How to Make Other Developers Hate to Work with You

> "usually leads to components nobody can understand let alone maintain"

As you advance up the mountain, you will learn to see complexity simply. When you make this realization, your components will simplify dramatically. You must learn to see simply before you can design simply. It just takes time. There's nothing wrong with this, humility doesn't mean giving up your belief that you're capable of anything.

We were all born without any knowledge. We all learned everything we needed to know to get where we are today. We've put men on the moon. We've sent probes to escape our solar system. We've sent submarines to the bottom of the ocean. Humans have the capability to do anything we put our minds to. You can too. Everything you understand today, you've learned in the short lifespan you've had. Today you will learn more, and tomorrow and the next. Just because you find humility in your place, doesn't mean you're not capable of anything.

If you think it's a problem that you have this type of arrogance, what are you doing to improve and seek training about it?

People try to shoehorn Dunning-Kruger into situations where it doesn't make much sense.

Dunning-Kruger boils down to something a lot like "people tend to think other people are like themselves". So if you are low-skill at some task, you tend to think other people are low-skill, and as a result you see yourself as roughly average. If you are high-skill at some task you tend to think that other people are also high skill, so you over-estimate the average skill level.

This article is an example of shoehorning it in when it makes little sense, and I argue that they are claiming that Dunning-Kruger says the opposite of what it actually does. Yes, people can be arrogant and incompetent, but they can also be arrogant and highly competent. Dunning-Kruger would imply that someone who is highly competent would not be likely to be arrogant, since they would overestimate other people relative to themselves, and as a result they would give more credence to the ideas of others than is warranted given their relative skill levels. A total incompetent would indeed overestimate their own ability, but they would still see themselves as roughly average, which you wouldn't think is likely to be the trigger for an arrogant attitude.

All people will from time to time feel like the ideas of another person are silly or not worth listening to, but of course it is considered extremely rude to express those feelings. I think arrogance is just the expression of those feelings, which makes it a symptom of poor socialization.

God knows.

Especially when you're new like me. I go back even after a month and "Oh man I'd never do it like that again."

No to say it didn't work or was even bad but I just found a better pattern to handle that case that I'd use by default now and it changes so much.

Arrogance has very little to do with thinking you know a lot, or disagreeing with others, and everything to do with failing to follow social protocol. If you let other people speak, pause long enough that they feel like you are giving their words a fair evaluation, and then don't use words that they must interpret as telling them they are wrong you will not be seen as arrogant. This is true even if you rarely or never agree with anyone.

- let people finish their statement: If you don't let someone finish and you interrupt, they will decide that you are just refusing to hear them out rather than disagreeing. It doesn't matter if you can prove mathematically with extensive sources and footnotes, most of the time they won't be able to accept that you understood their point and showed it to be flawed.

- pause long enough after they speak: Again, if you instantly explain why they are wrong, most of the time other people will not be able to handle this. They will decide you didn't actually consider what they said. It doesn't matter what is actually true, and if you somehow do convince them that you are right they will be doubly resistant since you are making them feel stupid on top of everything else. A huge benefit of this and the previous bullet is that you will often find that at first you misinterpreted what the person was saying, so you were about to disagree for no reason.

- don't force them to admit to themselves that they were wrong: if you let people 'save face' they can just get on board and agree with you. If you force them to grapple with being wrong they will be difficult and will hate your guts. It may seem silly, but replying 'I don't think that will work because ...' is going to be the source of turmoil, when saying 'Interesting. Previously we did something similar to that but we had a problem where ...' is going to win the other person over instantly most of the time. Later they will see that they were wrong, but you didn't rub their nose in it and force them to grapple with it in a social setting where they are going to have to feel shame.

Failure to do these things is just what people mean whenever they say someone is arrogant.