me to strike while the iron was still hot while I still had some sexual attraction to women, and never take for gr…

Someone should have shaken the shit out of me when I was 18, forced me to go to a school with a normal gender ratio, and gotten me to strike while the iron was still hot Why is it someone else's responsibility to make you live your life the "right" way? I thought your bad advice post was fine up until you were blaming other people for how you lived your life.

This post is asking for blame!! Someone can take my anecdote for what its worth in a way that may help them out (I hope). Yes I'm whiny but also have some altruism:)

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#116

Post by AndrewMoffat »

jiganti wrote: post #20

You're special.

What's with all the jaded young adults on here and reddit blaming their shortcomings on being told that they were special?

My take on it is this: "you're special" is not a declaration of your supposed super-human intellect or abilities, but a reminder of your uniqueness and independence as a person who can choose to distinguish yourself if you choose to. The moment you stop believing in that is the moment you cease to be special, by that definition.

Don't reject the wrong mantra. "You're special" is fine. "Special means you're better" is what causes you problems.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#118

Post by watty »

SRSimko wrote: post #54

Go to school, get a good education, go get a good job and live happily ever after. Guess what the world changes and that doesn't cut it anymore. Now I believe in making my own future.

There's a lot of hard work required as well but that advice has worked for many people including myself.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#119

Post by jeangenie »

ericb wrote: post #56
ses wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I couldn't agree more with the sentiment that - often - stepping outside your comfort zone can lead to good things. However there has to be some reason you want to do it, despite it making you uncomfortable. Otherwise the fact that you're not being yourself will overshadow whatever it is you're trying to achieve. I made myself go back to university when my first experience was not successful, I'm now on track for a g…

> Otherwise the fact that you're not being yourself will overshadow whatever it is you're trying to achieve. I view my "self" as fluid, and whatever I want me to be.

You bifurcate "I" and "me" implying the former can reliably create such a state in the latter; if this is the case, then what's actually at work in forming your "me"?

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#120

Post by rbarooah »

hasenj wrote: post #11

Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you. Every time I did that things got messed up and I ended up worse than I was before. If you're outside your comfort zone, you will act in non-authentic ways, and when you're not being authentic, you can't be the best possible you. Examples of stepping outside comfort zo…

I think the key point here is not about never expanding your comfort zone - it's about not doing it just because someone else advises it.

There's a world of difference between choosing to step outside your limits because you've identified something that you aspire to, and doing so because someone else thinks they know what's good for you.

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