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Ask HN: Seemingly unable to recover from burnout. Please advise

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Re: Ask HN: Seemingly unable to recover from burnout. Please advise

#31

Interesting read. It sounds like you lack a "mission" that your startup job provided, and just any old arbitrary mission can't replace it. My advice would be to figure out what you want out of life: wife, kids, where would you live, what would you do, etc. And I don't mean look fir a new job I mean what do you want to dedicate your life to. Maybe religion, maybe service work, maybe cocaine and hookers. It's up to you…

The problem is, I don't know what I want out of life right now. I like to drink and party, but that's not a "mission." I would like a wife and children someday, but not soon. Same thing with home ownership. I don't really know what I want immediately. > but the reality is that the point of working is to get money so you can fund your life. When I left X, I got some severance pay. So my life right now is essentially f…

Sounds like that's a part of your problem. No sense of belonging/purpose. If you find yourself focusing on "What you want from life" and feel compelled to get an answer, maybe you need to distract yourself mentally from that and not force it.

A lot of people mentally struggle when they don't know what they want from life. It can make you feel "worthless". You end up sleeping late because.. why get out of bed.I took 2 years off of work and went through all of this. The answer for me was a) mentally accepting myself and b) find work that I felt good about. e.g, I did a days worth of work. Yes I'm not changing the world or solving Null Pointer Exceptions for everyone, but hey.. fuck it. I'm doing something.

I always remind myself to a) Not judge myself so hard because in 200 years or less no one will remember me. Thats okay and b) Life is better when you learn to accept yourself even if you're not gods gift to everyone else..

P.S., Everyone will learn to think of me as an amazing person! I'm just giving everyone time lol jk

Re: Ask HN: Seemingly unable to recover from burnout. Please advise

#32
TL;DR Good luck, give it time, stay busy

It took me nearly two years after a ‘startup’ I was working at collapsed and I realised I was burned out until I was ready to consider writing code as a dayjob again.

I was in a comfortable position, but didn’t really have the luxury of being able to do extended travel, so got back in to work as quickly as I could (mostly technical salss and consultancy type role - wasn’t really ‘me’ but it helped me recover - there’s something to be said for keeping bisy - and taught me a few new skills along the way)

I’m now back to programming basically every day and loving it - but it was a long road.

Re: Ask HN: Seemingly unable to recover from burnout. Please advise

#34
I'll give you my recipe. I have a recipe because I've burnt myself out a couple of times in my career. Not the best thing to do, but I like to work and sometimes in pursuing one's passion one over does it.

1. Forgive yourself. You worked hard. You made a couple of less than optimal moves. It happens to the best of us. You may not realise it, but often people feel "stupid" or "weak" for having gotten into the burn out situation. Give yourself a break. Also realise: it's likely to happen again because enthusiastic people get themselves into this situation. Don't fear it. Accept who you are and work within your own nature.

2. Forgive others. I wrote a fantastical piece on this a long time ago: http://mikekchar.github.io/portfolio//UsefulAndBeneficial (It's surprisingly short for something written by me). TL;DR: People strive to be useful and then complain when they are used. Instead do what you do because it is in your nature to do it and maneuver yourself into a place where this provides benefit for others. It's easy to blame others for the situation you are in because they selfishly accept everything you give them. They may even selfishly ask for things that you give them. However, give them a break. It's fine if people ask for things, even if they are selfish. The key is learning how to break out of the "useful" mould.

3.Find out why you are a programmer. I can't actually give you good advice here because I don't know why you are a programmer. I can tell you that I never wanted to be a programmer. I wanted to be an author. But then my parents (wisely, I suppose ;-) ) suggested that the job of "author" is not very secure. So I picked my second best thing, which was programming. And then for at least the next 20 years I did my best to find a way to quit from that job. However, I kept getting sucked back in. I thought I was cursed. And then I realised it: I love programming. That's why I do it. Even when I don't have to program, I'm programming. My curse is that I love it, which is why I can never break free from it. See: you aren't the most screwed up person in this conversation! But anyway, you are a programmer for a reason. You might not realise what that reason is. Your reason is probably not the same as my reason. However, without knowing what your reason is, it will be hard to continue. If you suspect (which I bet that you do) that you don't actually have a reason to be a programmer, then try something else. Work at MacDonald's. Do whatever. It doesn't matter. You'll figure out pretty quickly why you are a programmer.

4. Write code. Write code every day. Start small. I like doing pomodoros. If you can only do one pomodoro a day, then only do one pomodoro a day. Try to do 2 some days and eventually you will be able to do 2. Keep trying to do more pomodoros. Or whatever measurement of work floats your boat. But write code. Every day.

And that is it. I'll be honest, though. I think you are suffering from more than burn out. Depression can happen as a result of burnout, but thoughts of suicide, etc are pretty worrying. You may have an underlying health condition that needs treatment. I recommend continuing to see the relevant health professionals and getting whatever treatment you can. I know lots of people with mental health problems. It's important to understand that this is a health issue. In the case of thoughts of suicide, it's a potentially fatal health issue and should be treated just the same as a heart condition, for example. Our science sucks for these kinds of health issues, but it's getting better over time. Many of my friends have had really good success and there is no reason to believe that you won't have similar success. It might take some time, though.

I hope that's helpful! It's always hard to give good advice on this kind of issue because it depends so much on the individual. Just try to keep a positive outlook. Belief is more than half the battle.

Re: Ask HN: Seemingly unable to recover from burnout. Please advise

#35
You could contact the American Red Cross and volunteer for disaster response. I volunteered for a month with them after hurricane Katrina hit Louisiana. International assignments are an option but require long term (multiple months) time commitments but it seems like you might be available for that.

Helping others will help you heal yourself.

Re: Ask HN: Seemingly unable to recover from burnout. Please advise

#36

The symptoms you describe sound very much like depression. It's great that you're exercising and eating well, that'll make recovering from this easier, even if it's not easy. I've got some suggestions based on all the friends I've seen suffer through this: I know you went to therapy previously but I think you should consider finding a new, better therapist. If you are friends with any therapists privately they're pre…

I've considered that. I might be clinically depressed now, but since it's not nearly as bad as I used to be, I write it off as "I'm fine. I've been much worse." I really hate the idea of taking mind-altering medication regularly. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child (erroneously, I believe) and took medication everyday for years. A few years ago, I deemed it no way to live and weened myself off of it. As a transition…

Sleep is super important, and maybe vitamin D, 5 HTP. I'd be very cautious of trying SSRI/ SNRI. The data is weak and mildly disturbing, but also, they aren't completely useless . or bad. I'd just leave it as a final option.

Re: Ask HN: Seemingly unable to recover from burnout. Please advise

#37
Write a diary and make yourself your own therapist.

Apart from daily writing, my own philosophy to life is to move very slowly and concentrate on the minutiae of everyday existence. There is joy in the patterns of the gravel.

Lastly, I would say study | create simply for the act in itself. This goes hand in hand with the writing, and the appreciation of the mundane.

Re: Ask HN: Seemingly unable to recover from burnout. Please advise

#38
Find purpose.

If you can't, get yourself in a situation where purpose is immediate.

The problem with programming is that it is opposite of actual life itself. Everything reduced to symbols. Everything abstracted. Which is all beautiful in a synthetic way, but it has to tie back into a larger purpose for living or it's all no good for anything.

Re: Ask HN: Seemingly unable to recover from burnout. Please advise

#40
Many of the comments mentioned previously help and do make sense. However, I'd like to add .... find a good partner who can relate to you and hopefully not judge you. It can be a romantic involvement, a friend, a family member. Self-evaluation and self-prioritization of activities important for you is important and can be very helpful.
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