Earlier quoted context omitted.
There's a terrific book called "Tell them who I am." It was written, I think, in the last year of the life of a man dying of cancer. He wanted to spend his final days doing something meaningful. It's about the lives and identities of homeless women at shelters where he volunteered. I am sympathetic to your rage. I wish I knew how to help such people. But I don't. Death comes for us all, sooner or later, one way or an…
As long as we're mentioning books, check out "When Breath Becomes Air".
Leukemia Has Won
71–80 of 196 posts
Re: Leukemia Has Won
#72Earlier quoted context omitted.
My stepmother died of cancer last year and asked that her obituary refer to her "long negotiation with cancer" instead of "long battle with cancer", I think because she also disliked the "battle" and "struggle" notion for similar reasons.
Perhaps calling it a “battle” or naming cancer the “enemy” gives some a cathartic way to cope with it. Gives one energy so to speak. My parents died of cancer and I have lost several friends to it, and none of them used this terminology, but I imagine I will if it comes to it.
Re: Leukemia Has Won
#73Re: Leukemia Has Won
#74Earlier quoted context omitted.
No. Everything about that article is infuriating. We are fighting an enemy. Again and again we lose. The patient loses, the care team loses, the doctors lose, the family loses, the whole of humanity loses. You have to believe you can win to continue to fight and you do have to fight quite literally with family, with friends, with yourself. But more generally we as a society have to be able to recognize an enemy and a…
I think, holistically, you are correct. Technology and science should advance. Individually, though, the fight can quite literally be all but over. This is not pessimistic or fatalistic, but very real. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. We as individuals get to choose what that means, though :)
And I don't believe we can ever be sure that the odds of death are 100%. Where there's life, there's always hope.
Re: Leukemia Has Won
#75As a human it makes me so sad to read this post. I hope the rest of his life is meaningful, comfortable and pain-free. As a doctor it makes me so mad. We talk about winning and losing against cancer like its some game or some foe personified. Just because there aren't any more chemo therapy options doesn't mean there aren't treatment options. Just because he'll be home and not in the hospital doesn't mean his doctors…
I want to trust that Alex posted this because he made peace and it's his final words. It is profound, it is beautiful, and it is how he wants it.
I cried.
Re: Leukemia Has Won
#76Jeeeesus. I'm incapable of understanding the mindset the man is in - total awareness of impending death. It must take tremendous courage - I think I would have been reduced to a quaking pile of jelly faced with the fact of mortality. What a person, what a reality.
My mom once told me that the only thing she knew of that was worse than having cancer, was being the long-term caregiver for someone who had cancer. She was taking care of her sister at the time, who had stomach cancer. Then my mom passed away a few years later, due to lung cancer -- caused in part by her sister who was allowed to smoke like a chimney, even in the hospital, because she was at stage 4. My dad was the…
Re: Leukemia Has Won
#77As a human it makes me so sad to read this post. I hope the rest of his life is meaningful, comfortable and pain-free. As a doctor it makes me so mad. We talk about winning and losing against cancer like its some game or some foe personified. Just because there aren't any more chemo therapy options doesn't mean there aren't treatment options. Just because he'll be home and not in the hospital doesn't mean his doctors…
> Using the battle metaphor implies that if a patient fights hard enough, smart enough, and/or long enough, he or she will be able to win the war.
I don't think that ever crossed my mind. At least in my case I always saw that metaphor as implying you and your body are fighting, and your actions do have some degree of positive influence in helping your body fight and stay alive. A battle doesn't have to be a battle that is winnable with any degree of certainty, I can accept that is a battle with very low odds of winning and that the degree of control I have over how my body will react to treatment and if it'll be effective may be close to none. I can understand that, all they have to do is explain it. It doesn't mean the battle metaphor doesn't work. It doesn't mean if you lose the battle you're a 'loser' (the word loser IMO has a different connotation and doesn't apply to just anyone that loses a fight or that chooses not to fight).
> Patients with “curable” disease are cured because treatment eradicates every last cell, not because the patient did or did not somehow fight valiantly.
I believe the point is that going through the treatment is what makes them fighters. Yes the treatment is what cured them, but that's just missing the point that going through a painful treatment is why people (or at least me) call them valiant fighters. That doesn't mean I think if you don't fight or give up at some point you're somehow a coward. I could just extend the metaphor and say instead they chose to fight another different battle, facing mortality. Who's to say what's harder? I wouldn't dare to pass judgement on either choice.
> However, thinking about it from a different perspective, the use of the battle metaphor implies a level of control that patients simply do not have.
Are they saying they don't have any control? they can choose not to do any treatment. Choosing a treatment is staying in the fight. If they're implying treatments simply don't work, ok. But if there's even a small chance they do work, it's still a battle. It's easy for the doctors not facing death to tell someone to just give up, for some people hope alone keeps them mentally alive, not sure why is that hard to understand.
> When a person runs a marathon, we credit them for their training, commitment, and aspirations. We never declare anyone from the second-place to last-place finishers in a marathon to be losers.
If someone trains and doesn't finish a marathon or finishes last, technically they lost the race, yes, I'd not dare to call them or imply they're a loser. It's the same situation for someone that loses to cancer. The only reason I think losing to cancer is appropriate is because is final, you lost your life, which is not the case for a marathon, where you actually accomplished something that you can later be proud of and share with your family.
> As they turn from treatment to treatment, they are not spending time with loved ones; rather, they are chasing the illusive “win,” a path that affects not only them but also their family and caregivers, as well as family finances.
That's all good and fine, and it should be clearly spelled out and given as an option, it has nothing to do with whether the battle metaphor is accurate or good for some people or not.
> Did she lose her battle? Or did she choose to control how she spent her final days?
She chose not to keep fighting and that's fine, no need to pass judgement, it's a very hard fight after all, so even if we say she lost her battle to cancer, she chose to fight and win the battle of facing death in your terms and that also deserves my utmost respect. The authors instead choose to imply that saying someone lost a battle is calling them a loser.
> We firmly believe that health care professionals owe their patients the difficult and honest discussions that come as patients grapple with their mortality. We also believe that patients’ decisions should be honored and supported by their health care team.
That is one thing I agree with.
> Let us focus on the life that people enjoyed before being told “you have cancer” and remember them as victors in life, not losers in death. Let us stop letting cancer appear to be the winner.
It's fine to focus on the good stuff, doesn't magically mean you weren't dealt a sucky hand and that it's fine to grieve and feel the loss. Would you tell a father that lost his small son to cancer to move on and celebrate his life (as short as it was)? it's a loss, stop pretending is not, it's healthy to acknowledge the loss and grief before you can move on.
Re: Leukemia Has Won
#78Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Death comes for us all, sooner or later, one way or another. That's one of the few truisms in life. I'm genuinely making an effort to understand how this is relevant to someone with a cancer diagnosis. Sure, dead comes sooner or later, and that's the whole point of why one would feel it sucks and that we're losing, because often cancer means for you, dead came way too early. I have not known anyone with cancer, but…
Death is the ultimate joke. We spend so much time worrying about it. Avoiding it. Writing poetry and books about it. Maybe, If your a Religious being, even shaping our entire life around it because of the “ultimate judgement” in the end. Death is a construction to make sense of our physical reality.
Re: Leukemia Has Won
#79Earlier quoted context omitted.
Fighting implies you died because you didn't fight hard enough.
No, it doesn't. There are fights (both literal and metaphorical, hence this is not a problem with the metaphor) you cannot win no matter how hard you fight because you are outmatched by too much for more effort to overcome.