call it in
Ask HN: I think I want a divorce
21–30 of 65 posts
Re: Ask HN: I think I want a divorce
#22> She says she wants me to be happy, that I'm a great husband and if this is what I need to do she understands.
If she's really understanding about separation (but presumably also wants to be with you), she will also be understanding about managing your time spent on work or with her.
Figure out how to manage this and still be a good husband.
> Married for over 10 years. ... we do care full-time for 2 kids. My wife and I get along great. I love her. We have fun together.
Don't leave the most important person in your life just because you want to lock yourself away for days and work.
Stay together.
Re: Ask HN: I think I want a divorce
#23From what you said I think you overestimate how happy working on your own goals will make you and I think you underestimate how happy your marriage is making you. It doesn't have to be either/or. Look at the excluded middle.
I have thought about both of these. It's weird, before my wife, I was very happy just living in a small place, just me, doing my work. We really do have a lot of fun. We tried a middle ground to where we each have dedicated time each day for work and goals. However, this never implemented well. She would come in a bother me for the smallest things. I explained I need to focus and she just does it again 5 mins later.…
Ummm what about just going outside of the house to work? Like one of those shared workspaces? Not being able to work when your wife is around doesn't really seem to me like ground for divorce, it just seems like you need different kinds of workspaces.
Re: Ask HN: I think I want a divorce
#24Would you rather die alone in a closed room in front of your computer, or would you rather die in the hands of someone who loves you more than anything else?
Life is all about compromise. If you don't want to compromise on anything, so be it. That means you will spend the rest of your life with yourself. Unless you find the perfect female clone of yourself, which doesn't exist. This is also valid for friends, family, etc. We're all different in this world.
Re: Ask HN: I think I want a divorce
#25From what you said I think you overestimate how happy working on your own goals will make you and I think you underestimate how happy your marriage is making you. It doesn't have to be either/or. Look at the excluded middle.
I have thought about both of these. It's weird, before my wife, I was very happy just living in a small place, just me, doing my work. We really do have a lot of fun. We tried a middle ground to where we each have dedicated time each day for work and goals. However, this never implemented well. She would come in a bother me for the smallest things. I explained I need to focus and she just does it again 5 mins later.…
I'm in the same boat regarding interruptions. A lock on the door can help.
Re: Ask HN: I think I want a divorce
#26Earlier quoted context omitted.
I love her. I promised "till death do us part" and I feel bad that after all this time I want to do my own thing. I know she will move back home and I may never see her again. She doesn't like to live alone.
Who do you want to be? Do you want to be a guy who keeps his word, or do you want to be a guy who gets to work on his projects? Look, I get wanting to work on your stuff. And I get how crazy it can make you when you keep getting interrupted. (Like, I get it from direct first-hand experience. " Please stop reading the internet to me. You're destroying all the space in my brain.") But, bluntly, you sound like a very se…
I've thought about if I am being selfish. I'm always doing house work, running errands, running out to pick up dry cleaning, etc. I also make all the meals and general cleaning it up afterwards.
So perhaps I'm being selfish emotionally.
Re: Ask HN: I think I want a divorce
#27I just went through a divorce very recently and was in a very similar situation (great as friends, not so much as lovers after 10y) !! Was very friendly.
A mix of sadness and relief, was certainly for the best. We continue to be great friends and talk as often as when we were married.
Re: Ask HN: I think I want a divorce
#28I just went through a divorce very recently and was in a very similar situation (great as friends, not so much as lovers after 10y) !! Was very friendly. A mix of sadness and relief, was certainly for the best. We continue to be great friends and talk as often as when we were married.
How did you and your SO start talks about getting divorced?
Re: Ask HN: I think I want a divorce
#29I just went through a divorce very recently and was in a very similar situation (great as friends, not so much as lovers after 10y) !! Was very friendly. A mix of sadness and relief, was certainly for the best. We continue to be great friends and talk as often as when we were married.
How did you and your SO start talks about getting divorced?
Hmm one year and a half before separating we recognized that we needed to improve our "romantic" life, some stuff was tried from both sides and ultimately we decided that we didn't see each other as "lovers" anymore but only as friends and it would be for the best to not try to be married anymore.
Re: Ask HN: I think I want a divorce
#30I know almost nobody else here seems to agree with your sentiment, but I do. This is my biggest fear, getting stuck in a relationship that prevents me from pursuing my passions in the way that I want. I want to be able to spend days hacking on things whenever I want.
I don't have specific advice for you, other than to say that I feel you on this, because I feel like this thread has been fairly one-sided thus far.