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The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting

nytimes.com

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Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting

#11

Post by cobbzilla »

markbnj wrote: post #6
Reedx wrote: post #3

It seems the pendulum is starting to swing back as we see the unintended consequences of over parenting. Especially bulldozer parenting. Check out the book, "The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure" for a deep dive into this. I think it's helpful to look at it this way: The job of a parent is to put themselves out of a job.

Are you a parent? You're never out of a job :). I'm 58, my parents are in their 80's, and my daughters are in their 20's, so my opinion in this matter is somewhat informed.

Sure there are aspects of parenting that continue forever, but I’m sure glad my wife and I are both out of the “diaper changing” job. There are hundreds of other parenting “jobs” to work oneself out of, by teaching your kids to manage the world, confidently, by themselves.

I think the larger point may be that some so-called “helicopter parents” might never work towards this, to the detriment of their children’s mental health - and their long-term family relationships.

Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting

#12

Post by nicoburns »

ideonexus wrote: post #5

I didn't realize it until I read this article, but this is what keeps me up at night and motivates me to spend so much time and effort on my children. Making sure my kids are successful adults and maintain the economic lifestyle my programming career currently affords them is why I send them to camps all summer long and martial arts classes in the afternoons to improve their focus. It's why my wife and I spent hours…

> It's why my wife and I spent hours working on our son's application to the gifted program recently

>My kids need to be prepared for anything.

I think your overall approach sounds good. My only concern would to make sure that you're not doing everything for them. Because kids need to learn how to push and strive for stuff by themselves. You can't prepare your kid for everything...

Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting

#13

Post by gdubs »

Ironically we end up creating a ton of anxiety for kids. And unless we’re giving kids the love and tools needed to process that anxiety, well, then we’re missing the forest for the trees.

I have three kids under five years old, and man it goes fast. My philosophy has evolved to this: they’re their own people, not extensions of our own ego, and in the limited time we have influence over them we can help them develop core habits that will be useful throughout their lives.

Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting

#15

Post by kleiba »

rimliu wrote: post #8
ideonexus wrote: post #5

I didn't realize it until I read this article, but this is what keeps me up at night and motivates me to spend so much time and effort on my children. Making sure my kids are successful adults and maintain the economic lifestyle my programming career currently affords them is why I send them to camps all summer long and martial arts classes in the afternoons to improve their focus. It's why my wife and I spent hours…

I am not convinced that with this attitude your kids won’t have a harder time as adults.

I think you missed the tag in the OP.

Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting

#16

Post by AlwaysRock »

rimliu wrote: post #8
ideonexus wrote: post #5

I didn't realize it until I read this article, but this is what keeps me up at night and motivates me to spend so much time and effort on my children. Making sure my kids are successful adults and maintain the economic lifestyle my programming career currently affords them is why I send them to camps all summer long and martial arts classes in the afternoons to improve their focus. It's why my wife and I spent hours…

I am not convinced that with this attitude your kids won’t have a harder time as adults.

Why? I wish my parents would have been a little more hands on with a lot of this type of stuff.

Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting

#17

Post by dmschulman »

choombak wrote: post #9

I believe it is no business of the Government to dictate how we bring up children. Period.

Are you speaking to any particular aspect of government control when it comes to raising a child?

I believe it is the government's place to ensure a bare minimum of responsibility and accountability when it comes to parenting and the welfare of children as it helps provide a benefit to others in society who will undoubtedly interact with this person you're raising as well a protection to the child themselves.

Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting

#18

Post by [deleted] »

Reedx wrote: post #3

It seems the pendulum is starting to swing back as we see the unintended consequences of over parenting. Especially bulldozer parenting. Check out the book, "The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure" for a deep dive into this. I think it's helpful to look at it this way: The job of a parent is to put themselves out of a job.

[deleted]

Re: The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting

#19

Post by gnarbarian »

ideonexus wrote: post #5

I didn't realize it until I read this article, but this is what keeps me up at night and motivates me to spend so much time and effort on my children. Making sure my kids are successful adults and maintain the economic lifestyle my programming career currently affords them is why I send them to camps all summer long and martial arts classes in the afternoons to improve their focus. It's why my wife and I spent hours…

Counterpoint: There's definitely an argument for letting kids figure some things out on their own. Giving them autonomy helps them mature faster in a number of ways.

If your life is micro managed down to the minute you won't learn the self discipline to do things without an authority figure looming over you.

Learning to solve disputes amicably between each other without requiring an authority figure is very important and helps kids make friends.

Learning to test your own limits and push your own abilities in unsupervised activities will improve their confidence more than in a structured sanitized program where everyone gets participation trophies.

Helicopter parents won't be around forever. I've seen many young adults completely melt down and go off the rails when they leave their home and go to college because they never learned real self discipline. They simply can't handle the vacuum that opens up in their lives without the micromanagement.

Every kid is different though, some need more structure and some need more autonomy to mature into responsible adults.

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