Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think you missed the tag in the OP.
I'm not convinced it's actually supposed to be ironic.
I'm not convinced everyone here is interpreting the double negatives the same way.
The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
71–80 of 167 posts
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#72Key quote: "As the gap between rich and poor increases, the cost of screwing up increases. The fear is they’ll end up on the other side of the divide." In 1970, failure was a job on the assembly line at Ford in Detroit. Until 1974, the auto companies didn't require a high school diploma. Union job, good pay. Now it's homelessness and drug addiction.
So there were no homeless or drug addicts before the 90s?
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#73I didn't realize it until I read this article, but this is what keeps me up at night and motivates me to spend so much time and effort on my children. Making sure my kids are successful adults and maintain the economic lifestyle my programming career currently affords them is why I send them to camps all summer long and martial arts classes in the afternoons to improve their focus. It's why my wife and I spent hours…
I guess people are different, and my own experiences are by no means generally applicable, but if you had been my parent, I'm convinced that you had me done a massive disservice.
I consider myself to be relatively successful, financially and otherwise. For example, I make significantly north of what you would consider a good salary even in the silicon valley (I do want to retire early), doing an interesting job that very few in the world have the opportunity to do, and have meaningful (and fun!) relationships to people. And I attribute a lot of this to the fact that I was able to be my own person and follow my own activities and passions in my childhood.
My parents were fairly mundane German parents in that they did raise me, set limits, instilled morals, sent me to school and all that, so they were by no means anti-authoritative. But in my free time after school and on weekends for example, I was freely able to choose how to spend my own time. By that I don't mean that I was able to do whatever I want, but that, within the limits of what was considered acceptable behavior by my parents, I was pretty much completely free-ranging.
On my own, I played inside and outside, I met with friends, sometimes I would just play video games for days, sometimes I would watch TV, and sometimes I would lock (not literally) myself in my room for days and tinker with computers or read technical stuff. I grew up discovering the world and having a great social life, with several deep-seated passions on top that shaped the life that I now have in my 30s.
On the other hand, I saw plenty of people growing up for which it was painfully obvious that what they did was out of some sort of obligation instilled by their parents, and it really wasn't a guarantee for success. You are never going to outpace someone who does what they do because they really like to do it, and if you could, to what end?
In my case, I am almost certain that your parenting would have make me hate the interests you force instead of thrive in them. But then I do realize that people are different. Some people, given the free time to do whatever they please, chose it to fill basically all of their life with World of Warcraft, so the correct answer for some person may not be the correct one for another one.
In my case, though, I will take my childhood as a successful model and will make sure that while my child grows up to be a well-adjusted, moral and (sufficiently) disciplined person, they have the ability to grow into their own.
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#74It seems the pendulum is starting to swing back as we see the unintended consequences of over parenting. Especially bulldozer parenting. Check out the book, "The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure" for a deep dive into this. I think it's helpful to look at it this way: The job of a parent is to put themselves out of a job.
Are you a parent? You're never out of a job :). I'm 58, my parents are in their 80's, and my daughters are in their 20's, so my opinion in this matter is somewhat informed.
I agree with OP. You do the best you can to put yourself out of a job, then you eventually die, and your family copes.
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#75Not surprising considering for the past 2-3 generations we've been seeing kids often worse-off than their parents. Crippling student debt, insane healthcare costs, soaring housing prices in major cities. People are anxious and things are more competitive. All while worker productivity continues to increase with stagnant wages. If you look at adjusted median household income over the past 20 years its either stayed ro…
Well put. I personally would opt out of having a kid if I knew they were going to end up outside of the top 20%. I just don't want that life for them and I'm not sure I can guarantee that they end up in the top percentiles. > The wealth gap in this country is squeezing all the joy out of life for every penny its worth. Every capitalist society needs a periodical wealth tax, otherwise the natural accumulation of wealt…
Geometric increase in population does a pretty good job of eroding the accumulation of wealth.
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#76I think over-parenting can be disastrous, particularly emotionally. I had what you might call a "strict" father (mother passed away when I was young), but he was never a helicopter parent. My sister and I were always expected to do things well, but we were never handheld along the way. I finished second in my high school class, and everyone always seemed so surprised when I told them that I never had any help with ho…
This is exactly my wife of 25 years. I felt I had to raise her at times too. Please please be vigilant with your kids. We had huge issues there for a while. talk talk talk :) and good luck
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#77I believe it is no business of the Government to dictate how we bring up children. Period.
> I believe it is no business of the Government to dictate how we bring up children. Period.
How do you feel about "lock em in the closet until they are an adult" style?
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#78It seems the pendulum is starting to swing back as we see the unintended consequences of over parenting. Especially bulldozer parenting. Check out the book, "The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure" for a deep dive into this. I think it's helpful to look at it this way: The job of a parent is to put themselves out of a job.
If you wanna know how you can help your children, leave them the fuck alone!
- George Carlin
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#79Earlier quoted context omitted.
Why? I wish my parents would have been a little more hands on with a lot of this type of stuff.
Every child is doomed to repeat the mistake of doing the opposite of the mistake they perceive their parents made with them.
So I'm following a more constructive approach: I take what I think went very well from how my parents raised me (which may not even have been conscious on their part).
That the resulting parenting is in some ways almost the polar opposite of OP's approach does not mean that it's the better answer in general, though, but given that my child is likely to have inherited a significant share of my traits, it's probably the better answer for them.
Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting
#80Earlier quoted context omitted.
Counterpoint: There's definitely an argument for letting kids figure some things out on their own. Giving them autonomy helps them mature faster in a number of ways. If your life is micro managed down to the minute you won't learn the self discipline to do things without an authority figure looming over you. Learning to solve disputes amicably between each other without requiring an authority figure is very important…
> Learning to solve disputes amicably between each other without requiring an authority figure is very important and helps kids make friends. Yes yes yes. When you fix everything for them, all they learn is "go talk to whoever is in power when I have a problem." They don't learn proper boundaries, how to negotiate, etc.
On the other side of it, the 3 years older, 50 lbs heavier bully is just teaching them how to be afraid.