Ask HN: What books/activities do you recommended for being more charismatic?

Be yourself, have a strong belief in something, be courageous. Most real charismatic people have lived a rich life with lots of experience in success and failures; They always have strong fundamental beliefs, an ethos about the world that they try to carry out. There is no "risk free charisma for dummies" kinda thing. Instead of trying to chase a mythical charisma, try to find out what you really believe in, what kind of dreams you have based on those beliefs, and try to gain experience by doing things.

I am by nature not the most charming person in the world, but with effort I can be extremely charming and even charismatic.

The approach I use is to really listen to people talking and work out what they are trying to say and mirror it back to them in a more eloquent manner. The result is they think the two of us have totally "clicked". I rarely use this approach as it is mentally very taxing and I don't need to charm many people, but it is very effective.

Another strategy that works well for creating friendships is to build a thicket of small favours. Ask for some small favour and then let the other person ask you for something small in return. Repeat.

It is always best to be in favour debt with other people (you owe them) than the reverse. There is no better way of creating a true enemy than really helping someone and not letting them return the favour.

The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox-Cabane is pretty solid, but actually implementing the concepts in practice versus simply understanding them in theory is always the hard part. I used a combination of Anki flashcards and Readwise [0] to decent success. I also worked with an incredible communication coach in SF.

The Charisma Myth, FYI, is that you’re naturally born with charisma. The reality is that charisma can be nurtured.

[0]: https://readwise.io (full disclosure I am one of the creators)

It appear that people are not very good at carrying the psychology burden caused by not being able to return help. They need to find some way of unloading this debt and if they can't help you back, the best solution seems to be to turn it into hate.

The people who hate me the most in the world are not those that I have wronged, but those I really helped.

Make sure that if you help someone that you ask them for some help back - it doesn't need to be anything big, but the sooner you unload the debt the happier the person will be towards you. If there is nothing you need help with just make something up and then say thank you.

Politics aside, I'm fascinated by the personal recollections of people who have met Bill Clinton [1]. Bill Clinton is legendary for making people who shake his hand feel like they are the most important person in the room.

A book I read (believe it was something like ‘What got you here win’t Get you there’) said something that has stuck with me. Paraphrased: "Everyone can be as charismatic as Bill Clinton. You do it on a job interview or on a first date. The secret is... he does it all the time"

"Clinton had this huge charisma. He was wearing a pair of black trousers and a blue checked shirt with his sleeves rolled up. His presence made everyone around him so comfortable. He had this extraordinary ability to make us feel very special. He took time out to speak to each one of us asking about our family, where we were raised and educated, what were the things in our life that we hold important." [2]

[1] http://www.bing.com/search?q=meeting+bill+clinton+%2B+charis...

[2] https://m.telegraphindia.com/states/west-bengal/meet-billary...