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The Hand Licking Incident

raisingfutureadults.blogspot.com

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Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#341

Post by crimsonalucard »

scotty79 wrote: post #313
glitchc wrote: post #206

I dunno about this story. When I saw my son lick his hands the very first time, this was the convo: - Are your hands tasty? No - Are your hands dirty? No - Are your hands dry? Yes! Problem solved. Plus a quick visual inspection will usually confirm dry hands. It’s not like an insidious disease with no visible symptoms.

For me it wasn't easy. When I was about 30 I noticed my hand itch like hell. Visual inspection revealed a lot of small wounds that were cause of the itching. I tried washing them thoroughly and drying (no effect beyond temporary pleasure of hot water similar to scratching). I put on them some cream with steroids that supposedly helps with wound healing. This helped for few days. Then the problem reoccured. I applied…

go to the doctor. Could be athletes hand.

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#342

Post by crimsonalucard »

g5095 wrote: post #185

Wen I was in Kindergarten, my teacher called in my parents to tell them that I had learning difficulties. My mother asked why the teacher felt that way, her answer: 'He won't sit on the mat with the other children for story time'. My mother asked the teacher, 'Have you asked him why he won't sit on the mat? he usually loves stories at home.' She called me over in front of my teacher. 'Why won't you sit on the mat wit…

I had the same problem when I was three. I didn't know how to cross my legs so whenever I sat I just had my butt on the ground and my legs sticking out straight in front of me. When the teacher said I had to cross my legs i just crossed them via putting one ankle on top of the other.

I did this for about two weeks before the teacher finally grabbed my legs and shoved them into the cross legged position . From then on I learned how to cross my legs.

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#343

Post by crimsonalucard »

sneak wrote: post #50
georgebarnett wrote: post #2

It never ceases to amaze me how many authority figures think violence “fixes” a behaviour, rather than simply causing the issue to be hidden and breaking down trust and then later having it resurface many times worse.

“Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.” —Asimov

The united states was built on violence. Violence is a valid option to get things done. Yes, it's socially frowned upon. However if you look at history, entire empires are built off of violence. If you can get what you want via violence instead of diplomacy logically you've succeeded in getting what you want. Violence along with diplomacy is a logical means to an end

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#344

Post by air7 »

MRD85 wrote: post #322
Loughla wrote: post #289

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>people have treated me poorly because I was a dad with his kids. That's interesting. Honestly, I've found that I get passes for many mistakes, because the bar to being a good dad is set so low in most peoples' minds. If I'm not hitting them and basically know their initials, I seem to be a success. What has your experience been? If you don't mind me asking.

I'll give some examples, keep in mind that individually these aren't too bad but they add up over time and wear you down. * Being asked by a doctor "where's the mum?" as the first question when I've taken to the children to the doctor. * Getting a lot of offers for help because of an assumption of my incompetence. i.e. during kindergarten induction for my daughter, I was asked if I needed help with some of the jobs l…

Sounds annoying. However I feel this is a universal problem for anyone who is an anomaly. We all use generalization heuristics, and overall it severs us very well. The "price" is wrong judgement for the rare cases. However it's still a better algorithm than discarding generalizations (if that was even possible) because most things are normal, by definition.

What I learn from your comments is that in your area mums usually take their kids to the doctors, single dads are viewed as more incompetent, mostly women play with kids at the playground, and men Christmas shopping with two kids are more likely to be married than single.

You are the anomaly and therefore are being wrongly categorized. This is not a personal thing at all! Quite the opposite, it's a manifestation of how your peer group is perceived by the general public. I bet that people that get to know you change this perception and adapt it to you, personally.

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#345

Post by crimsonalucard »

Baeocystin wrote: post #16
georgebarnett wrote: post #2

It never ceases to amaze me how many authority figures think violence “fixes” a behaviour, rather than simply causing the issue to be hidden and breaking down trust and then later having it resurface many times worse.

Eh... I can count on a shop teacher's hand the number of times I was actually spanked or swatted when I was a kid, but after talking to my Mom about it, I think she made the right choice the times she did. To give a specific example, once was when I was about five, I had just learned about electromagnets, and was actively trying to shove bare wire into an outlet. Yes, the spanking did make me a little afraid of pokin…

Chinese kids are beaten all the time if they get a A- instead of an A+ on their report card. Maybe that's why the Chinese economy is on track to overtake the United States.

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#346

Post by mncharity »

MRD85 wrote: post #322
Loughla wrote: post #289

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>people have treated me poorly because I was a dad with his kids. That's interesting. Honestly, I've found that I get passes for many mistakes, because the bar to being a good dad is set so low in most peoples' minds. If I'm not hitting them and basically know their initials, I seem to be a success. What has your experience been? If you don't mind me asking.

I'll give some examples, keep in mind that individually these aren't too bad but they add up over time and wear you down. * Being asked by a doctor "where's the mum?" as the first question when I've taken to the children to the doctor. * Getting a lot of offers for help because of an assumption of my incompetence. i.e. during kindergarten induction for my daughter, I was asked if I needed help with some of the jobs l…

> the constant assumptions just do my head in

For whatever it's worth, I'll just share how I made my own peace with something somewhat similar. I think to myself something like "Aaaannnd, welcome yet again to the long fight against prejudice and discrimination. That I once thought I was somehow insulated from it burning me, that my participation in the fight was somehow optional, was the obliviousness of male white professional privilege. Thank you person/institution/life for the reminder. And the reminder that so many face so worse." Works for me. As frequency increases, that might need a different form.

I wonder if some occurrences might be teachable moments for some? Leaving people better than you found them.

Sometimes one can dodge prejudice with subgroup membership signalling, as people seem to do a lot of profile matching. I remember baby throw-up stains having that effect. And sometimes "unrelated" prejudices can be leveraged - when doing child care, I tended to button-downs and not T shirts, if only for potentially improving response time in an emergency, as they seem to toggle many between "how may I help you sir; yes sir" and "what'da you want bud; well, let's see". You might find professional-class signalling might alter peoples' male-threat profiling?

I expect there's how-to literature about all this. Both on coping with discrimination in its various forms, and for male primary caregivers in particular.

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#347

Post by mncharity »

air7 wrote: post #344
MRD85 wrote: post #322

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'll give some examples, keep in mind that individually these aren't too bad but they add up over time and wear you down. * Being asked by a doctor "where's the mum?" as the first question when I've taken to the children to the doctor. * Getting a lot of offers for help because of an assumption of my incompetence. i.e. during kindergarten induction for my daughter, I was asked if I needed help with some of the jobs l…

Sounds annoying. However I feel this is a universal problem for anyone who is an anomaly. We all use generalization heuristics, and overall it severs us very well. The "price" is wrong judgement for the rare cases. However it's still a better algorithm than discarding generalizations (if that was even possible) because most things are normal, by definition. What I learn from your comments is that in your area mums us…

> We all use generalization heuristics, and overall it severs us very well. The "price" is wrong judgement for the rare cases. However it's still a better algorithm than discarding generalizations (if that was even possible) because most things are normal, by definition. [...] You are the anomaly and therefore are being wrongly categorized. This is not a personal thing at all!

Perhaps it might be interesting to picture instead a female engineer, repeatedly being dismissed as a receptionist. Or a black male engineer, repeatedly assumed a janitor or intruder and getting grief. And then see if you're still happy with those comments?

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#348

Post by sneak »

crimsonalucard wrote: post #343
sneak wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

“Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.” —Asimov

The united states was built on violence. Violence is a valid option to get things done. Yes, it's socially frowned upon. However if you look at history, entire empires are built off of violence. If you can get what you want via violence instead of diplomacy logically you've succeeded in getting what you want. Violence along with diplomacy is a logical means to an end

Did violence invent the Apollo guidance computer or the Saturn V? Did violence build the SR-71? Did violence design Teller’s hydrogen bomb? Did violence build Apple or Google or Facebook or Amazon?

I think if that is the answer you want, you will be able to find enough examples (slavery, et c) to support that conclusion. But many countries had slavery; only a few could build planes to outrun SAMs, land on the moon, index the entire internet, or create the modern smartphone/tablet.

Creativity is much more important than violence. Violence can only be used to perpetuate the status quo; you cannot beat someone into invention or value creation

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#349

Post by MRD85 »

mncharity wrote: post #347
air7 wrote: post #344

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sounds annoying. However I feel this is a universal problem for anyone who is an anomaly. We all use generalization heuristics, and overall it severs us very well. The "price" is wrong judgement for the rare cases. However it's still a better algorithm than discarding generalizations (if that was even possible) because most things are normal, by definition. What I learn from your comments is that in your area mums us…

> We all use generalization heuristics, and overall it severs us very well. The "price" is wrong judgement for the rare cases. However it's still a better algorithm than discarding generalizations (if that was even possible) because most things are normal, by definition. [...] You are the anomaly and therefore are being wrongly categorized. This is not a personal thing at all! Perhaps it might be interesting to pictu…

Not the person you replied to but the one above him. Interestingly enough my experience with this type of judgement has made me much more aware of the challenges of other people in minority situations. I am a white male but in the world of being a primary parent to babies I'm a minority. I understand how minorities in a professional setting might feel the need to be beyond reproach.

Re: The Hand Licking Incident

#350

Post by crimsonalucard »

sneak wrote: post #348
crimsonalucard wrote: post #343

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The united states was built on violence. Violence is a valid option to get things done. Yes, it's socially frowned upon. However if you look at history, entire empires are built off of violence. If you can get what you want via violence instead of diplomacy logically you've succeeded in getting what you want. Violence along with diplomacy is a logical means to an end

Did violence invent the Apollo guidance computer or the Saturn V? Did violence build the SR-71? Did violence design Teller’s hydrogen bomb? Did violence build Apple or Google or Facebook or Amazon? I think if that is the answer you want, you will be able to find enough examples (slavery, et c) to support that conclusion. But many countries had slavery; only a few could build planes to outrun SAMs, land on the moon, i…

No but if I have a strong desire to kill an enemy I could invent something to make me better at killing.

All modern military technology and the technology that spawned from it such as the Saturn V or the hydrogen bomb were invented because of the desire to inflict violence on an enemy. Creativity is a tool; violence, hatred and competition is a driving force.

That is not to discount empathy and altruism as driving forces but to ignore hatred and violence as things that have human shaped progress (and improved society technologically) is to ignore reality.

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