Ask HN: What books changed the way you think about almost everything?

I See Satan Fall Like Lightning, by René Girard.

Girard was a professor at Stanford and writes about the idea of 'mimetic desire'. His overarching idea is humans are fundamentally creatures of mimesis, and whether we realize it or not all our desires are born out of mimic the desires of those around us. We don't think critically about what we actually want, we just sub-consciously mimic each other's desires - which ultimately leads to conflict.

[West World Spoiler coming]

Reading his book, and theory on mimetic desire, felt like when Bernard realizes he's a host in West World https://www.amazon.com/See-Satan-Fall-Like-Lightning/dp/1570...

“The Kingdom of God is within you,” by Leo Tolstoy. It changed the lives of Ghandi and MLK as the essential primer and exposition of Christian anarchism and its consequent pacifism. It led to my discharge from the military as a conscientious objector just as the war with Iraq (pt. 2) heated up.

Second, Wendell Berry’s many essays and short-stories. His skepticism about technology can be taken to Luddite extremes, but his questioning of the full human impact of technology has profoundly affected how I think: that technology not only enables new human possibilities, but more importantly, shapes the very meaning of what it means to be human.

Finally, Paul Graham’s essays, especially his one on wealth. It’s the clearest explanation of “Make what people want” that I have read, and has a liberating affect on a mind that has been conditioned by society to be just another employee. I wouldn’t have jumped head-first into the startup world were it not for PG’s influence.

Maybe trite, but the Bible. For a mind-blowing experience, read Matthew chapters 5–7, and have in mind that the topic is: “what it means for a person to be righteous, or good.” The analysis of the role of moral rules, the place of worry and anxiety in driving us to short-sighted compromise, the tension between “secret” good-doing versus good-doing for public recognition, are all potent, helpful, and life-changing.

I found the content manipulative and I honestly can't understand why this book is so revered. Maybe my expectations were set too high but reading it left me feeling underwhelmed.

I use non-violent-communication (NVC) constantly, at work and at home. It basically is a method that forces you to listen and to speak without judgment. But “People Skills” by Robert Bolton is a much more scientific and nuanced approach that I’ve found greater success with. They key is to so ingrain these methods that you are no longer using a method. In the end, you simply really care about what people have to say, you delay judgment as long as possible, and you practice empathy while remaining clear about your own needs and boundaries. Also, being direct.

Just last week I sat through a meeting where no one was listening to one another, elephants were being buried underground, and we were becoming more divided. Taking a cue from ‘Radical Candor’, I invited the room’s abstract complaints and negativity to focus on me, specifically. Luckily, someone was so pissed at me and my team that they launched into a list of things we’d done wrong. That gave me a chance to listen, to show I cared, and to connect the dots with his previous discussion at the meeting. Basic stuff. But it opened the floodgates to honest conversation for the rest of the night.

I always say that computers are easy, humans are hard. Would love to see more recommendations about this topic.