Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram • Hacker News Board

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#51

Post by Arn_Thor » Mon, Dec 10, 2018, 7:29 AM UTC

nickysielicki wrote: post #22

Never let anyone tell you that our current standard of "normal" is normal. It's only the pressures of the world that make teenagers retract from their parents. Every emotion you've ever felt has been developed, whether by God or by hundreds of thousands of years of natural selection. Conscious thought may deliver us to emotion, but the emotion that you arrive at is something that has always been inside of you. When f…

You could be right. But evolution is full of examples of adversity and pain in the short run has long term benefits. Illness breeds resistance, bacteria strengthen the immune system, exertion leads to regrowth of stronger muscles. Perhaps the transition to adulthood must be difficult and tough and painful and challenging simply because an adult is a person that has faced all that and learned and grown stronger, smarter and kinder?

Where was their childhood when my parents had to go look for the sheep in the mountains all by themselves, even as they had just started in school? When their favorite little lamb that they had cared for for years became dinner? When the parents were too busy trying to scrape together enough food for winter to play with them or look after them? My point isn't that things were much worse then, but that it's never been easy. Things are just difficult in a different way.

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#52

Post by bschwindHN » Mon, Dec 10, 2018, 7:46 AM UTC

fouc wrote: post #5

Millennials - the generation of photographers, because of smartphones and instagram. Does anyone else get irritated when their friends feel obligated to whip out their phone to take pictures when you're out and about in new locations?

> Does anyone else get irritated when...

Not really, I don't expect everyone to enjoy experiences in exactly the same way as me. Some like taking lots of photos of themselves or their friends, some like photos of just the landscape they're in, and others don't like photos at all. If it bothers you, find more like-minded people to hang out with so it doesn't become a nuisance.

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#53

Post by dang » Mon, Dec 10, 2018, 8:14 AM UTC

bruxis wrote: post #2

I must be extremely disconnected from this author's perception of the world (and their relationship with their daughter). This quote at the very top of the article really grinds my gears : "Few things are more painful than loving a 15-year-old girl, particularly when she is your child." The rest of the article isn't as catchy, but reads a lot like a very long (15-year) case of postpartum depression.

Please don't post shallow dismissals, especially when mixed with rage. None of us, including you I'm sure, wants HN to be the kind of place where people just secrete unfiltered bile.

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#54

Post by njarboe » Mon, Dec 10, 2018, 8:15 AM UTC

nl wrote: post #38

nickysielicki wrote: post #22

Never let anyone tell you that our current standard of "normal" is normal. It's only the pressures of the world that make teenagers retract from their parents. Every emotion you've ever felt has been developed, whether by God or by hundreds of thousands of years of natural selection. Conscious thought may deliver us to emotion, but the emotion that you arrive at is something that has always been inside of you. When f…

This is - of course - historically wrong. Through most of history, in terms of "general", "average" lifestyle both parents have worked from dawn to dusk doing manual labor or. If they saw their (over ~6 yo) children during this time it was because the children were working with them. It's always been normal for children to grow up and be less known to their parents. 20 years ago the same people would complain how the…

This famous quote by Socrates was likely make up by William L. Patty and Louise S. Johnson in Personality and Adjustment on page 277 in the fifties (1953). If Plato actually did mention this as a saying of Socrates was later (1966) researched and evidence of the quote existing was found lacking.[1]

https://www.bartleby.com/73/195.html

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#55

Post by dang » Mon, Dec 10, 2018, 8:15 AM UTC

honkycat wrote: post #3

bruxis wrote: post #2

I must be extremely disconnected from this author's perception of the world (and their relationship with their daughter). This quote at the very top of the article really grinds my gears : "Few things are more painful than loving a 15-year-old girl, particularly when she is your child." The rest of the article isn't as catchy, but reads a lot like a very long (15-year) case of postpartum depression.

I must be extremely disconnected from your perception of what an insightful comment is, because this is just low and dumb and adds nothing. Go be hateful somewhere else.

Please don't break the site guidelines, even if another comment did. That only makes this place worse yet.

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#56

Post by lkdjjdjjjdskjd » Mon, Dec 10, 2018, 8:19 AM UTC

Discovering the fake perfected Instagram version of her daughter.

Maybe she couldn't deal with the not-so-perfect normal life daughter, and that is why said daughter shut her out.

Maybe not - but after "ruining" the Led Zeppelin song for he daughter, now she went after the one other thing that seems to make her daughter happy, which is Instagram. What if that article now gives her daughter unwanted fame and ruins that part of her life, too? Maybe it is still about control, not participating in someone's life?

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#57

Post by silveroriole » Mon, Dec 10, 2018, 8:43 AM UTC

dorkwood wrote: post #44

The author's attempt to connect with her daughter seemed obviously misguided to me. Upon discovering that her daughter -- a budding guitar player -- liked listening to one of the same songs she did, she thought it would be wise to demonstrate that she, the experienced adult, already knew how to play that particular song on the guitar. Next, she offered to teach her daughter how to play it herself, robbing her of any…

Yes. I’m nearly 30 and my mother still has the power to instantly discourage any hobby I’m picking up by spamming me with tips, telling me the equipment I’ve bought is no good and I should buy what she has, and insisting on “showing me how it’s done”. That’s not bonding with your child, it’s overpowering your child. It’s subtly telling them that you, the parent, are all-knowing and all-powerful and you’ll never be impressed because you can always do better than your child. It’s asking the child to be impressed by you instead.

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#58

Post by saghm » Mon, Dec 10, 2018, 8:50 AM UTC

fouc wrote: post #5

Millennials - the generation of photographers, because of smartphones and instagram. Does anyone else get irritated when their friends feel obligated to whip out their phone to take pictures when you're out and about in new locations?

Not really, unless the picture they're attempting to take includes me in it. I'll never understand why so many people are insistent on taking pictures of others who are clear that they're not comfortable with it.

(Sorry for hijacking your pet peeve thread to bring up my pet peeve)

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#59

Post by r_c_a_d » Mon, Dec 10, 2018, 8:52 AM UTC

dorkwood wrote: post #44

The author's attempt to connect with her daughter seemed obviously misguided to me. Upon discovering that her daughter -- a budding guitar player -- liked listening to one of the same songs she did, she thought it would be wise to demonstrate that she, the experienced adult, already knew how to play that particular song on the guitar. Next, she offered to teach her daughter how to play it herself, robbing her of any…

As a parent it is really hard to find the right balance between wanting to spend time with your kids and trampling all over their hobbies. Especially if it is a hobby where they need you to drive them somewhere and stay or pick them up later.

My father and I used to compete in the same sport and I always hated it when he did well. Because however well I did, it was always how much ahead of him I got that mattered.

With my sons I have conciously either not competed against them, or only competed in events that I am rubbish at. And I don't go anywhere near their online games and social networks.

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#60

Post by pjc50 » Mon, Dec 10, 2018, 9:36 AM UTC

nickysielicki wrote: post #22

Never let anyone tell you that our current standard of "normal" is normal. It's only the pressures of the world that make teenagers retract from their parents. Every emotion you've ever felt has been developed, whether by God or by hundreds of thousands of years of natural selection. Conscious thought may deliver us to emotion, but the emotion that you arrive at is something that has always been inside of you. When f…

> grow up too soon

When she was fourteen, my wife's mother was sent out to work in a carpet factory by her parents. Because that was the earliest age at which she could be withdrawn from school. The past was not an Eden from which we have been outcast.

> evolution

All that evolution can promise is strategies that have a reasonably good chance of perpetuating some of your genetics. It certainly doesn't promise to keep you happy or even alive after you've had children.