I've got 9 years of experience in tech, mostly as an engineer in high profile startups and some big companies.
I'm increasingly finding it harder to get any interest from employers, it seems like they all have better, younger, candidates.
Every new rejection brings me deeper into depression, to the point where I'm about to be homeless and I don't see a way out anymore without ending my life.
And at the same time, I realise my attitude to interviews has become worse: I'm more nervous, less excited, less happy... because I know it's not likely to lead anywhere.
Is there any hope? I can't afford any kind of therapy or get help anymore. My parents are dead, my friends don't understand or just tell me to keep trying.
As bad at it seems right now, please believe me that situation isn't worth ending your life over.
My email is my profile and I'm happy to talk to at any time, about anything.
I'm a founder and have a pretty extensive network of other founders that are eager to hire good table. I am happy to see if I can refer you to some good companies, or otherwise help you out.
Well. This is my first post, and I will save the hope for the church. I was in your boat for a while. The most important thing to do is to find your guiding voice inside of all of that despair. You posted here, so the flame is not dead but may be dying. I understand. There are no platitudes, like for every door that closes, etc. Keep you head up, etc. Hang in there, etc. I believe what you need is a combination of things. Negative energy attracts negative energy for sure. If you are religious, pray to God, pray hard, and pray for those you love and your country and others before asking for a favor. If you are spiritual or new age, then get some crystals, get some lapis lazuli and ponder while holding it, get a protective bracelet or something. Just be yourself. You will make it through this pain, and this sorrow, and you will not end your life. There is something left to give. As a matter of practicality, you can cut out the costs that you don't care about like taking our your loved ones to fancy dinners, new clothes, etc. Keep it simple. Find strength in minimalism. Become a simple entity that moves through life without thought. Do not make a big deal about this - life will go on. The longer you wait, the better your skills become. Use this as a time to sharpen those skills and people will see the results. Keep yourself busy with love and remember those you lost. I also lost my parents, and very early in life in fact. There are two kinds of us out there - those that make it through and those that don't.
As bad at it seems right now, please believe me that situation isn't worth ending your life over. My email is my profile and I'm happy to talk to at any time, about anything. I'm a founder and have a pretty extensive network of other founders that are eager to hire good table. I am happy to see if I can refer you to some good companies, or otherwise help you out. Stay strong. Things will get better.
Thanks slap_shot for reaching out to someone. Depression is no joke and the suicide that follows it. I too am depressed since past 10 years and everyday is a struggle. I too get super nervous during interviews. Pain in stomach, laboured breathing, excessive sweating and whatnot. Rejections hit me hard as they make me question the entire premise of my professional life. The only reason I have not killed myself is that I education loan to clear(blessing in disguise ?). It makes me happy when people unknown to each other help each other out.
Work on a side project to demonstrate your skills over other candidates. If you have 9 years of experience, you should be schooling them in terms of knowledge, and the best way to do this is a side project. When companies reject you, its nothing personal, you need to find a way to stand out from the rest of the pack.
Side projects are a great way to reaffirm your self worth. People that only climb the career ladder can't build a project from ground up. Its only those that hone their skills that do. As an added benefit, it might even become a real business. Keep yourself busy.
I'm 44 with fewer years of experience as a developer than yourself. I've been through the job hunting meat grinder a couple times in the last year myself. I've been homeless in the past, too. Here's what I have to say:
- therapy is for people who can afford it; don't get hung up on the fact that you can't afford it, and do what you gotta do to keep going
- leave your personal drama out of the interview, no matter what, because ain't nobody going to want to hire a depressed mopey anybody
- if you suck at interviews, practice interviewing; in my most recent job search, I got a few friends to do mock interviews with me, including explaining why they were asking what they asked
- feel free to reach out to me via email; I was a tech recruiter for several years, and now I'm a senior dev at a company that doesn't suck
I can't say I've ever been in your shoes, but I've had experiences with depression, particularly in those around me. Suicide, or any form of self-harm for that matter, is never the answer. There is a way out of this without hurting yourself.
There is always a demand for experienced software engineers such as yourself. If you live in the UK, I'd be more than happy to set you up with some people I know.
That being said, if you would like a chat about anything, anything whatsoever, I'd be happy to. I put my email on my profile so you can hit me up there.