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Ask HN: How to cope with job hunting and depression?

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Re: Ask HN: How to cope with job hunting and depression?

#51

Post by PopeDotNinja »

bigbassroller wrote: post #48
PopeDotNinja wrote: post #9

I'm 44 with fewer years of experience as a developer than yourself. I've been through the job hunting meat grinder a couple times in the last year myself. I've been homeless in the past, too. Here's what I have to say: - therapy is for people who can afford it; don't get hung up on the fact that you can't afford it, and do what you gotta do to keep going - leave your personal drama out of the interview, no matter wha…

> leave your personal drama out of the interview, no matter what, because ain't nobody going to want to hire a depressed mopey anybody I would like to second this. I do this by never showing weakness. Always try to provide solutions and when in self doubt, keep mouth shut.

> Always try to provide solutions and when in self doubt, keep mouth shut.

It's so hard! I want to chat about everything in an interview! But the main point here is that most interviewers are (in my opinion) looking to screen candidates out for pick-a-reason. If you volunteer information that doesn't help you get the job, it can only help you get the boot.

Re: Ask HN: How to cope with job hunting and depression?

#52

Post by bigbassroller »

PopeDotNinja wrote: post #51
bigbassroller wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> leave your personal drama out of the interview, no matter what, because ain't nobody going to want to hire a depressed mopey anybody I would like to second this. I do this by never showing weakness. Always try to provide solutions and when in self doubt, keep mouth shut.

> Always try to provide solutions and when in self doubt, keep mouth shut. It's so hard! I want to chat about everything in an interview! But the main point here is that most interviewers are (in my opinion) looking to screen candidates out for pick-a-reason. If you volunteer information that doesn't help you get the job, it can only help you get the boot.

> main point here is that most interviewers are (in my opinion) looking to screen candidates out for pick-a-reason. If you volunteer information that doesn't help you get the job, it can only help you get the boot.

Yes! Exactly this. That’s why I always have a cup of chai tea in my hand. I use it as a filter for when I need to keep my mouth shut or keep my answers short, sweet and to the point. During interviews it’s easy to start rambling and telling too much information.

Re: Ask HN: How to cope with job hunting and depression?

#53

Post by PopeDotNinja »

Hey @throwaway128932, I re-read your post, and I wanted reply again with a softer tone. The short answer is yes, there is hope.

One of the things that really helped me when I was homeless was accepting the fact the no one really understood what I was going through. The reason that helped is because I was putting a crap ton of energy into looking for solutions outside of myself instead of doing what I could to help myself. I was very much like a drowning person yelling for a life preserver while forgetting to to what I could to stay afloat. Nobody gonna tread water for me. I didn't like coming to understand that, but it did help.

If you happen to be in the SF area, and you really do end up needing a place to stay, look me up. I have an air mattress you can crash on for a couple weeks.

Re: Ask HN: How to cope with job hunting and depression?

#55

Post by ramphastidae »

I'm really sorry to hear, but the advice to just keep trying is accurate.

I have had a very successful on-paper career (worked in finance, then dev at FAANG, then co-founder with exit) and have been looking for my next role for over six months. I thought it would be a breeze and I've got rejection after rejection — even for low-level roles I am easily qualified for.

You may be being rejected for reasons out of your control — the recruiter may be biased, your salary requirements may be too high, the company may prefer less qualified candidates they can 'mold' (e.g. over-promise and underpay).

What I found is that no matter your resume, connections are everything. Have you reached out to as many former co-workers for referrals as possible? Basically all of my applications that haven't been referrals have been outright rejections or silence, and all of them with referrals have gotten me at least a recruiter phone call.

Have you lowered your standards a bit? I had to. Maybe you won't work at a FAANG or even a big startup, but that's OK. Expand your options to 'boring' mid-level companies, smaller startups, anywhere you can get a referral.

NEVER NEVER NEVER discuss personal drama or problems at the interview. It's not fair at all but your interviewers just don't care and will only see it a huge red flag. Make something up if you need to. You wanted to take some time off to travel. A family member got sick and you needed to take care of them. You wanted to try to launch some personal projects.

Make sure your application volume is high (50+ applications) and don't stop applying to new roles even if you start making progress. I've made it to a lot of second or even final rounds for jobs that I was sure were going to work out and they didn't.

Make sure you are taking care of yourself — get good sleep, shower every day, eat properly, no drugs, and go outside and walk around and get some exercise. Dress decently. This WILL help you feel better and make a better impression on others. These are seemingly subtle changes but people DEFINITELY notice when someone is sloppy vs. well put-together.

Good luck, you are not alone. Just take it one day at a time.

Re: Ask HN: How to cope with job hunting and depression?

#56

Post by a-saleh »

Tldr: I cope by going to free therapy sessions

First I would muster up all my energy try to activate my basic survival instinct, sit down and start planning.

How much money do I have? What is the runway, if I don't get more money, what is the last day I am able to afford to pay rent? Do I have any financial obligations that I can't get our of? I.e. where I once lived there were significant cancelation fees. Then I would make plan to extend my runway as far as feasible, with the limited energy I have.

If I feel that I am currently not capable of this level of planning (or that seeing the date I am probably becoming homeless would incapacitate me) I would go back to all of my friends that 'just tell me to keep trying' and asked for help.

"I am beyond keep-trying, I am not sure how long am I able to pay rent, and I need start planning contingency, can you sit down with me and help me with that?"

There might be some that in case your funds run out would at least let you crash on their couch.

I am not sure how you work, but for me, knowing my runway and gazing into the metaphorical abyss helps me muster my fight of flight reflex.

Second, I would look for a therapist. I am currently going for a one-on-one session for free, because the therapist is training on a new method and needs several reviews of patients before getting an attestation and being able to charge for it. If I already didn't have contact I would ask at local med-school?

Third. I would once again go back to my friends and ask them for jobs. A.f.a.i.k. going though the regular channel to get hired has high rejection rate, and if every rejection keeps you getting deeper into depression, then going through the front door is not hte route for me. If a friend can arrange a coffee with their manager, when they know they are looking for someone like you, with racks open, sending the resume could, in the best-case scenario become just a formality. (That is how I got my last job, more or less)

Last, if friends can't help you, I would start looking at less desirable/well payed jobs. I know that most of my peers wouldn't work for goverment, because pay is bad, but they are usually eager to hire anybody with the skills.

Re: Ask HN: How to cope with job hunting and depression?

#57

Post by devinjflick »

devinjflick wrote: post #49

Please seek help if you have seriously considered taking your life. I've dealt with this exact issue in my life before. Here's a few of my recommendations. If homelessness is an issue, get any income you can. Whatever job you can get to get your bills paid, take out loans, credit cards do what you gotta do to take care of yourself. Every time you go to that job, no matter how you feel about it, tell yourself, this is…

and if you need to reach out please don't hesitate!

Re: Ask HN: How to cope with job hunting and depression?

#58

Post by rasikjain »

Sorry to hear this.

It gets difficult to compete with the young graduates or recent hires. However, there is always a need for the experienced people like you with lot of tech chops. Try to brush up the skills and apply for interviews and answer confidently (worst case, ready for next interview); this worked in my case.

In my experience, lot of big to mid-size boring enterprise companies need people like you with proven experience. Most of the startups and silicon valley companies look for younger talent with recent skillset.

Feel free to reach out. My email is in my profile.

(I am in job hunting looking for remote opportunities; It feels applying for jobs itself is a full-time job)

Re: Ask HN: How to cope with job hunting and depression?

#59

Post by dmitripopov »

Depression is a disease, not just a state of mind and it needs to be taken care of. The more you let it go untreated the worse it gets. You can try to get out of it by doing physical exercises or just taking long walks (try and spend a whole day walking). It really helps. Exclude sugar and fat from your diet. Fried food too. Get out and chat with friends, in real life, not in messaging apps. Quit toxic relationships if you feel your spouse drowns you. There are a lot of things you can do yourself without attending a counselor. Once you move yourself to the positive attitude, job interviews would change accordingly.
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