Build something he would be proud of.
Ask HN: My lifetime mentor died. How to move on?
21–30 of 41 posts
Re: Ask HN: My lifetime mentor died. How to move on?
#22Get some bereavement counselling - coming to terms in something that must seem so unjust, can't be easy.
It will be very useful to be able to process the hurt you're feeling, in the company of someone who has good experience helping people who've dealt with similar losses.
Re: Ask HN: My lifetime mentor died. How to move on?
#23My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine what that must feel like. As others here have said, it's perfectly understandable that you've been in shock and grief.
I think the best suggestion I could give is to be easy on yourself. It's good that you're starting to feel ready to begin moving forward, but don't rush anything. Be glad for what you can do, and don't worry about what you're not ready to do yet. Taking a long walk every day might help.
Re: Ask HN: My lifetime mentor died. How to move on?
#24I'm sorry for your loss. I found that time does heal most wounds. From experience, try not to make any big decisions right now, you'll tend to be emotive and reactional, rather than rational. Eat healthy and get lots of sleep (psychological effects of trauma cause real physical effects).
Thank you, I've discovered this... (un)fortunately, my business is beginning to grow rapidly, forcing me to make decisions I doubt I'm able to make. We shared the business, unofficially, but decisions we're mutually made... and now I'm making them all... for the first time.
It's incredibly terrifying.
Re: Ask HN: My lifetime mentor died. How to move on?
#251) Talk to a shrink. I'm not a big medication guy, so simply having an impartial, 3rd party can help. Plus, they know grief so they can help you find some strategies. 2) Channel your Father. I don't mean in some Psycho (movie) sort of way. I mean that likely without knowing it, you know what your father would have said for a long time. You could likely say "what would he have said" and have him there with you. Someti…
#3, I'm not sure I'm ready to be the mentor, I'm only 23... two years out of school, all spent building a business.
Re: Ask HN: My lifetime mentor died. How to move on?
#26First of all: remember that you are lucky. I know it's hard to see it that way right now, but you were given an incredible gift in the time that the two of you had together. The fact that it was cut short so abruptly and meaninglessly doesn't take away from that; if anything, it highlights it. In terms of "how", there is no magic answer; you just try to keep learning, and keep giving to others, to the best of your ab…
Thank you for your advice. It's very difficult to think of anything as being lucky...
I've had learning on my mind. I've always done business and UI design, really technology in general, but I've never really learned a language. I've been pondering learning something like Python or Ruby, maybe putting my mind to building some small project in the evenings...
I'm having to run the business everyday, plus dealing with his estate, so I'm busy, at least.
Re: Ask HN: My lifetime mentor died. How to move on?
#271) Talk to a shrink. I'm not a big medication guy, so simply having an impartial, 3rd party can help. Plus, they know grief so they can help you find some strategies. 2) Channel your Father. I don't mean in some Psycho (movie) sort of way. I mean that likely without knowing it, you know what your father would have said for a long time. You could likely say "what would he have said" and have him there with you. Someti…
I fully agree with this - I lost my mom unexpectedly in July, and it's been tough. #1 can help a lot - therapists know the right questions to ask to help you start dealing with the grief in a healthy way - everyone is different, and if someone can help you start down your own personal path, it makes the road easier to find and a lot less bumpy.
I'm so sorry. It's tough, for sure. :\
Re: Ask HN: My lifetime mentor died. How to move on?
#28Build something he would be proud of.
That's... how I want to see things. Thank you. :)
Re: Ask HN: My lifetime mentor died. How to move on?
#29Build something he would be proud of.
That is exactly what I came to this link to add. Kudos.
My only other advice: if you still need a mentor, find someone who you can get an hour or two a week from. You probably still do need advice, but it sounds like you're pretty grounded.
Re: Ask HN: My lifetime mentor died. How to move on?
#30http://fallibleideas.com/emotions
Ugh. This kind of thing is the last thing this person needs to hear. Emotions are real and powerful. Although they certainly affect thoughts and can be affected by thoughts, they aren't reducible to thoughts, and can't just be waved away with a flick of the mind.
I take it you think it's false. And that false statements about emotions are harmful to upset people. Would that be a fair way of putting your complaint that doesn't assume without argument that it's false?
I put it to you that some people think it is true, and that if it is true it will help. Let him judge for himself what advice he deems true, instead of you trying to tell everyone who thinks differently than you to withhold advice!